who do i think i am when i touch you like that? love or lust; i always thought they were one and the same. i always thought i could breathe for both of us, live for both of us, but i just want to watch you shine. you are brighter than every star above us as we lay on our backs underneath the purple sky and pale moon, in dandelion grass, falling in love to the song of the trees. we didn't know it then, did we? we didn't know what would become of us. i didn't know you would become so important, that i'd give every damn day for you. i am paid to be a prick who charms the masses but for you i just want to be the shy boy who grinned at rainbows and admired guitars in the shiny windows of shops when he was ten. i want to show you my flaws and i want you to not care. i want to be myself but for you i want to be better. enough for you. you're the drug i could never quit.
i crave the idea of you. of us. the chance that there could even be an us. it was always you. it was always your smile, so bright, the best smile i've ever seen, better than all the boys and girls who used to fill my nights. your smile brought me home. you became my home. you tasted of cigarette smoke and green tea kitkats, and i've never loved the taste of something so much. do you love someone else? maybe i'll never know. all i know is that right now you're mine, and maybe that's the best i could hope for. i'd take a stolen kiss with you over a lifetime with someone else, but i will always want more. kiss me goodbye or kiss me like you mean it. write me a love letter, but don't write me off. having you here is not enough, i need you near. i never could write love songs before you. they admire the universe's inexplicable beauty just as i admire you; maybe that's what they meant when they said love is infinite. it is as infinite as the cosmos that stretch on in either direction, past our vision. we're just two boys who don't know what they are doing, but as long as you're there, i'll guide you and you'll catch me when i fall. scared to call this love, but if it's not, what is? i miss you when you're here. spinning around under the summer sun, your golden tan beneath my fingers, legs tangled beneath pale sheets, hot and messy and perfect in our glaring imperfections. breathing secondhand smoke from your brothers in the trailer. loud instruments, your hands on my bass. i always loved to watch you play. i always wanted to be more than your best friend 'til the end.
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a/n: just wanted to add a quick note to this update as it's something i've been thinking about since i chose to publish this. i don't know the various triggers of all the people that are reading this, and i don't want to assume you don't have any, so i am warning you now that there will be references to s*icide and drugs in some of the future updates. in many ways, this is a part of the story that inspired these poems, as both individuals struggled with addiction and one did attempt s*icide, but in other ways, these are my own stories. inspired by my own life. so. the references i make here shouldn't be anything too intense, but i would like to warn you all before you continue.
