The pretend

chapter 8

Jared

"I'm so sorry babe" I say through the phone hoping Everett could understand me. I hear him sigh and take a really long breath from the other side. I'm really a shitty husband and I don't deserve him at all.

"It's ok I will call Wes or Walla to pick me up, go enjoy" he finally says but I can hear the sadness in his voice.

"Me not picking you up at the airport doesn't mean I didn't miss you. I miss you so much, you know that love" I say tapping my leg down rapidly. He had been to Florida for two days and today makes the third one. I was supposed to pick him up at the airport but mum is holding an event at home which I can't miss.

"I know.." he posed, I can hear him taking deep breaths "go enjoy I will see you home" I know he wanted to say something but he just swallowed it down. I didn't know what he went to do to Florida,he promised to tell me when he comes back. We've been talking over the phone every night but he doesn't tell me.

"I love you" I say

"I know, bye" he then hangs up without replying to my I love you. I looked at the phone in my hand's felt like crying like a fuckin baby. I put my head down on the table wanting to bang it on it. I know I'm hurting Everett,I know I'm an asshole who don't deserve him at all but my parents. I love them too much I can't choose. It will kill me if time comes and I don't have either of them.

I want Everett in my life as much as I want my parents. They are the people who birthed me, who were there since day one and worked hard to give me a better life, I can't disappoint them and then there is Everett the love of my life. I can't let him go, call me selfish but I love him from the depth of my heart and it hurts me because I'm hurting him. I hurt him and he never says anything.

He was so happy the day I met him, he was so happy to do what other couples do, hold hands in public,go to prides, go to dinner, kiss whenever he wants but I put him back in the closet. I shouldn't have done that, I would've let him go because from the beginning I knew I can't come out but the selfish me......my door opened as I jerked my head up to see Marc come in.

"Hey man, you look bad" that's the first thing he said "aren't you been sleeping" he says worriedly.

"You know I can't without Ev besides me" I reply with a soft sigh

"Man you're so whipped" he Chuckles "at least he is coming back today and you should be all smiles by now or you should go home prepare something sweet and beautiful for him" he suggested

"I fucked up again" I whisper dejected

"What did you do"

"I was supposed to pick him up from the airport but you know mum with her events. Probably I will see him late at night" Marc looks at me with a shake of his head sighing.

"Is he upset" he asks

"I know he is but you know him he doesn't show it" I reply. "He is a god's sent, he understands me" I add lowly.

"You're so lucky to have him Jared but one day you have to come out to your parents or he will get tired of this. He had taken too much bullshit already" Marc says

"I know man but you know what will happen when I do. I can't look in my parents eyes and see disgust in them. It will break me" I say with a shaky breath.

"I know man, I know" he replies"are you going to introduce this Eva person to them today" he changes the topic so quickly.

"Everett told me to first wait until he comes back"

"What took him to Florida by the way" Marc asks confused

"I really don't know man, he says that he will tell me when he comes back" I say leaning back in my seat.