The pretend

Chapter 23

Jared.

"Did you find him" I look up at Marc who was looking down at me with an expression which I couldn't fantom? But did I care about that now, no? All I care about was looking for my husband who had disappeared from the face of the world.

"No," he replied with a heavy breath shaking his head and putting his hands around his waist in thoughts. I take a deep breath standing up and walking towards the bed pulling out a bottle of vodka from the down drawer and take a big gulp trying to control the flow of tears which I know will fall at any second from now.

After all, that's what I am good at nowadays.

I take sip per sip until it was half but it did nothing to make me forget my pathetic life. I feel sorry for myself and I have no one to blame but myself. I put myself in this position and it's time to suffer the consequences.

I never imagined Ev to send me the divorce papers but he did. I keep wondering if he was serious about leaving me but seeing that he is nowhere to be found, it was starting to kick in my dumb mind that he was truly over me. I never thought this would happen in my life but I guess I was wrong, so damn wrong.

Everything is complicated and I am the one who complicates them.

"Just sign the divorce papers and get over with it" I whipped my head up so quickly I think I creaked a bone to look at Marc.

Was he being serious right now? I won't sign the divorce papers, to hell Ev is mine and that is it.

"What have you said" I slurred.

"I said, sign the divorce papers and move on" he put his hand over his chest glaring at me.

"What don't you understand Marc huh" I stand up glaring at him too. Of all people, I thought he was the only one who can understand me but it turns out that he too can't. "I can't let him go, you know I love him," I say

"You love him hmmm," he says with one eyebrow raised.

"Yes, I love my husband to death, and if he thinks that he is going to get rid of me that easily, then he has one thing coming" I poked his bold chest. God, has he been working out, his chest is so solid.

"Do you even know what love means Jared?" he asks pushing my hand away "all you keep saying is that you love him, you can't live without him, he is your life but they are all words" he shouted angrily "you never act on your words, now here is the question lover boy" he exhaled "where is the love?" he asks. "Actions speak louder than words Red, you can't just say I love him if you don't show it. You're here drinking your life away instead of doing the right damn thing" he shouted.

"I love him as much as I love my parents. You said it yourself, why do you want me to hurt my parents" I shouted at him.

"Then why are you here weeping, you already chose. Let Everett go so that he can find a suitable partner who will treasure him to death coz he deserves it more than anyone in this world. Sign the divorce papers, go marry a woman and be happy with your parents" he says.

"I want both" I shouted throwing the bottle on the wall which broke into pieces not controlling the tears anymore. Why does it hurt like this? I want them in my life, all of them. Why is it so hard to have them? I miss Ev more and more each day. He hid easily from me, he disappeared without a trace no matter where I look I can't find him and it hurts.

"That's the problem, you can't have both" he equally shouted breathing hard "I am tired of your bullshit Jared. You say you love your parents but you're hiding away from them. You don't want them to see you like this" he breaths in.

"You know why"

"You selfish bastard" Marc snarled "you have to show your loved ones the bad and the good side like you do with Everett, you're smart enough to know this Jared. Stop being a selfish bastard" he walked away leaving me alone in my agony but reaching the door, Marc stopped looking back at me with empathy in his eyes, he walked back at me sitting me down on the bed slowly. "I'm going to give you a piece of advice. You either take it or leave it" he breathes out.

"I have been your friend for years Red and I knew you were scared of your parents since you were still young and I don't blame you, your parents are a bit much," he says

"They picture me as their perfect son Marc, I feel like I am doing a bad thing, I feel like I have disappointed them" I whispered

"I know but you're now thirty years old and I think it's time to let them know that you're not that perfect. Nobody is perfect and it's not that being gay is not perfect...you know what I mean. The point is, you're old enough to act like a fifteen-year-old. You're an independent man, with a husband who is willing to do anything for you and a daughter on the way so I think it's time for you to be true to your parents. If they love you as you love them, they will accept you but if they don't, just move on. Ev makes you happy, he is willing to do everything for you but what are you willing to do for him...nothing" he says.

"We have one life, be happy and love who you love. Mercy took everything away from me and it hurts so much, I was mad at her but she wasn't happy with me. whenever I meet with her to see the kids, her face sparkles, and she looks happy, and that only makes me happy. She chose happiness and threw her marriage away, so my dear friend sometimes you have to be selfish" he stands up looking down at me.

"And do it quickly before Nick takes him away" that made me stand up hastily.

"What do you mean," I ask in a shaky voice.

"Wallace told me that Everett disappeared with Nick. I don't know where but he is the one hiding him and let's not forget that he is handsome and bisexual and is out to the world. The kind Ev is looking for" he put his hand on my shoulder "whatever you do, do it quickly because you never know...Nick might take his heart again and put this in mind. He was his first crush and maybe he will end up being the father of your daughter" and he was gone.

That last statement made me gulp so hard and sober up. Only the thought of my Everett being with another person sickens me to no end. Yet it was like a wake-up call, Marc was right, it was time to act my age. I love Ev and I am not willing to lose him. if my parents love me, they have to understand me. I want happiness and Everrett is my happiness.

And it's time to make it right.

I have to get my husband and daughter back.

*****

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