Everything Fragile✔

Chapter Thirteen - Teen Idle

   We have a substitute teacher today for gym class. Thank goodness because I'm not in the mood to work up a sweat. I sit by myself on the top row of the bleachers on the girls side of the gym, watching the boys play basketball. A few girls from cheer practice their routine on the sideline, laughing loudly whenever any of them mess up. They're all pretty and skinny and seem as if they don't have a care in the world for anything else besides boys and I guess school... and cheer.

   I remember when I used to be happy like that. I mean it wasn't that long ago so I can't forget it even if I wanted to. I had friends and I had my mom and I had Carter. Not to mention I was popular and felt indestructible. I suppose when I fell, I fell hard and everything good in my life came crumbling down with me. Now, I am nothing more than a shadow of my past self. I gained a couple of pounds, stopped wearing a full face of makeup, and began to dress in colors that old Quince would frown upon. I've become a stranger in my own body and I'm not really sure where to start collecting the fragments of my shattered being.

   Caleb really wants me to be his apprentice for some odd reason. With him it's all business meetings and stock markets and financing--none of which I'm remotely interested in. I mean last night, I struggled so hard to stay awake during the meeting. I could barely get through the hour. There's definitely no way in hell I'd get through being one of his little apprentices for more than a year. Really, all I want is to be a regular teenager and have fun and be dumb and enjoy life even for only a second. Yet, here I am alone and sad and reminiscing about a past that will never come back to me.

   The bell rings in good timing because my stomach starts to growl and rumble with hunger. I sling my bag over my shoulder, hop down the bleachers, and exit the gym. In the cafeteria I grab a parfait and a turkey sandwich before facing a sea of students. Everyone has their own cliques: jocks, theater kids, anime junkies, skateboarders, etc. In the front of the cafeteria is where I used to sit with Willow. We'd be wearing matching pink ribbons in our hair and laughing at jokes that only we'd understand. I don't look that way because I know that jealousy will be bursting through me if I see Jennifer in my spot by Willow's side.

   My eyes fall upon Mateo seated in his usual area near the rear of the cafeteria at a table by himself. I never would approach him, but today he looks up at me over his laptop as if he could sense me staring and his eyes brighten and before I know it I'm taking the seat beside him.

   "Hey." He says with a growing smile at his lips.

   "Hi." It almost feels like we're friends at this point and I'm grateful for that. Even if I don't trust him all that much. At least now I'm not eating lunch by myself.

   "You look a lot better today compared to last night."

   "I feel a lot better. That meeting was so boring it gave me a headache. I was absolutely exhausted when I got home and literally passed out as soon as I got into my bed."

   "Same here."

   "Pfft, yeah right. You were full of energy."

   "Huh?"

   "You were practically glowing."

   He chuckles and shakes his head. "That's not how I remember it. You probably didn't get enough sleep last night. You're still a little wonky in the head. Poor thing."

   "Estas loco en la cabeza."

   "No you."

   "Uh huh." I unwrap my sandwich and take a bite, chewing first before speaking. "Oh yeah, I wanted to tell you that I figured out my answer to your uncle's proposal."