The Art - cash au -

Habits

Nash POV

Leaving Cameron with the knowledge that I won't ever see him again is heartbreaking. I memorized the feeling of being in his arms and I miss them so much already. I can't let him pass up an awesome opportunity just for me. I'm not going to be swimming forever and being a writer for the Times is an amazing job where he can make connections and move up.

Once I'm done with swimming I won't need a manager and then he'll be stuck without a job, I can't do that to him, no matter how much I want him. This is the only way I know he'll take the Times job and I hate doing this to him but I really have no other alternative. He's insisting that managing me is what he wants to do but I don't know if he's thought about the future.

I return to North Carolina and I resign myself to continuing to live here and have my father manage me. It's miserable.

I know he's going out with his friends and there's s 3 hour difference. I wonder how he'll react once he realizes I'm ignoring him. I blink back tears because I don't know if I can do this but I have to, for him.

It's close to midnight when I get his message.

11:55pm Cammy 💕- hey baby, I'm home. FaceTime me when you get this 😍

I can't stop myself from reading it and I know he's able to see that I read the message but I'm not responding. I throw my phone to the side and curl up in a small ball, this is so hard. It's taking everything inside of me not to FaceTime him.

I force myself to sleep and when I wake up the next morning Cameron has sent a lot of text messages and has called my phone and left voicemails.

I make myself delete his messages without looking at them but I listen to his voicemails just to hear his voice. I force myself to route his calls to my voicemail, I know if I see him calling I won't be able to stop myself from picking up.

I close my eyes as I listen and at first he sounds casual, he's just checking in and making sure I arrived home okay but they grow progressively more panicked. I wipe the tears that fall from my eyes and I get up. I have a flight to catch to New York for a TV interview.

I'm quiet the whole day, my dad is with me and I just keep my headphones on, I ignore the world around me. We head straight to the studio and I'm shown to my green room. I stare at my phone and it lights up with messages from Cameron, I delete every message without looking at them. They bring cameras in to show me backstage right before I go out for my interview. My phone lights up just as they're filming me and I look up at the camera and give them a smile.

When they leave and lay my head on the couch and stare at the wall. I need him so much, this is torture.

I do my interview and after it's done I look at my phone, I have a new voicemail from Cameron. I listen to it right away, I'm in the back of a limo and we're headed to the airport.

"Baby, please call me. I know you're getting these messages and I don't know what's going on. Don't... don't do this to me baby, please. I couldn't stand it. Not... not again."

His voice cracks at the end and I feel terrible, I hate myself for making him sound that way, for breaking his heart. I'm such an idiot, how could I think I could ever leave him. I call him back immediately and his phone rings but he doesn't pick up. I send him a text.

Me- Cammy I'm so sorry, I'm such an idiot. I love you. Call me, I want to talk.

I compulsively check my phone for new messages from him and now I know how he feels being ignored by me. This is horrible.

I feel sick as I wonder if he gave up on me.

When we arrive at the airport instead to taking my flight home I decide to take a flight to California. Chad attempts to stop me but I don't pay any attention to him, my mind is solely focused on making things right with Cameron.

It's the longest flight if my life.

As soon as we land I check my phone, Cameron still hasn't replied and I spam his phone with text messages and voicemails. It takes forever to get off the plane, I'm stuck behind an elderly couple who appear to have no urgency in getting off the plane. When I'm finally off I rush to the baggage claim and grab my bag. I wait for my uber outside and as soon as I see the driver, I get in and quickly tell him the address. I keep checking my phone to see if Cameron replied, he hasn't and I feel even more sick.

What if he doesn't forgive me? What if I just ruined the best thing to ever happen to me?

We finally arrive at his apartment complex and I get my bag and run up the stairs. It's really early in the morning but I don't care, I need to see him. I need to make things right. I knock on the door and I can hear Jaxx inside barking.

When he opens the door, my heart drops, he looks so miserable and I can't believe I did that to him.

"Cam..." He doesn't let me finish talking he pulls me to him and kisses me deeply. Relief floods my body because I didn't ruin us, I kiss him back hungrily and he pulls me inside without detaching our lips. He pushes me up against the closed door and continue he's to kiss me, he sucks on my bottom lip after nipping at it and sliding his tongue over it. It feels amazing to kiss him like this, like he's afraid I'll disappear if he stops kissing me.

He slides his tongue inside my mouth and massages against mine, our kiss is frenzied and passionate, I want him so bad and if we don't have sex, I might burst into flames from how hot he's making me.

He ends the kiss slowly and we stare at each other, we're breathing quickly and he rests a hand on my waist, he slides it underneath my shirt and his touch sends tingles all throughout my body.

"Why?" He asks me quietly, he raises his other hand to my lips and he traces them gently. I kiss them as we continue to stare at each other, I can see the pain in his eyes and I hate that I put it there.

"I didn't want to hold you back, I don't know what was going through my head. After we hung up I started thinking that I'm not going to swim forever and eventually I won't need a manager. So what will you do then? If you take that position you're making a career, you can grow and advance there. I just don't want to ruin your life," I confess softly and he strokes my cheek gently. He leans in and presses a soft kiss on my bruised lips.

"God, I love you so much baby. You're amazing, you're perceptive and thoughtful. I don't want to write, baby, I want to manage you. I have so many plans for you already and it's going to be amazing. Yes, it's a great opportunity but so is managing you. Once you stop swimming there's s lot of things I could do just from being your manager. You are not going to ruin my life," he tells me and I feel like a fool, I never thought about that and all this pain could have been avoided if I had just communicated my worries to him instead of acting rashly when I don't look at the entire picture.

"Talk to me, baby, when you're feeling like that. Don't shut me out." He says gently and I swallow and nod at him.

"I'm sorry..." I reply guiltily, I feel so stupid. I'm young and inexperienced, my actions show that, I hope he doesn't get sick of me. "I'm just new at this whole relationship thing, bare with me, Cam. Don't give up on me, please."

"Never, baby. I'll never give up on you," he promises. I feel so relieved that I didn't fuxk things up beyond repair, he's so understanding and I'm so lucky to have him.

I tug on his hand and we go to his couch, he sits down and I straddle his lap as I sit on top of him. He slides his hands underneath my shirt and I press my lips to his, I want him so badly. I need him. I need him inside me and I need him today.

I know he wants to wait but I can't wait anymore. I grind my erection on his and try to seduce him with my movements and my kiss.

"I need you so bad, baby, I want you to make love to me," I murmur against his lips and he pulls away and looks into my eyes.

God, I hope he agrees.

A/n- short af but I hope you guys still like it ❤️