red herring [h.s.]

8.

Stella.

"What happened?"

"Oh my god." I groaned as I held out my glass, "I need another."

I held my finger up for the waiter who quickly refilled my shot glass with Patrón. Erin was of course in yet another bar when I called her. She was here with a guy who she had ditched the second I called, while I jumped into a cab and came straight here, no more than five minutes after Harry had left.

"Stella." Erin urged me as I downed the third shot and my face scrunched up as a shudder ran over my spine from the heavy taste of alcohol.

I was about to ask for another but Erin shot me a warning look and then shook her head at the waiter, "No, no more."

She then turned her head to me, "Tell me what happened."

I let out a breath as I held my head with both my hands, "He came to my work at Whitlock's and was all cute and nice and then suggested we spent the afternoon together. So we went out and got bagels and then it started pouring rain so I suggested we go to my place for some coffee."

Erin's brows raised but she didn't interrupt as I continued, "So we were on the couch and talked and then we started kissing and I was on his lap and it was really, really hot and then..." I sighed out, nibbling on my lip as I doubted telling Erin the next part. It was rather personal on Harry's part but then again I needed to tell this to someone and I needed the advice.

"Then what?" She pressed and I groaned again, "He couldn't get hard. Like we were grinding and making out and he kind of stopped me and said he couldn't get there, that he was nervous. And then he kind of suggested fingering me? I guess? And I blurted out that I'm on my period." I cringed deeply as I buried my face in my palms.

"And you're not?"

"No, I'm not."

"Whew." Erin mumbled, holding her finger up to the waiter, "Two more shots."

I sighed out again, wincing under my breath at the sheer embarrassment I felt about this story. When the waiter poured us more Patrón, I continued, "So we awkwardly sat down and then he got a call and he immediately left."

"He got a call? Like... a fake call? Like we do when we're on a date and we want to leave?" She checked and I shrugged, "I don't know. He said it wasn't like that, that it was really a work emergency and he assured me everything was okay and that I shouldn't worry, even kissed me goodbye. But I don't know, I feel like fucking shit."

Erin put her empty shot glass down as she leaned her elbow on the bar, "It's so weird how he couldn't get hard. You said he was hard the night you two met, just from some dancing together."

I nodded, "Exactly. And last weekend too at the pub and I hadn't even touched him. Oh my god, fuck." I sighed out again as I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples, "Erin, fucking help me. I don't know if I can ever face him again."

"And why didn't you want him to touch you?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, all the magic was kind of gone and I snapped out of it. Like you said, I was really in my head about him not being able to get there, and I immediately started doubting everything. I didn't want him to touch me if he wasn't really into it."

The four shots were definitely in my system as I felt a little woozy, which was exactly what I had been looking for as Erin gave me a puzzled look, "That's so weird... You don't think he's not into you, do you?"

"I don't know." I groaned out again, "It doesn't feel that way when we kiss. You know, we kiss like..." I pressed my lips together as I searched for the words, using my hands to make gestures in the air, "like he's a man and I'm a woman and it just... god, it's so hot. And now I'm all confused? I hardly know this guy and I was about to have sex with him. Jesus."

"Don't exaggerate." Erin rolled her eyes, "You do know him."

"I thought about it," I shrugged, "And he knows a lot about me but I don't know a lot about him. Like... he talks a lot but he doesn't really say much? If that makes sense? I know like the basics, like where he lives and what his job is and when his birthday is and stuff, but none of the personal shit? I don't know why he decided on moving here, I don't know any of his friend's names, I don't know if he has an important ex, I don't know if he's close to his parents, I don't know his dreams or his goals or his darkest fears..." I listed.

"Well... You've known the guy for three weeks, Stell. That might be a bit much." Erin mumbled as she sipped on her white wine.

I sighed, "That's the thing. I just... I don't want to regret anything. And him not being all that open is making me close off too. He saw the picture of Jeremy on my wall and asked about him and I completely shut down." I shrugged, "I could've easily told him but I didn't."

"Because you don't trust him?"

"Because I don't know him. And maybe that makes me a prude or old-school but I kind of need that in order to have sex with someone. No matter how attractive he is."

"Well, you know... there's no rush." Erin calmed me a little, "You've known each other for three weeks and seen each other a handful of times. Just take it slow, do what feels right."

"Me taking it slow is always way too slow for the other person." I sighed, "and it's not like I don't want to, I'm not against sex or anything."

Erin nodded, "I know. But you don't have to do it if your heart's not in it."

"I think it would be good though." I mused out loud, resting my chin on my palm as my elbow was on the bar, and I dreamed off into the distance at yet another imagining of me and Harry having sex. I didn't know how I knew, but I just had a gut feeling that it would be amazing.

"Earth to Stella." Erin deadpanned and I snapped out of it, sending her a soft smile, "Sorry."

"You know what we should do?" She piped up and I stole her wine for a sip, "What?"

"We should go dancing. Tomorrow. It's a Friday, we're single girls in New York... Let's just enjoy life and have fun, yeah?"

"Have you got another invitation to a new club, maybe?"

"I do," She shrugged, "but fuck that. We're going to a place that we know, a place that we love. So we're bound to have fun."

I smiled at that idea and nodded. It had been a while since we had been to a more casual club. The invitations that Erin got were usually for these grand openings that required something so fancy and those people just usually weren't my crowd which made it hard for me to let loose. Some underground dingy club was much more our thing.

"Have you heard from Zayn, by the way?" Erin spoke and I shook my head, "No, just a bit of texting but haven't seen him all week. You?"

"Same. It's weird. Ever since knowing him I've never gone this long without seeing him."

I slowly nodded, "He did say something about his mum being ill so he's probably arranging stuff to go home for a few days and see his family. I'll call him tomorrow to see what's going on, maybe he wants to join us in the evening."

"Good idea, I'll call Logan."

"Oh god," I groaned as I looked at my phone, "He's calling me."

"Zayn?"

"No, Harry." I sighed, showing her my screen.

"Are you going to answer him?"

I licked my lips, "I probably should." I pressed the green button and cleared my throat as I pressed the phone to my ear, "Hello?"