red herring [h.s.]

18. (*)

TW: death, illness

9

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Harry.

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It was a sleepless night for me. The entire day yesterday had been a ride.

3

I had been updating my Stella-file and hung out with my friends a bit until Stella asked me to go ice skating with her. I did, my friends showed up, we had an argument, we made up. We went to a bar, got drunk, I fingered Stella in an alley, she deepthroated me in her apartment while I made her come with a vibrator, I took naked pictures of her, she gave me the t-shirt, we showered together and then I found out about Jeremy.

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Her fucking dead ex.

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Jeremy, not Aidan. Even though when I asked her about it, she claimed to only have one ex, the guy from her high school who took her virginity.

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I was lying down on my bed and it was around six in the morning. My audio from the bug in Stella's apartment was playing out loud, but all I could hear was soft breathing and little snores coming from Zayn. Who spent the night. On her couch, so it seemed, but I couldn't be sure with just this audio footage.

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It was gut-wrenching to listen to Stella crying literally the entire night. Her and Zayn didn't talk much, and I supposed he just comforted her. I heard him urging her to take a shower, to eat something – which she refused. He never once pried to know what happened, what our argument had been about, what had been said or what I had done.

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It was the perfect opportunity though for him to bad-mouth me, but he didn't take it. He just consoled Stella and coaxed her as she cried for hours in a row. Whenever she tried to speak, it was choked and in hiccups, mumbling stuff I couldn't understand.

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I prayed to God he wasn't in her bed. I knew they weren't romantic together but still, I was in that same bed just hours before that with her. Changing the sheets together after she had squirted on them, seeing her pink cheeks when she saw the wet spots of her release over the white bedding, teasing her with it a little before I whispered in her ear how fucking hot it was to see her like that before shoving her back on the freshly made bed. She had to push me off before I stripped her naked again for another round.

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And now she was crying.

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And he was comforting her. I still wasn't sure as to why she had called him and not Erin or Logan who she had known for far longer. I had listened intently all night to her sniffles and whimpers until she seemingly feel asleep a few hours ago. And I hadn't closed an eye.

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She had a boyfriend who had died. Jeremy.

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Jeremy. Jeremy. Jeremy.

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Stella and Jeremy. Jeremy and Stella.

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Stella and Harry. Harry and Stella.

31

I rolled my eyes to myself as I straightened up in my bed and decided to make myself some coffee and smoke a cigarette. There was no way I was getting any more sleep tonight. I had called Liam in a panic since he was the only one I really trusted for advice. He said I couldn't blame myself. Even if I did start taking a liking in Stella, my head was still filled with the assignment and what Matt wanted from me in this job. That had completely overpowered me in that moment which is why I completely ignored her when she begged me to drop it. All I could think of was the assignment and how close I was possibly getting to answers.

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Find Stella, get to know her, find the connection to Kristina and wait. Wait, wait, wait. Wait for Kristina to get to Stella and then take her down. Stella is the way to Kristina and that's who we need to find. Stella was just collateral damage, her heart was just collateral damage. And I knew that and I didn't care. At least at first I didn't.

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The first few times we met I couldn't wait to get it over with, and afterwards I'd go to a bar or a club and hook up with someone else while she was writing columns about me. Now I was going crazy with the thought that she had another man in her bed.

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I smoked inside even though the building forbid it. Complete silence filled the apartment as I kept my ears perked for any sign of movement in Stella's place.

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Liam had assured me that I had done nothing wrong. The execution of what I was trying to do, was poor and he agreed with me on that, but there was no way I could've known. I was just trying to figure something out and I could've never guessed that she had a fucking dead ex-boyfriend.

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For all we knew she was hiding something major or relevant and I had to drag that answer out of her.

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About an hour later I heard the first movement in Stella's apartment. Soft footsteps walked around while the quiet snoring continued, and I knew it was Stella manoeuvring around her space. The flushing of the toilet sounded soon after and the snoring abruptly stopped.

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"Hey." I heard Zayn's raspy voice and Stella sighed, "Hey." She muttered back, "Did you sleep a little? I'm sorry the couch is so uncomfortable, I shouldn't have as-"

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"Stella." Zayn interrupted her, "I'm fine, don't worry. I get it."

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I frowned a little at his words. Did he want to spend the night in her bed and she rejected him? At least it was confirmation he slept on the couch.

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"How do you feel?" Zayn followed up.

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"Like shit. I'm gonna call him."

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Zayn cleared his throat, "Yeah? It's seven in the morning, Stell. He's probably not even awake yet."

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"Then I'll leave a message." She muttered, "I have to talk to him, I have to explain. He... he thinks I've lied and I'm keeping stuff from him and it's never my intention to make him feel like that."

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I bit my tongue at her words, in pure disbelief that she felt guilty for making me suspicious. I was already dressed and hearing this only prompted me to go back to her place right away. New York was silent at this hour on a Sunday and it took me a few minutes to get a cab. I continued listening in when I was in the car on my way to hers, keeping a close eye on my phone but she didn't call me.

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"What are you going to tell him?" Zayn asked.

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A pause.

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"I don't know. Everything, I suppose. He's right, he deserves to know."

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"Stella..." Zayn muttered, "Don't beat yourself up. Everyone has secrets. It's a personal thing, you don't have to feel bad for keeping it to yourself. He shouldn't have pried it out of you like that."

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I rolled my eyes at Zayn behaving like a fucking saint while I knew so much shit about him that would make Stella throw up.

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"Keep the change." I mumbled to the cab driver as I jumped out of the car and tucked my wired earbuds away. I closed the bug-app and stored my phone in my pocket as I hurried to her front door and rang her bell. Jimmy wasn't here today. He never was on the weekends.

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I knew I had to fix it with Stella now. Before she went home for the holidays, before we didn't see each other for a few days. I couldn't let her celebrate Christmas with her parents when I had made her feel so shitty.

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"Harry?" I heard her hoarse voice through the intercom and I stared into the camera, "Please, let me up." I murmured and I heard her emitting a breath, "Okay. I just want you to know... don't freak out when you come up here. Zayn's here. I swear, nothing happened, he j-"

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