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why do I still? • park sieun

prompt: liking your best friend, but not saying anything or acting on it out of fear of ruining the relationship. The irony is the other person feeling the same way, but also not saying anything out of fear. So living in that uncertainty in order to protect what you guys have but wrestling with your emotions.

inspired by 'Why do I still?' by nieman ft may angeles

pairing: (stayc) park sieun x male reader.

genre: angst

word count: 797

You stood in silence as you stared at the blonde girl who stood in front of her locker speaking to two of her closest friends Isa and Sumin, you let out a quiet sigh as you felt your heart speed up as you both made eye contact before averting your eyes from each other as you felt your face heat up embarrassed that she caught you staring at her.

"Bro you need to tell her how you feel." Your bestfriend Beomgyu said from beside you as he watched as you would occasionally glance at her after you guys made eye contact with each other, he felt sorry for you honestly. He knew how much you liked Sieun but you were to afraid to do anything about it and he wished you would just tell her that you like her.

"I don't want to look stupid when she doesn't return the same feelings and I also don't want to lose my bestfriend." You responded with a hint of sadness in your voice, Beomgyu frowned as he remembered the conversation he had with Sieun where she had confessed to him that she also harbored the same feelings for you but was also afraid for the same exact reason.

"I really don't think you should be worried about her not liking you." Beomgyu responded quietly but you stayed quiet as you pulled out your textbook for the class you had to head to which you also shared with Beomgyu, Sieun and one of Sieun's other friends Sumin. You let out another deep sigh as you begin to make your way to class with Beomgyu following closely behind you.

"Sieun why won't you just tell him? I know it's eating you alive, but I think you should finally just come out about your feelings for him before it's too late." Sumin said as they both waved 'bye' to Isa who was also heading to her class.

"You know exactly why I won't tell him, I know he doesn't feel the same way and I'm not ready to lose him as my bestfriend." Sieun responded as she held her books close to her chest as she stared at the back of your head as you retreated into your guys shared class. They followed closely behind you and Beomgyu as she made her way to the table she shared with you, a faint blush formed on both of your cheeks as you guys both stared at the black table top of your science table.

You both would occasionally steal glances from each other and blush whenever the other would catch them looking.

'Do I fold or go all in?' You thought to yourself as you took another glance at Sieun as the class started the moment the teacher walked in, you tear your eyes away from her side profile as you began to write down the notes the teacher was writing down on the board as your mind would occasionally wonder back to the question you would always ask yourself.

'Am I willing to go on without being with the one who I truly want to be with?'

Sieun also had the same question on her mind, she hated not being able to call you hers and she wished she had the guts to just risk everything and tell you how she truly felt about you but she was more scared about losing you as a friend than you not feeling the same as her.

But she couldn't help but to think about what it would be like if you guys were dating, was it worth taking the chance. Her heart was telling her it was worth the chance but her mind was telling her that she may lose you forever and that's what scared her the most.

She wished she was able to read your mind to figure out if she runs through your mind as much as you run through hers. She felt stuck because she wanted to be with you more than words could ever express but she doesn't want to ruin everything you guys built together, all she could really do is suffer in silence as she falls more and more in love with you everyday.

You guys only wished you were brave enough to tell each other how you truly felt.

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writing this made me want to write a park sieun story lol might end up doing that actually, but i hope you guys enjoyed this since its been a few weeks(?) since i updated this so i hope you guys enjoyed this.