Loved Behind the Sun

Chapter 15

Pagkatapos ko magbihis ay lumabas na ko mula sa walk in closet. I saw Nolan sitting on my sofa while waiting for me, tumaas naman kaagad ang kilay niya ng makita ako.

"How's your feet? Namamaga parin ba?" Tanong niya. Umiling ako at paingka ingka na naglakad papunta sa kama ko para doon maupo.

"I'm sorry about earlier, I'll knock on your door next time so it won't happen again" Paghingi niya ulit ng pasensya.

"I..It's fine, kasalanan ko rin naman at hindi ako nag lock ng pinto. Tsaka, it's not the first time you saw me naked like what you said," I awkwardly said at napatikhim naman siya sa sinabi ko.

"Don't worry, I didn't meant what I said na hindi ka sexy. Kung hindi ka lang talaga taken, baka naulit ang nangyari sa'tin five years ago," He blurted at nanlaki naman ang mata ko, naramdaman ko rin ang pag iinit ng pisngi ko. How can he said that in such a casual tone? Hindi ba siya naiilang?

"Come on Nolan, if you really wanted to do it again, do it with Yna dahil siya ang Fiancé mo" I said habang pinapatuyo ang buhok ko gamit ang twalya.

He chuckled at umiling.

"No, we never did. I don't want her to assume anything and I promised to myself that I would only do it with someone whom I really love" Habang sinasabi niya 'yon ay titig na titig siya sa aking mata, It's like he want me to feel his sincerity and loyalty towards me, the assurance that he loved me so much that he is willing to make love with me numerous times before.

"You'll eventually like Yna sooner or later. Yna's a nice girl, hindi ka mahihirapan mahalin siya Nolan. You're getting married soon and as a girl, we all deserved to be loved by our soon to be husband right?" I said and he just looked away and he seems confuse if he would follow my words or not.

"I wish it could be that easy, na kaya ko lang mahalin siya ng ganoong kabilis because she is bound to be my wife, I understand your point but it's so hard for me Zole, to be honest... mas lalo akong nahihirapang subukan siyang mahalin lalo na't palagi kitang nakikita ngayon" He blurted and I was shock by his words that I don't know how will I react and respond from his words.

"Nolan, I'm really sorry for everything-" Nagulat ako ng bigla siyang tumayo mula sa sofa at ang mga mata niya'y parang galit na may pagkadismaya sa sinabi ko.

"Tapatin mo nga ko Zole, did you really cheat on me or you just made up all of the things you said to me before?" He asked na ikinagulat at ipinagtaka ko. Napatayo narin ako sa pagkakaupo at tinignan siya na parang naguguluhan sa sinabi niya.

"What are you talking about? Are you doubting me from cheating on you? Hindi ka naniniwala na niloko kita noon at hindi na kita mahal?" I ask and he stepped closer to me now with his furious and confusing eyes.

"May dapat nga ba ko ipagtaka Zole? Call me delusional or what but I don't fucking care and I know that all of the assumptions I'm thinking right now is all true... hindi mo ko pinagpalit sa iba and I'm also damn sure na minahal mo ko" He said na lubhang ikinabilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Paano siya nagkaroon ng mga ganitong paghihinala? Paano niya naisip na hindi ko siya totoong niloko?

"N..Nolan hindi ko alam ang mga pinagsasabi mo-" He cut me off again.

"Of course you would fucking deny it! Enough with all these bullshit at hindi ko na kayang magpanggap pa na hindi ko alam ang totoo! Zole, you never cheated, you never replaced me, mostly, you still love me the moment you broke up with me" He said that which cause my heart to pound a million beats and all I could do is stare down and let my tears fall from everything I heard. What should I do? Sasabihin ko na ba sakanya na totoo lahat ng hinala niya? Should I deny it and just kept on lying to him once again and could potentially ruined our friendship.