I Still Do

Chapter 11

(Amnesia By 5 Seconds Of Summer)

Wilbur's Pov

TW- Panic/Anxiety Attack

I threw my phone down on the concrete and watched it lay there. My hands shook and I leaned against the brick wall outside of the hospital.

The tears burned my eyes, and my throat felt as if it was closing up.

"Wilbur?!" Ryder screamed as he ran outside.

Max followed quickly behind him as I pounded my fists against the brick wall. Nothing I have ever felt can ever compare to how I feel at this moment.

"How did this happen?! Why does life choose to change within a blink of an eye?" Max sobbed into Ryder's arms.

The rain poured from the sky harder. I felt as if it was harder to breathe. I needed to get out of here.

"Wilbur, where are you going?" Ryder asked once he saw me start to walk away.

"I can't stay here."

"Why? She would want you here-"

"She doesnt even fucking know me! She doesn't remember my fucking name, she doesnt remember who i am. She doesn't remember that i loved her, i still do. I still fucking love her. You don't get it- She may be your friend, but that woman in there is the fucking light of my life. Imagine if that was Ember. How the hell would you feel?! Seeing the love of your life, not recongize you, after sitting beside her for seven fucking years."

I sobbed as the rain poured down harder.

"You can't just run from your problems, Wilbur." Max tried to reason and I felt for him.

He was there when the accident happened, he was in it, but god, i felt horrible.

"I'm more of taking a detour. I just can't be in there- right now- i need to go- im sorry." I rambled on before speed walking down the street.

I tried to turn on my phone, but it wouldn't turn on. I walked quickly back to my flat and as soon as I walked into the door I threw the first thing I could get my hands on. I watched as the glass shattered on the floor. And I threw more.

My entire flat was trashed.

There were pillows all over the floor, glass was broken everywhere just like my heart.

I looked around the empty flat and saw a note from Phil.

Taking everyone to Zana and Nora's, then I'm coming back.

I rushed around my flat trying to clean up, but when the door burst open I dropped another glass. My hands shook as I tried to sweep it up.

"Wilbur?!" Phil called out as he ran through the flat trying to find me.

"In- here." I choked out as I dropped everything I was holding.

I give up. I officially gave up. I didnt move, I didn't breathe.

I couldn't breathe.

I let the blood stream down my hands and I pounded my fists against my counter top.

"Why me, Phil?! Why does life have it out so badly for me?!" I screamed as he walked into the kitchen.

He stopped where he was and looked at me. My kitchen was trashed. My life was trashed.

"What the hell happened?!" Phil asked, seeing all of the damage that I caused.

"She woke up, Phil." I spoke quickly as my cries could be heard throughout my entire flat.

"Are you fucking shitting me right now?!" Phil shouted, a smile on his face.

Oh how quickly that's going to be taken off of his face.

"No-"

"Thats fucking amazing!" Phil shouted once again.

"And guess what Phil?!" I shouted with a smile on my face, and tears streaming down my face.

"What?"

"She doesn't remember shit!" I laughed like it was a joke.

God how I wish it was a joke.

Phil stopped moving, he stood there frozen. The smile dropped from his face, but it stayed on mine. I deserved every last bit of this. Or I believed that I did. I kicked the glass on the floor, causing it to slide across the floor.

"She what..?" Phil asked quietly, like he didn't want to set me off.

I'm not a fragile person, I have no idea why he's treating me like I am.

"She doesn't remember anything. She thinks she's sixteen still. She doesn't even remember moving to Brighton. She doesnt remember a single fucking thing about me Phil. And the first fucking thing she said to me, was that i had nice hair. I swear! When will I ever catch a break!" I shouted, feeling all of my emotions go haywire.

The blood on my hand started to dry up and I watched it. I watched as I gripped the counter, and my knuckles turned white.

"It should have been me, Phil." I slipped out, my voice cracking with every word.

"Don't say that."

"I won't say it anymore when it becomes the truth to me. Now I have to sit here, and act fine. And I'm not fine at all! I have to pretend that this doesnt hurt me as much as it does, because when i told her about herself from my point of view, she broke down fucking sobbing."

Silence took over my flat. Neither of us wanted to talk, neither of us wanted to start a conversation. Neither of us seemed like we wanted to be here.
The doorbell rang which snapped us out of our thoughts.

I stayed standing still and Phil went to get it. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I felt like I could hear it.

"Hello- I didn't expect-"

"Where is he?" I heard a female voice.

"Mum?" I questioned as she held onto me like I was going to disappear.

At this moment, I did feel like I was going to disappear. I felt like I was drowning. I was barely above water, I was barely able to breathe. I sobbed into my mothers arms, and we stood in the middle of my kitchen. She just held me, like a mother should comfort their child.

I thank Daytona every single day for bringing my parents back to me. Showing them that I couldn't get through this world without them.

Because all I needed right now, was my mother. My father sent Phil back to Zana and Jacks, telling him that they would text him. I was grateful for that, but at the same time it made me feel horrible.

I didn't want to push people away, but that's what I was doing. My father cleaned up my flat and my mother stayed there, standing with me in the kitchen as I sobbed into her arms.

"This is worse than I have ever seen you." She whispered while she rubbed my back.

"She woke up, Mum. And she doesn't remember a thing. My heart cannot handle this, I can't do this mum. I can't watch her and have her not know who I am."

"It will get better, darling. She will remember, it will just take time."

"Don't you think enough time has been taken from us? It's been seven years since I've heard her voice, seen her eyes, heard her laugh, seen her smile, and she did all of that today, and I've never felt better. But as soon as she asked us who we were, I wanted to fall and crumble to my knees. My entire world fell apart, within a blink of an eye."

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