THE SUN AND THE MOON | newt x male-oc

18.

The rest of the day was a fog for apollo, he remembered some moments vaguely- the looks that clint would give him when they made eye contact, laughter with his friends- but nothing specific. It felt as though his mind was using up all its energy on the impending conversation with newt.

He wiped down his counter and dumped the cloth in the sink, washing his hands as he spoke. "I'm off now, ill see you all at dinner."
A chorus of goodbyes from his friends followed as he walked out of the door, another smug smile from clint as he passed. Knowing newt wouldn't be off yet, apollo made his way over to his tree and climbed it with ease: it was a talent that came naturally, a second sense. He observed as life continued from a distance. It was calming for apollo, it grounded him, reassuring him that it was real and rewinding his mind with the peaceful simplicity of it all. It's easy to forget the small problems that mutate from afar: the pebbles that pile together to create the boulder.

He noticed some boys play fighting with their axes, young boys, laughing and cheering at one another. He smiled unconsciously when a certain blonde walks over to them, scolding them for the potential danger their fun could cost them. A fondness overcomes him when he squints, now able to make out the 'disappointed sassy mum' stance he had taken up. A giggle arose in his throat. He hadn't realised how infatuated he truly was with the boy until now. He would've wondered how he didn't know sooner if he wasn't aware of his skill to hide emotions- even to himself.

Apollo inhaled. His shoulders relaxed and his lungs felt full for the first time in a while. It wasn't that he wasn't breathing deep enough normally, it was just that his lungs were craving for something else: and intangible substance that thinned the air, making breathing enjoyable.

He had never realised quite how beautiful the glade truly was, even with its mossy concrete walls. As daunting as they were, they merely skimmed over as to watch in awe at the rest of the environment. The green of the grass and the foliage was luscious and such a fantastic colour you would wonder if they were truly real had you not been caught up in the beauty of it, adorned with flowers of every colour and type. And when apollo looked over to where the gladers had built their shabby huts, he no longer found himself viewing them with an appalled amusement but with a sense of comfort and strange pride- the boys he knew and saw every day had built them from nothing, without memories, without much equipment, alone in a strange place they'd never been. He was home. He was a glader now.

A voice in his head was telling him to not get to attached, to not settle for the future is unknown and has never held anything but cruelty for apollo.

A few hours of mindless people-watching had gone by when he realised someone was calling his name.
"Apollo!" He looked down the second he recognised it, believing it to be newt. Instead chuck stood, his hands wrapped around his mouth like a megaphone, Christian hovering shyly behind his shoulder, not looking up in fear eye accidental eye contact.
"Chuckie!" He smiled, disappointed it wasn't who he had hoped, but not at all in another way, he loved chuck, he was his brother, not that he'd admit to that.
"Newt wanted me to tell you he'll be really busy for a few hours but to go to his room after dinner, he says you can talk there!" Disappointment pooled in his stomach once again.
"Thanks chuckie!" It was silent for a moment before the younger boy spoke up again, " do you wanna come and hang out with us for a bit?"
"Sure mate!" And within seconds, apollo had smoothly climbed down from his tree and landed infront of the boys, brushing his trousers as he stood.

"What are we doing?"
"We're gonna make stuff" chuck seemed pretty exited at his plan and so apollo put a small smile on his face.
"Sounds fun, let's go," chuck's smile widened significantly, proud that apollo thought it was cool.

- - - -

Apollo sat at the table, eating. Chuck had been wondering what they should make a few hours before and apollo suggested a den. Of course, neither of the two younger boys knew how to make one so they were mostly fetching branches and doing the simple tasks apollo had set them. It was another skill apollo had but wasn't sure where it came from- he could build a temporary den perfectly. For a split second he wished he could remember why he knew those things until he remembered his nightmares. "You're our soldier. You'll make us proud, you want that,dont you?"
No.
"Yes ma'am."
It had taken him a few seconds to clear his mind, but as everything that you try to avoid, it kept coming back.

Despite the food having been made by frypan's expert hand, it was tasteless in Apollo's mouth. Every so often he would look around the seating area, his eyes scouring every individual face until he saw the one he wanted. He was yet to turn up. As he thought about the impending conversation with the golden-haired boy once again today, it struck him that he didn't actually know where newt's room was. He would have to ask chuck afterwards.

Dinner was ending and newt still hadn't showed. Apollo realised that he probably wouldnt be able to eat because of this and so, after asking chuck where his room was, he asked frypan if he could take him a plate of food. Even though he was concerned he still managed to find the disbelief on fry's face amusing.

Standing outside newt's room, the thoughts were almost getting the better of him. He knew why he was nervous but he thought this was overly unnecessary. Yet he still stood there for over three minutes. He had to do it. Just do it.
He knocked on the door, hoping for an answer. When he didnt get one, he slowly pushed the door open to an empty room. He knew it was wrong for him to go through his things and yet he couldn't stop himself. It was drilled into his subconscious. As he shuffled though his draws he found bandages and first aid equipment, he then found notebooks and, flicking through the pages, he found that they were work notes with little sketches in the corner of his page, mostly butterflies.
His mind was at war, one voice was telling him that what he was doing was wrong, he doesn't have any right to go through newt's belongings, that he was disrespecting his privacy whereas the other was telling him that he was making sure he was safe, for who knows what secrets newt could be hiding, he could be dangerous.
"You'll be a great soldier for us."
Apollo was running his hands through files in a cabinet, he was running out of time, he knew he was. His black jacket hung off of his shoulders a little, his twelve year old self was yet to fill out. He pulled it over his shoulder again, covering up his wicked printed shirt and went back to flicking through the files.
He moved over to his bed, he couldn't stop himself, it was like an addict getting his fix after a while of sobriety. He pulled up the mattress and found a bundle of letters. Holding them delicately in his hands, he untied the knot around them and unfolded them to read.

Newt,
We all miss having you around. We're here for you, waiting until you get better again.

Apollo jolted back into the reality of his actions. He shouldn't have done this. It isn't right. It was wrong. He was wrong. The tear stains on the paper and the obvious sentimentality of the letter's opening made him realise that he needed to stop. If newt wanted to tell him, he would. He shakily did the knot up again and placed it back under his mattress, looking around to see if anything was out of order, he felt satisfied and put the plate on the desk and set next to the door, his back leant against the wall and his feet tucked up against himself.

After a while he felt heavier, the room was cosy and warm. His mind was barely making sense of his environment as he felt it slipping away.

A/n: hello, sorry for not having updated in a while. Idk if you can tell when i had a few days of good mental health but i feel like you can. Or at least i can. I haven't double checked this so please tell me if there are any mistakes or it's a bit strange, on my good day i did write it around 1am so that might be it.
Please look after yourselves and eat and drink <33
-L