Alex:
Beep... Beep...
Beep... Beep...
Beep... Beep...
What the fudge cakes is that noise? It's really ticking me off, I'm trying yo sleep! I'm so tired, why does my head hurt? My whole body is aching.
Opening my eyes they come in contact with Justin's warms chest. "Hmmmm" I hum while snuggling closer to his body heat, I'm so cold. Why am I so cold?
"Alex?" Justin whispers in my ear.
Sighing I reply "yeah?"
"How are you feeling baby boy?"
"I'm cold and tired" is my only reply before trying to get more comfy. Why does Justin's bed seem less comfy than before? "Justin, why is your bed less comfy?"
"We aren't in my bed baby boy."
"What do you mean?" I nose crinkles in confusion, causing Justin to lean down and kiss it.
"You are sick baby boy" Justin whispers in my ear softly.
Just like that, those five simple words cause everything to come rushing back with a vengeance. Me throwing up, coughing up blood, passing out, everything.
My eyes burn from my tears trying to force their way out of my tear ducts, and they succeed. My bottom lip trembles as I look up at Justin. "What's wrong with me?"
"You have Leukaemia baby boy, stage two" Justin whispers, as if that will make it all a dream or something.
The dam breaks and a tidal wave of tears come pouring out. My body shakes with the force of my sobs as Justin rubs my back, providing comfort. I can feel Justin's tears hitting my cheek, were his face is laid.
Why? Why me? What have I ever done to deserve this? My life has always been messed up, and when I finally feel safe and loved it had to be ruined! I wonder if my father would even care that his only son is dying? He probably doesn't care, he hasn't cared since mummy died.
"I wan't my mummy!" I sob into Justin's chest, clutching onto it for dear life.
"Shh, baby boy, I'm right here. Everything will be ok. We have to fight this together, I promise that I will never leave your side." I look up into Justin's eyes, whimpering softly, I see love shining through his gorgeous green eyes. Love?
"I love you Alex! I promise to never leave your side, we are in this together, to the end" he declares.
"L-l-l-o-o-v-ve?" I stutter.
"Yes baby boy, I am in love with everything you do, I'm in love with you. It's ok if you don't love me, just remember; I will always be here for you, no matter what."
Do I love Justin?
"I-I-I-I..." just as I'm about to reply, the doctor walks in.
"It's time we start your chemotherapy Alex. The sooner we start the better."
"Ok, but what is your name sir?" I question.
"Oh, I'm sorry, please excuse me for being rude" the doctor clears his throat "my name is Dr Peter. It's nice to meet you Alex." I simply nod in reply, before cuddling into Justin's warms chest.
"How are you feeling today Alex?" Dr Peter asks.
Shrugging my shoulders I simply state "tired, cold and my whole body is aching."
"Ok, the chemo isn't going to make the pain go away, but after it I can arrange for some medication to help with the pain. Staying with your loved ones help as well." Dr Peter explains.
Looking up into Justin's eyes I reply "Justin is the only family I have left."
"Very well, he can join you in the room we will be giving you your chemotherapy." After that Justin scoops me up into his arms before following the doctor out of the room. I lay my head on his shoulder, content with being in his arms, yet scared of what is about to happen. Will chemo hurt? My body already hurts, and the doctor said that chemo wouldn't make it any easier.
"Hey, Doc?" Justin calls up ahead.
"Hmm?" Dr Peter looks over his shoulder at us.
"Is it possible for me to stay with Alex during his time at chemo?" Justin's question warms my heart, if I don't already love Justin, I think I just got that much closer to loving him.
"Yeah, that is perfectly fine with me" Dr Peter simply answers. Opening a door he leads us into warm cosy looking room, with what I presume to be the chemo machine, next to the double bed. The bed looks extra fluffy and comfy.
"Just lay Alex on the bed please Justin." The doctor instructs my boyfriend. "Then we can start with the chemotherapy."
My body starts to shake. "Justin, I'm scared" I whimper against his chest.
Sitting on the bed Justin gently rocks us back and forth, "it's ok, Dr Peter is going to set everything up then we can have some piece and quiet." Nodding my head I allow the doctor to do what he needs. Shortly after completing his task, before leaving Dr Peter explains that I might begin to feel nauseous and tired, do to the chemo.
"Justin?" I ask quietly.
"Yes baby boy?"
"I'm going to lose all my hair, aren't I?"
"Yes."
"Will you still love me when I'm bald? When I get so tired it is hard for me to kiss you for long periods of time?" I question Justin nervously.
"I promise, I will still love you. Even when you are falling asleep on me during our make out sessions or you have no hair." Justin chuckles softly, while nuzzling the crook of my neck.
Closing my eyes I let the darkness consume me, as Justin holds me close to his warm body. Being this close makes me feel safe, loved, cherished, like I can conquer the world just as long as Justin is by my side. We can accomplish anything.
+++++
The next time I open my eyes, it's to Dr Peter disabling the chemotherapy. He puts his finger to his lips, signalling me to be quiet then pointing over towards Justin.
I look over to my boyfriend, who looks exhausted, his arms are wrapped tightly around my waist. He's holding onto me as if he is afraid I will slip through his fingers while he is sleeping. Which I suppose that could happen now after the revelation of my illness.
"I will just leave you two, we will probably just move you to this room so that it is easier for you to have your chemotherapy." I just nod in response, as he makes his way out the room.
I stare contently at Justin, he is the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. He barely knows me, yet here he is, holding me while I become this sick person who won't be able to do anything very soon. He is better off finding someone who won't die on him.
But I promised him that I would stay optimistic about the whole situation. So here I am laying in the strong arms of my boyfriend. I will survive this, we will be together, until the end.
"I love you Justin."
__________________________________________________________________
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