Intoxication// Euphoria

II.

       Burning
It wasn't an unknown feeling to Davina. In fact, it was the opposite. The feeling of your lungs begging for air or the feeling of heavy pressure on her ears and eyes. The only way Davina could describe what she was doing to herself was but little cold pin needles stabbing her lungs over and over again. God she loved the feeling.
Davina held her body underneath the water. Her hands clung to each side of the metal tub they had outside. This was where she did her ice baths every week or every two weeks. She didn't want to overdo it. When you try to kill yourself your body is Automatically betraying you. It will fling itself around and try to get air to your lungs after you hang yourself. Your brain will start to re-wire itself when you get a head injury. All of this Davina knew. It didn't matter how much she tried to fight her body from going for air. She would lose. That's how she also knew. she wasn't ready to die. Not yet anyway.

When Nate Jacobs was 11 years old, he found his dad's porn collection. His dad, Cal, was obsessive. His mom always said that's who he got it from. Then he quickly realized that the colored cases and placement were no accident. It was an elaborate code, one to ensure that no one fucked with his shit. Every video was They'll drink, make small talk.. and then his dad would fuck the shit out of them. When he got to the red-colored case he found out what anger was really about. Photo after photo showed Davina Evans and Elijah Evans.

First day of school. Davina didn't have any nerves about the day. To have those you would have to care about what people thought. You would give a shit about the people there. She didn't. The only thing she cared about was getting her credits and leaving as soon she graduated. So she did what she did best. Got dressed and just lived. That's all she'll do till her body was ready to die. Pretend to live.

Now when I tell you that Davina could dress I meant it. She had talent. When she was you her mother would take her shopping to get clothes. Everything had to match. If Davina whore a green shirt, her pants had to be green or blue. She was allowed to wear anything without running it by her mother. Davina hated what she had to wear. In her opinion, the popcorn shirt and those stupid itchy belts were so fucking ugly. It wasn't till she stopped caring about her mom did she dress for herself. Let me tell you..when she finally did that, she was free.

She walked towards her first period. The first day was always fun,  people trying to figure out where their class was or the older kids trying to be cool and show they matter. Not that do. Not to Davina that is. One of the first things she noticed was how close Rue and the blonde girl from Friday seemed to be. She watched as they held hands and laughed together. The more Davina watched the more she realized she hadn't seen her before. Someone like doesn't just blend in. Hell Davina knew she didn't want to. The way she dressed, the day she twirled body screamed attention. She couldn't see the Appeal in wanting to be friends with Rue. Not that she had an issue with rue..except her close. God Davina hated her fucking clothing. The only decent thing she ever wore was the burgundy-colored hoody.

Kat Hernandez liked to watch Davina. Not in a creepy stalker way but in an envious way. Her friend group knew that Davina was beautiful and hell Davina knew it too. She seemed so sure of herself..so confident. Very unlike Kat. They were never really that close. Cassie and Davina were super closes before they fell out. Kat was close to Maddy. Now everything is so different. When everything came down Kat had a choice. Continue to hang out with the people she felt comfortable with or someone who made her second guess herself. You know who she chooses.
Kat made her way to the seat farther to the left of Davina. Not really want to sit next to her but didn't have a lot of options. She hoped someone would sit there. Thankful neither one of them had to wait long. Before a boy who couldn't be more than 5'8" sat down. Davina noticed he was blonde slightly lanky. Nothing special. Raising his hand he introduced himself. "Hi. I'm Ethan. " Davina wasn't sure what to expect but to hear kat say "please don't be a mass shooter" wasn't one of them. Chuckling she turned to watch the show. Ethan who didn't really know how to respond stared at the girl. "What?" Davina chuckled a bit. "Sorry, it's just, like, the first thing that came to mind."  Kat didn't sound sorry at all. Which amused Davina. Ethan continued to look a little shocked. "Oh, my God." Breathing in the turned to Davina. "Am I giving off shooter vibes?" Now Davina could have waited a few seconds but instead, she gave a short. "Yes." this caused kat to snicker again but still felt a little bad by the look of complete devastation on poor Ethan's face. "Look, I don't know. What's your Reddit username?" Looking completely serious. Ethan let a ghost of a smile come on his lips. "Um, it's incelUprising." sharing a look both girls just stared at Ethan. Neither knows how to respond. Davina who didn't know in  Situations like this simply scooted further away. "Please shoot my chest and not my face. I'm too pretty for a closed casket." Both Kat and Ethan started to chuckle before seeing the serious look that rested on her face. "Why would I joke about that?" So far Biology 101 doesn't look too bad.
Davina let her head rest on the edge of the pool as she relaxed. She couldn't be bothered with any of her homework. She simply put her bag in her bedroom before changing and getting in the pool. When Davina was little she had a fear of water. So bad that she couldn't take baths or even showers. She would leave the shower curtain open, letting the water splash everywhere. Not caring about the mess or the cold air hitting her body. She could feel her body freeze when she tried to move. It wasn't till she decided fuck it and throw herself into their pool. If she lived, she lived. If she died she died. Cal Jacobs who was good friends with her father watched as the girl next door jumped into the deep in. Being friends with her father, he knew about her fear of water. But seeing the little 10-year-old jump without a care in the world. It started something. An obsession.
Cal watched as 17-year-old Davina lay there. This was something he loved to do. Watching the pretty girl next door. Knowing his son had a thing for her. He wouldn't say it but he felt a little bit of  Smugness every time he saw a son get rejected. Neither one of them could have her. Cal continued to watch her. Noticing that she had picked up her phone. Unknowing to him she watched as Kat Hernandez lost her virginity. Now Davina was proud to say that she didn't give a fuck about anyone's sex life. You wanted to fuck anyone and everything, none of her business. You didn't want sex, good for you. However, she will draw the line when it comes to four things.
1: taken/married people.
2: children.
3:  unconsented

Deciding she would talk to Kat tomorrow she got out of the water. Her one-piece suit clung to the skin as she bent to pick up her towel. It was like many of her clothes it was white in color. . Cal who stepped back two steps and raised his camera. Photos and photos he collected of the girl next door.