Ecstasy, Misery

14 | addiction

oh, make me over

i'm all i wanna be

a walking study

in demonology

celebrity skin - hole (1998)

June 2nd, 1998

"You think that's funny, Bigfoot?" The Jersey Blonde sets her sights on me and I quickly shut up, not meaning to laugh.

Bigfoot?

Man, I think I just might prefer Cruella over that one. I'm not even that tall. 5'4" is perfectly normal.

"No, very much not funny," I answer, hazily, blinking slow at the toddler on her hip, a little boy with Connor's hazel eyes and wavy hair.

"Why the fuck are you laughing then?" Jersey Blonde presses on with a scowl , taking a step forward like she's about to walk right into the house, but Briella's hand is on her shoulder right away, keeping her at bay.

Why am I laughing? That is a great question.

I guess maybe it is a little funny how the first boy I like that actually likes me back cheated on me the same week he asked me out and it's also so funny how I was desperate enough to give him a second chance when he said he'd be completely honest from now and it's so flippin hilarious that he just forgot to mention that he has a child.

A child.

I'm starting to wonder what Connor's definition of honesty is.

This could be his secret girlfriend. His wife. His ex-girlfriend. His ex-wife. Or maybe none of the above, for all I know.

But I don't know.

Nope. I guess I don't really know Connor at all.

And he hasn't even been paying child support? So...he's not just a dad, but he's a deadbeat.

The punchline just never ends.

Funny.

"Hey!" An aggressive hand snaps in front of my face, "You slow or somethin'?"

I snap out of my haze and catch Briella pushing Jersey Blonde's hand away, "Connor's not here, so leave."

Briella closes the door, Jersey Blonde's voice ringing out the whole time until the lock clicks back into place, "You tell him I was here and that I'm done cutting him so much sla—," Briella turns back and presses herself against the closed door, watching me with a blank expression that reminds me of Harry.

She bites her lip. "So...that was Jamie. Connor's...well, they were never really together, but..." Briella purses her lips together and nods softly, drifting off in her own thoughts as I drown in mine.

Cool.

"I'm gonna go to bed now." I say.

"Wh—uh, wait...you're good?"

I'm lovely.

"Tired." I smile curtly.

"Right."

"Yeah."

I'm back under the covers, the tension in the living room suffocating as the girls watch me carefully out of the corners of their eyes like I can't feel their stares. They might as well just stare unabashedly; it's all the same.