Ecstasy, Misery

20 | what the fuck is that?*

well, i lie and I'm easy

all of the time but i'm never sure why i need you

song 2 - blur (1997)

June 7th, 1998

"Now?" Harry drawls out from his spot on the bed, lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling.

I spin back and forth on his desk chair, slouched back and staring up at the ceiling just like he is, as we wait for the alcohol to sink in enough to do this again.

I can't believe how calm I was about it all last night, but I guess that was after, like, five shots and two drinks and I do not want to get hammered like that again tonight.

I just need a nice buzz to stop the incessant overthinking about this possibly bad decision; Harry doesn't seem to be much of an over thinker or care about bad decisions, so I'm not sure what he needs his buzz for.

We've each taken about three shots worth from his bottle of Hennessy, passing it back and forth until our eyes become unfocused and our minds cloudy enough.

"Mm...no." I answer, trying my best to keep the smirk off my face as he asks if I'm ready for the third time now in the last two minutes.

The truth is, I'm more than ready, but I'm just waiting to see if I can get him on the border of begging like he was last night; it was annoying at the time, but seeing how cool and calm and suave he's being tonight, acting like I don't know what he's really like, acting like I didn't see him fall apart in anticipation for me last night is kind of rubbing me the wrong way.

He wants to act like he's level-headed and in control, when that's so obviously not the case, which makes it clear to me that he must be embarrassed about how things went down in my bedroom and I guess I'm a terrible person, because I want to see him relapse, so from now on he can't pretend anymore; so from now on he won't try to act like he's not dying for my touch.

I want that power trip again.

"Now?"

I can't keep the smallest smile off my face at Harry's impatience as I stand up and make my way to his bed; he bolts upright as soon as my ass is off the chair and then seems to catch his hasty movement, taking more time in scooting back against the headboard and crossing his legs pretzel style like last night.

I sit on the bed and am in the middle of mirroring his position when his hands are suddenly on my waist, trying to pull me on top of him.

I pause and put some resistance against his hold, making him look at me confused and slightly annoyed.

I look back at him, wondering what he's doing. We haven't even talked about what we're gonna do; what tonight's 'lesson' is gonna be.

He looks down at his lap and then back up at me, indicating that he wants me on his lap again.

I pull back out of his hands, which he lets me do with ease, but a hint of a pout is on his lips and behind his eyes when I sit pretzel style in front of him.

"We're doing this so I can learn, right?" I ask.

He looks at me, sighing out as he lets his body relax against the head board. "Yes."

"So, what do you think I should work on tonight?"

Harry squints up at the ceiling with pursed lips, thinking over his answer. "I think you should work on actually making me cum before someone decides to cock block me again."