Poisoned Rosey

Chapter 18: ROSEY

Silence.

But it was a silence that pierced my heart because the truth hang heavy in the air between us.

There was a small chance that he was even breathing and a very large number that he might be dead.

A stabbing pain clutched my heart with its bloody claws at the mere thought of my brother dead.

If he was, then I am all alone in this world.

I'm unsure if my wolf would even make it and that already hurts me, but my little, innocent brother killed or even tortured, made me infuriated but also numbed me.

It scared me senseless.

It was a frustrating pain and anger, as I had no clue how to handle it and what to do to stop it.

Not only that, but I'm struggling to feel one at a time--all of them overwhelming me as they struck my system with a determination.

But even as they push tears to prick my eyes, the thought of Master seeing them didn't sit well with me.

I'm struggling deeply, but I won't give up my dignity as well in the process. I am stronger than that.

Still, the anger was taunting my buttons.

The self-blaming adding fuel to its burning flame.

If I just didn't go, if I just stood put and stayed home with Jimmy I could've saved and probably taken care of him when my village was attacked.

He could've been saved. Healthy. Happy.

I grit my teeth, my vision blurring when my determination to hold them back was heartbrokenly replaced with the freedom to let it go.

I bit my lip, hard and stared down at the sketch I'm close to finishing.

The picture was a blurry mess with the heating tears threatening to drop, but my heart wanted the comfort to stare into his eyes and know he was safe.

But I could never know.

An overwhelming stubborn force pushed emotions to their surface, my heart aching and crying when I didn't allow the tears to fall.

I swallow stubbornly, trying to gulp down the pushing force that threatens those ugly sobs to appear.

The bathroom.

I could reach it before I break. Yeah, that could work.

Shakily pushing the drawing pad aside and dropping my legs off the sill, I clutch onto the sill's edge and swallow gulps of tremblings breathes to calm myself down.

My body felt particularly heavy at the moment when I needed to hurry to the bathroom to calm myself down. Or to release.

I don't know, the tears and urging sobs were overwhelming me.

My legs felt unbalanced and shaky, while my throat felt choked up with sobs, and my eyes not threatening but releasing.

I was hurting. Hurting with great anger, frustration, and sadness.

And the thing is, this isn't my first breakdown but at this mere moment of utter despair and a feeling of loss, it seemed to attack my body a lot worse than it did before.

I reach out for the doorknob and that exact moment when I thought I could just burst in and pour my heart out, was the moment frostbite engulfed my wrist and shocked my heart to beat with fright.

I widen my eyes when he pulled me back and turned me around to pin me down with his icy eyes.

I shrunk back, my teeth biting my inner lip to prevent the sobs that were so close to breaking through.