Understanding

3 months later

It's been 3 months since I left the hospital and we flew home to New York. I was healed in the sense of my bones and organs where working the way they were meant to be. But mentally there was no healing. I had lost my baby girl, she would have been so big by now.
I spend most of my time in my room, in bed not saying much. Seb has taken some time off to look after me but I don't want anyone near me.
I don't know how to deal with this and people keep telling me it will get better but it won't. My uncle rings everyday to check on me but I don't speak to him. Chris tries too but I'm just not interested.
"Ellie? Baby you need to eat something?"
Seb has been bringing me plates of food and I pick but I'm not up to eating a full meal.
"Ellie please"
I get up and push past him, I make my way to the kitchen and see flowers on the counter, people sending there condolences. I pick up the vase and throw it against the wall. Seb comes running out
"What the hell ellie?"
"I don't want peoples sorrys"
"They are just trying to be nice"
"I don't care. I lost my baby!!!"
"OUR BABY!!!!! ELLIE OUR BABY!!!!"
"No Seb you didn't loose her, she was inside me, you weren't a dad yet!" I regret the words as soon as they come out of my mouth.
"How dare you! I was a dad the minute you told me you were pregnant. I saw her growing everyday. I have sat and cried everyday at the loss of her! Don't you dare tell me I wasn't a dad! I know your hurting and I know your in pain, but you can't keep doing this. I can't keep doing this ellie. I love you but you need help"
"Fine you don't want to do this anymore then leave. Go! I don't need you! Run away like you always do!"
He looks at me and I can tell he is so hurt, but for some reason at this point in time I just can't bring my self to apologise. I know I'm in the wrong and I know I'm hurting him but I just stand there.
He walks towards the door and opens it, he takes one last look at me "I love you ellie I always will" and he walks out.
I fall to the ground, I scream out in anger and pain and sadness. I can't take this anymore! My life was going to be perfect and now it's ruined.
They still hadn't caught the person responsible and I was loosing hope they ever would. I don't know how long I'm on the floor before I fall asleep. I just can't care anymore.

2 days later

Seb POV

It's been 2 days since ellie kicked me out. I know I shouldn't have left but I just needed to breath and I needed to grieve without being made to feel guilty about it.
I'm walking back up to the house and I'm ready for another fight. If she needs to scream and shout at me then that's okay. I'm not leaving her.
I open the door and shout for her "Ellie?"
I walk In and look into the kitchen, I see her on the floor. I rush over "Ellie?"
She isn't responding to me, I check her pulse she is still breathing. I cradle her in my arms and call an ambulance. I can't loose her too.
The ambulance comes and takes her to hospital, the doctor take over and check her. They tell me she is dehydrated and exhausted. They prescribe her some anti depressants and tell me she needs to talk to someone. I sit by her bed and wait for her to wake up. I've called Downey and chris and let them know. They ask me to keep them updated.
After about 2 hours she starts to wake up.
"Ellie?"
"Seb?"
"Yeah baby I'm here"
"Where am I?"
"Your in hospital. I found you on the floor in the kitchen. You weren't responding to me. I thought I'd lost you" I can't help but cry, she looks down at me and cradles my head.
"I'm so sorry baby"
I look up and she pulls my face to hers and kisses me softly. This is the first time she has kissed me since the accident.
"I'm sorry for everything I said. I didn't mean it. I just don't know how to get through this seb."
"We are going to get through it together okay? I'm not leaving you. I love you"
"I love you too"
I get into bed with her and hold her, with both cry. It's the first time we have really grieved together. I'm just hoping I'm stronger enough to get her through this. I love her so much and I don't want to loose her.