Among Us Logic Shit

A Serious Discussion on my Mental Health

I know what y'all are thinking probably. That this guy pulls this same bullshit every few months or so only to be ok the next day.

This time, I'll get more into the nitty gritty on what's going on with my life.

I don't mean to vent on a public platform, I just need to speak my mind, and since I'm not close enough to anyone to vent about this shit, I guess I'll just do it here.  Also, there will probably be a lot of self deprecation here; just warning you guys in advance.

Ok, so to start off, I'm tired of being ignored by everyone around me. I know I could just, like, try to start a conversation with someone, but my anxiety always finds a way to hold me back. Even when I do start a conversation with literally anyone, though, I just get ignored. For this reason, I despise group chats, because I feel like I can never get a word in, especially with people who I barely know and probably wouldn't be able to socialize with in real life.

I try to push back these feelings with humor and keeping my content generally light hearted. Lately, however, I haven't been able to find much motivation or inspiration to write anything. I want to be able to make content for you guys and to make you guys smile, but it's been increasingly harder to keep my act up. The truth is that I'm not a happy person at all, and I'm not all that nice or pleasant to be around, either.

Another thing I'd like to touch on in terms of mental health is my lonliness. Because of social anxiety and shit, it's significantly harder for me to talk to people, even though I'd like to.  I also feel like I unintentionally push people away by just avoiding conversation just because I was too anxious to try and talk to them.  I want to form close relationships with people, but it's too damn hard for me to even try to talk to someone.  God, I'm such a fucking coward.

Also, my content is probably among the shittiest AUL content that exists.  I look at other peoples' works, and I'm like, "God, I wish I could draw and/or write like that!"  Y'all are fucking talented, while I'm just the fucking potato in the corner who sucks at everything he does.  I know that I'm not good enough, and that everything I do or create will never be good enough.

There's a small amount of things in my life that are keeping me from ending it all.  If it weren't for those things, I'd probably be dead right now.  This fandom and AUL in general are some of those things that are keeping me alive today.  Thank you, guys, for being such great people, even when I'm a total scumbag.  You guys have been so kind to everyone around you, and I appreciate everything you guys have to offer.  I've never been in a fandom I felt so comfortable in, and where I could mostly be myself in until I joined this one.  You guys are the fucking best, and I mean that.

I guess I'll update this whenever my mental health is less shitty.  See you guys whenever that is.

Also I'll probably still be looking at your guys' content, I just won't be uploading my own while my mental health is down.