Dreaming /#FebruaryJamFestival/

2. The View From The Top

Jin stared out of the window, her mind floating anywhere it wanted without her paying particular attention to where it landed. The building was always so quiet at midnight. Even when the hospital was full, silence fell over the facility between midnight and two in the morning.

"Ms. Lancaster," the timid voice of one of the night nurses broke through her meditation.

"Hmm?" Jin turned to the young nurse. She had a student tag under her name badge with Becky printed in bold letters on the top.

"Do you feel alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine, Becky." Jin contemplated telling this young nurse how un-fine she was. Everything she had strived for, every dream she had dared to have, gone because of a damn virus. Jin didn't even remember being sick, but then again, she would have run anyway. No matter how her body felt, Jin never skipped training.

"Oh," Becky shifted her feet uncomfortably and took a deep breath. Jin smiled a little. Her reputation in this hospital must be pretty bad if this little girl felt so nervous. 'Little girl' was wrong, they were probably around the same age, and she wasn't much shorter than Jin. But Becky had the air of naive optimism that Jin always associated with the young. No adult could be so innocent.

Jin contemplated Becky for a moment. The girl had light brown hair and brown eyes, but her skin was fair. Her look was vague enough that Jin wasn't sure of her ethnicity. Her eyes were big and seemed to get bigger as they stood there. As many young nurses did, Becky had chosen to cut her hair instead of pulling it back. Her hair was cropped close to her chin, and a headband kept it out of her face. Jin thought she might have been pretty with some make-up. Becky clenched her hands then took a deep breath.

"Is something wrong, Becky?" Jin prompted. Becky must have picked up on the tone change, and her shoulders relaxed. Tired of being the cranky patient in 403, Jin had removed some edges from her voice and sounded almost gentle to her ears.,

"Your monitor is alarming," Becky explained. Before that, Jin hadn't noticed the dull ache in her chest. There was always some pain, or it seemed that way, but this was worse.

"What is my heart doing?"

"About 160," a new voice broke through, and Jin smiled. the nurse had called Dr. Singh. "Becky, go get a wheelchair for Ms. Lancaster so we can get her back to her room." Jin wanted to protest. She could walk, but when she tried to stand up from the window seat she had been resting at, her body began to rebel.

"OH," Jin let out a gasp as her heart began to thud in her chest and her head became light.

"Jin, sit down and be good," Dr. Singh rushed to her side and put an arm under her elbow to help her sit. "I don't think we are going to be able to avoid the ICU this time."

"Bhag, do I ever get to avoid the ICU when I come in?" Bitterness crept into her voice again. She had spent the last three years of her life wandering the hospital. Sometimes, she wished her heart would just give up.

"Well, there is always hope." Bhagat Singh sat next to her and waited for Becky to return with a wheelchair. "Try some breathing. If you start going much faster,, your box will shock you." He was right. Jin put her hand on the metal machine under her skin above her left breast. Bhagat began taking deep breaths, and Jin naturally fell into his rhythm. How many nights had they sat together trying to control her heart rate this way? The first night he arrived from training to start working here, Bhagat had sought her out. Jin had never asked why he came to find her; she had assumed it was because he was a fan. But Dr. Bhagat Singh was the only one who didn't treat her like a fragile doll. He coaxed and cajoled but was stern.

"Dr. Singh," Becky's voice sounded more worried now, prompting Jin to open her eyes. Leo, The ICU rounder, arrived and stood behind Becky, frowning. Jin was going to move rooms tonight. Bhagat nodded and let Becky and Leo move Jin into the chair.