Learning to Cope

Ch2 Page 9

August:

Oh my god. Why do they have to be rich? Why do they have to be so nice? I'm fighting so hard not to cry. There are so many presents for me, what did I do to deserve them? They hardly know me. "Do you wanna go back to my room for a bit?" Andrew whispers. I can't do anything but nod. If I talk, I'm gonna start sobbing.

I'm pathetic, most people get excited over receiving gifts and feeling loved. I bought gifts for everyone but I can't give them out now. They probably spent the equivalent of 3 months' rent on all those gifts. If I open them and accept them, I can't take them home? Five flights of stairs? No. and even if there was an elevator, my neighbors would rob me. Someone already broke in when I got an air fryer for free.

When we get back to his room he turns around and hugs me. "How are you feeling?" He asks, still in a whisper. I didn't realize how tall he actually is. His head comes to the bottom of my chin, his hair is tickling my neck. He smells like snickerdoodle cookies. I hesitate but I wrap my arms around him. "I-I've been better, I'm s-sorry I ruined this." I'm trying not to cry. I'm a grown man and I'm crying over gifts. Ugh. gross.

"You didn't ruin anything, it was overwhelming, I get it." He pulls away and smiles at me "we can hang out here until it's time for pictures if you'd like." "No, just give me a minute to settle down, I don't want to disappoint your parents." I wipe my eyes and pull out my phone. I have a missed call?

One missed call from my mother 15 minutes ago. Oh god, I don't need this right now. Absolutely. Fucking. Not. "Are you okay?" Andrew asks and puts his hand on my shoulder. "I- I need to make a phone call." I've gone from anxious and scared to wanting to kill someone. "I'm gonna go grab a few things, take your time." Andrew excuses himself and steps out.

I press redial as soon as he's out of the room. "Hello?" there it is, that fucking voice. The voice of the woman who never gave a shit about me. "Why did you call me?" My voice is harsh. "I wanted to talk to my son on Christmas, is that a crime?" Her voice is cold and measured, she always talks to me this way. "No, but it might make me commit a crime. You never celebrated Christmas with me anyway, why do you suddenly care now?" I shout. Shit. I should keep it down, I don't want Andrew to hear me.

"I heard you're spending your holidays with the Clayton family." How did she know that? Why does she know that? "That's your concern, because?" "You need to leave. They don't want you there." The audacity this woman has is remarkable. " They don't want me here? Or You don't want me here? Would you prefer I stay in my shit hole apartment until I eventually give up?" I snap. "We pay for that 'shit hole' and we can stop at any time." My parents pay a portion of my rent because I wouldn't be able to survive otherwise. Even then, they pay just enough for me to be able to have the essentials. "Jesus Christ! You really just don't want kids do you? At this rate, ALL of your children will be dead. Go fuck yourself."