Emotional dumpster

Im scared for u again

Im so scared for my friends. We're all having important exams and we're all stressed but some feel it more than others.

My friends feel it more than others

Im scared for them. Worried for their mental health. I dont want to think about anything. I dont want them to be going through the lows as well. I dont know how to help. I dont feel like me being there for them is enough. I feel so helpless. I dont want to give any advice anymore bcs im scared i will give the wrong one. I used to be the therapist friend but i cant anymore. I dint want to tell them the wrong thing. I cant help them when i cant help myself. I want to tell them ive been through something similar a few years ago but what if im wrong? What if what i went through wasnt similar? What if i misunderstood everything? What if i make it worse?

I dont want to tell people how i feel about anything because im worried of the possibility they might worry the same as i do or worse. I dont like myself. Not at the moment. I hate every feeling i feel. I feel undeserving of happiness. I feel my sadness is simply overreacting. My 'resting' from study is an excuse of laziness. When i feel happy, i truly do. And proceed to feel guilty afterwards. Because i did nothing to deserve any of this.

My friends dont deserve their sadness. They work harder than me in anything. They are good people. Theyre honest. Im not. I lie. About many things. I lie because i dont want them to worry. I lie so that i appear better than i am. I lie because one day my lies might become the truth. Fake it till you make it. Thats how i prevented an eating problem/disorder. I didnt tell anyone about that because they might look too deep into it. What if they think i was anorexic? I know i almost became one. But i didnt. What if they worry that i am? I dont want anyone to worry. So i lie