When no one's watching

Chapter 9

Liam's pov:

On Monday morning I decided to walk to school since I was still feeling quite terrible. Maybe I had a few too many shots even if I can't remember Friday night or any events later. But Zayn told me that it went out of hand and they almost sent me to the hospital.
And that's how I was feeling, still hung over. No idea if that was even possible but I must've really drunk too much.

How glad I was that Zayn had been with me. He was helping a lot and I was already looking forward to our movie night today.

As I walked to school I saw Zayn waving at me and I jogged towards him.
"Good morning Z, how are you?"
"I'm fine and you?"
"I'm good, thanks."

I decided to not tell him about me still feeling hung over, he was just gonna worry about nothing.
"And, excited for today?"
"I mean of course for watching movies with you." Zayn smiled at me while saying that. How much I loved that smile on him. That precious, little smile.

"Yeah, it's gonna be fun for sure. You can just already go home to mine or wait here until the training is over."
"Hmm, I think I'm gonna wait for you here."

Then our conversation was interrupted by the bell and we made our way to our first class together.

The morning passed by fast and so did the afternoon. I walked to the sports field but still couldn't see Zayn. Maybe he would come a bit later when training was done.

I quickly changed clothes and made my way onto the turf where my teammates were already warming up.
"Hey Payno!" Brandon, the leader of the group, waved towards me. I just nodded into his direction, I really didn't like his selfish ego.

After the rather short training, we all made our way back to the locker room. I still hadn't seen Zayn, he hadn't been sitting on the bleachers.

I was already changing my shirt as someone nudged my shoulder harshly.
"Huh Payne, didn't have any girl lately, also turned into a fag like your friends?"
I couldn't believe what he had just said and replayed it again in my brain. No, he really had just said that.

How much I just wanted to punch him straight into the face. Firstly for being disrespectful towards my friends and especially for using a slur term for gay people.

"Ohhh so you really are a faggot. For sure because you're now hanging aroung with that Zayn guy. Is that fag your boyfriend or what, huh?"

Anger was boiling inside of my veins as he involved Zayn and called him a fag.
But I knew that I couldn't defend him or otherwise tomorrow the whole school would know that I was gay and would drag Zayn as well. And I couldn't let that happen to him.

"Shut the fuck up Brandon, just because I am friends with Harry and he has a boyfriend doesn't mean I'm also a fag! How can you even think that?!"
After I had said that I immediately regretted it. What had just possessed me?!

"Awh, there we have our little fag!"
As I turned around, the nightmare got even worse as it already was.
Zayn was standing there and he seemed to be shocked by what I had said.
A second later he was running away, just like the day before. And again because of me, just that this time it was way worse.
I had called him a fag.
A fucking fag.
And I had insulted Harry and Louis as well.

"Well at least you're not one of those, Payne!"
I turned around already clenching my fists. "You better shut up right there or I'll punch you in the face so hard that you'll never forget it."

And then I ran out of the locker room. I ran straight across the football field and towards the parking lot.
But as I arrived I could just see Zayn's car driving away fast.

And the worst thing was that I couldn't even follow him since I still had got my stuff in the locker room and didn't even have my car here today.

After getting my stuff and walking home, I finally arrived. With jittery fingers I opened the door and finally, I could let go of all the emotions bottled up inside of me.

How could I ever say something like that?
Not Harry or Louis and especially not Zayn would ever forgive me for that.
How hurt Zayn had looked, it was heartbreaking.
And what was he thinking of me now, that I was a homophobic idiot who deserved to burn in hell.
Well, with the homophobic part he was wrong, the rest was definitely correct.

Zayn's pov:

"Shut the fuck up Brandon, just because I am friends with Harry and he has a boyfriend doesn't mean I'm also a fag! How can you even think that?!"

As I heard that and heard it coming from Liam, I was just in shock at first. I stood there in the door of the room and stared at Liam.
Then, one of those idiots said something to me but I didn't even hear it anymore, I was already running across the field.

I arrived in my car when I started shaking slightly but I had to control myself, at least until I was home.
I was driving out of the school's parking lot as I saw someone running towards me. Because of the tears welling in my eyes I couldn't even see who it was but I also didn't care.
Liam had said his real opinion and
showed what he thought about "fags", about people like me.

After I had arrived home I immediately ran up the stairs into my room, ignoring the calls of my mom to come back.
I locked the door and crashed down behind it.

A minute later my mom was knocking on the door, asking me to open and tell her what's wrong.
But I just ignored her and after a few minutes she gave up and returned downstairs.

I was crying until I wasn't able to breath anymore.

Somehow I was feeling so betrayed by Liam.
But why? What did I even expect?
He was the popular guy who was making out with every girl he found so why would he ever support gay people?
Of course he was homophobic, what else!
Why did I ever trust him? Why did I ever think that he was different?
And why the hell did I fall for him?

Liam's pov:

After a few hours of just regretting all my life decisions I finally found the courage to call Zayn.
I really had to apologize or things would get even worse.

It was already the 4th time I was calling now but I wouldn't stop until I could apologize to him.
The 5th time it rang multiple times again and just as I wanted to give up, he picked up.
He said nothing at first so I just started, knowing that he was listening.
"Listen Zayn, I'm sorry for what you had to hear earlier, I really didn't mean to insult anyone, you have to believe me. It's just-"
I couldn't continue because he interrupted me.

"Look Liam, I don't fucking care what you support or what you don't, just that I definitely won't support your behavior. Don't even try to defend yourself because I don't wanna fucking hear it. I was just so wrong about you since the beginning."

And that was it, he ended the call and there was only that beeping sound audible.
Zayn had been clearly mad but his voice was showing something different.
He sounded like he had cried for hours, his voice seemed shaky and hoarse and he seemed like he was going to break down crying any second.

I knew that my behavior was anything else than correct but why did it affect him that much?
Shouldn't he just be mad at me?

Of course there had been rumors that he was gay but I didn't believe it because people always made up stories just for their own entertainment.

No matter what Zayn's sexuality was, I had fucked up completely and I had to fix it because I definitely couldn't lose him.
But I'd do that tomorrow, I was just too exhausted now and I had to give him time.