Death Or Paradise

oh boy, you left me speechless.

Shuri had finally declared you stable after you promised her to tell her about your reign of terror on Wakanda centuries ago later. She checked on Druig, agreeing with Phastos's assessment before they all left you alone with Druig's unconscious form. And Thena. The warrior had not gotten up from her seat once. You knew she was waiting to speak to you in private.

"Say what you want to say," you sighed, pulling your knees up to your chest.

"I did not say anything," she said.

"No, but I can feel the silent judgment from over here so let's have at it," you told her.

She raised an eyebrow at you. "Very well," she said. "You lost control today. In a way we have not seen you lose control in centuries. Hiding away from the reason will not change what happened."

"I'm not hiding from anything," you said.

"You are," she said simply and left it at that. "When is the last time you used the Chaos?"

You thought about it. "Camelot maybe," you said. "I haven't needed it much since Morgana."

"You have no control of it anymore, nor do you have control of your emotions," she said. "That is not a good combination."

"I know, Thena," you sighed as you looked over at Druig. Your mind was in chaos, even now just as your heart was at war with itself. It was all too much. "I know, but I can't help it. Seeing him again, I don't know. Even when he left, even when I knew we would never have what we had again, even when I knew I should hate him, I loved him. But I care for Steve too. I just—my heart is in conflict and I don't know how to fix it."

She sighed and shook her head. "From your performance today, I do not think your heart is in conflict as much as you think, but your mind is. Remember what I taught you. Your mind must be in control." She looked at you sadly, and you knew she was thinking of her Mahd Wy'ry, when she lost all control of her mind. You knew more than anyone that Thena understood what you were going through. The chaos in your mind was all consuming.

She stood up and looked at you. "You know why you lost control, and you know it will happen again if you do not confront the chaos in your mind. You told me once you promised him you would use it if only to keep it under control."

"We both made promises we couldn't keep," you said quietly.

"Perhaps, but the breaking of only one of your promises has the ability to end it all permanently," she said quietly before she left you alone to mull over her words.

Was she right? Had your heart already decided? You weren't sure. It was so broken, and still in repair. And you knew part of the repairs had been done by Steve. You weren't sure about that part, but you knew she was right about the Chaos magic. You had promised him long ago, when you lost control before, that you wouldn't lock it away, that you would learn to control it again. And you had broken that promise. He had broken his promise not to control you, but while that had ended your world, the rest of the world turned on. Your promise, however, had the ability to damage many more people, not just you.

You sighed and looked over at Druig's form. You stood and walked over to him. His face was bruised again, as he had been in your uni-mind during the Emergence. But he still looked so peaceful, as if he were just sleeping. You reached your hand out to put his hair out of his face, keeping your hand on his forehead.

Your eyes glowed gold as you entered his mind, wanting to see if you could see him again. When you had last tried, on the battlefield, you had been met with darkness. That was what had convinced you he was dead, what had driven your universe to darkness as well.