Never Again

31

Larry's POV:

Why couldn't I just admit to Laurent that everything I had told him was true.

I have always wanted him.

If there was a way for us to be together and no one would be able come between us I would do it in a heart beat.

Laurent is my forever.

That is one thing I have never hid from him, yes I would be stupid and say he wasn't as important to me as the rest of our family is, but that is a lie.

I love Laurent with ever beat of my heart.

After our talk I know we didn't go as deep as we should have, but I just couldn't tell him everything.

I couldn't tell him that I wish I never ended things between us.

I couldn't tell him that every time I smiled it was because of our happy memories, and not because of anything else.

I couldn't tell him that the distance between us is killing my more and more everyday. Breaking a piece off of my heart.

Believe me I wanted to tell him everything, but I knew I couldn't.

I didn't want Laurent to feel any less important to me than he already feels. I love my brother more than anyone else in this world and when he questions me if I even love him it kills me.

Sighing I left our room when he walked into the bathroom. I feel his pain rolling off of him and it was suffocating. I know I'm the main reason for his pain.

I also know that his over thinking is also part of his pain.

Laurent never thinks he is good enough for anyone. But he is more than enough.

I've watched girls chose him many many times. But if he ignored them which he did most of time especially back when we were together they would try and get with me and I knew that hurt him more than he would admit. Of course when we were happily together I never went with the girls who couldn't decide which brother they actually wanted.

Unfortunately not using my better judgement at the time when we were fighting I would choose one that decided that because Laurent wasn't interested I might be, mainly just to pi$$ him off. I wanted to watch him fight for us but he would just shrug his shoulders and leave, leaving me with one of our girlfits.

When we were fighting and Laurent was with a girlfit I would get pi$$ed and stake my claim on Laurent and chase the girl off, but Laurent would never do the same he just walked away.

Was I not as important to him as I thought?

Yea I know what your thinking why would I go with one of the girls if I knew it would hurt Laurent? Well to answer that it was because I wanted him to stake his claim on me. He only ever staked his claim on me behind closed doors or in the bedroom. Never in public. Yes he would hug me, or even kiss me (not on the mouth) openly in public, but he had never fought for me in front of others or chase someone away like I had him.

I feel frustrated and anxious about Laurent and I's relationship. Yes we will always be brothers and have that bond as twins, but every since I broke up with him our energy has been off even if we recharge each other it's still off. I can't quite explain it.

I feel lost and hopeless every time I think of really truly losing Laurent maybe that's why our energy is off.

Hearing heavy footsteps I looked up towards the stairs and watched my other half walking heavily down the stairs looking as lost as I currently feel.

What is wrong with him?

'Laurent what's wrong'? I heard our mami ask him. He just shrugged his shoulders not answering her, sitting as far away from me as possible as mami gave us our breakfast sitting down next to Laurent. We ate in complete and uncomfortable silence, which is something that never happens no matter what meal we were eating.

'What's wrong'? Mami asked causing both Laurent and I to look up from our empty plates. Neither one of saying anything.

How do you tell your mami that you broke the heart of your love because of fear someone would find out about your forbidden relationship.

How do you tell your mami that you hurt her son?

I sighed and got up from the table picking up my plate and placed it in the sink and decided to answer my mami.

'Nothing mami'. I said and walked out of the kitchen grabbing my car keys and was planning on leaving for a few hours to clear my heart and my head. But stopped as soon as Laurent spoke the words I was afraid to say.

'Nothing really mama'. 'Both Larry and I had gone through a horrific break up with our hearts, I mean with our girls and we are not exactly taking it well'. Laurent said. I knew when he spoke he was talking about us not our exes but because no one knew of our real relationship he mentioned the girls we were with.

I heard our mami sighing and before I heard her say anything else I left.

Laurent had always called me his heart and I had always called him my soul, even around others and they only ever thought it was because we are twins. I even mentioned it once that we were like a married couple again what others thought I was referring to was us being twins. But in reality it was because we truly were once like a married couple always together, protecting one another and fighting at times.

Even Laurent does not believe me, he is forever my soul. I sighed sitting in my car I had yet to start just thinking.

I really should have told Laurent everything I have been wanting to tell him when we had our not so long talk, talk. I should have just broke down and told him everything, but instead like always I kept it simple and vague.

I heard my car door slam shut bringing me out of my thoughts, I already knew who it was so I ignored him.

'Look Larry this is getting old and it needs to stop'. 'We really need to talk but I think it would be best for us to talk at home'. 'So how about after our short tour we go home alone and get this truly done and over with'? 'It's not just affecting us, but also those around us'. Laurent rushed out.

'I agree'. 'After the tour we should go home and talk about everything, because truly this distance between us is so draining'. I told him without even realizing it until it was to late. (Sh*t)

'Okay Larry'. Laurent said getting out the car and heading back inside the house. I just sat in my car not sure if I was still plan on leaving or go back inside.