Blindsided

Part 30

Bailey

It's our last day as a team. For the seniors, that is. We've just filed through the doors of the pool for the last time, smelt our last taste of unfamiliar chlorine. Listen to announcers announce for the last time. Given Melanie her last punnet of competition strawberries. 

It's all so surreal.

I get it now, why Melanie was so scared of letting it all go. I'd give anything to do this forever. To have nothing change. To live in this moment, like it's groundhog day. 

But, I guess there must be a reason for why all the good things end. For people to grow up and evolve, I'd think. So you don't feel like you're on the same circuit of events, day after day, year after year. 

It doesn't make it any easier, though. 

This year has really set my mind into a spin. A scary free-for-all of new emotion, twisting into one, final fate. A fate that can either be believed or denied entry, all resting on Melanie. All resting on whether she believes in the forces pulling us together from far above. 

That's probably the most terrifying thing that's happening this year, falling for Melanie Flores. In years just passed, when our status was widely known as nothing more than rivals, I of course saw her as physically beautiful, but it's the other stuff that's made me fall for her. The thoughts inside of her head that she feels safe enough to share with me. The memories that we've created, to fit the two of us uniquely so. The way that the touch of her hand sets my entire body alight, rushing warm blood through all of my functioning organs.

A few years ago I'd read one of my mums trashy women's magazines, that said it's hard to pinpoint exactly when one falls in love. How falling for someone is more of an accumulation of moments, all folded into one emotion, rather than one massive event, like, the big bang for instance. It's apparently impossible to know exactly when you fall, because falling is different for every person, in regard to themselves and the person they're falling for. I've been told that it sneaks up on people, slowly at first, before the realization finally hits them, right in the deepest part of their soul. Their heart will start pounding through their chest, and the when and the how won't matter, only the now. 

Good thing it was a trashy magazine, chocked full of absolute nonsense. 

I remember exactly when I started to fall for her. When I started to realize I might like her, more than just a frenemy. When I wanted to start doing good to her without reason. When I started wanting to fix my reputation, just for her. It wasn't some Disney movie, coming of age teen movie realization either. 

It first started when she met Lucinda for the first time. How her perception of me was so different from how I saw myself, how twisted it seemed. 

It was only made worse when I actually started dating Lucinda, when it was Melanie I loved, even if I hadn't admitted it to myself. I was a terrible boyfriend to her, putting my own needs before hers. Although, I'm glad we both decided to split at the same time, so she can find someone that actually deserves her. 

It finally hit the brunt of things when she came back from winter break. She'd been so upset at the end of the year after everything went down with the disgusting phenomenon which is Green, rightfully so, but seeing her back, and looking freer than ever struck a chord with me. Seeing her happy made me happy, for reasons I couldn't explain at the time. Something had changed between us during that break, and I knew it the second I'd seen her. I knew just from how frequently I thought about her, how often she wandered into my thoughts. How I'd feel accomplished every time I pulled a little smile out of her, even when she was feeling at a loss. How I started to feel like that if I lost her, I'd loose myself too.