Clutch of Affliction

Chapter 1

As we should want everything to go according to our plan, we always ended up doing the plan we didn't expect. That's the plan I hadn't considered since childhood: To live. However, seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years had passed... I was still caged. Cage on my own life. On my own family and my expectations. I was expecting more. But I failed to hold onto it. I failed myself.

Each day, we go down a path we thought was safe. We thought it could lead us to a more excellent place ahead of that path. Something we could all look forward to. Are we assuming that way? Or we are holding onto the hope that it is worth it - worth the decisions and expectations we do not want to fail. It's hard to expect, indeed. Expectations of the things we are looking forward to - they look forward... My surroundings. My family.

How could I refuse my own family? Own blood. They say. The funny thing is, I couldn't even think of my future. But why have they already planned for it? Who will live? Is it me? Or them? What can I do to stop them? Or... will they stop?

"Tijana," Lola Josefina called my name. I immediately looked in her direction.

We are here at the dining table, having our lunch. I'm just having a light lunch because of what they said. They want me to be petite. I want to be chubby.

"Yes, Lola?" I asked, smiling gently. That's what they want.

She smiled at me and wiped her side lips with a cloth. "Tomorrow, we'll have guests who want to visit our farm. Dress properly. And of course, act decently."

I just smiled and nodded my head to her. Another day of being well-disciplined. Acting like a decent woman. I'm just a kid, though.

I looked at my Mommy and Daddy, but when I met their eyes, they looked away immediately. Just like me, they are controlled by my family. Should I say, family name? Yes, it's the number one reason why we are expecting more because of our family name. Cruz. Kilalang pamilya sa bayan ng Bicol. Hindi lang sa Bicol. Sa buong bansa, actually. Bukod sa negosyo ng pamilya, kilala ang mga Cruz pagdating sa politiko. My Daddy is the Governor of Albay. It's our family's legacy. It was thrown to my Dad after my grandfather - which was also got by his late father.

Our family was highly respected. Amazing! Does it sound sarcastic? It is, though. I'm the firstborn of Matilda Cheska and Eduard Lito Cruz. The first daughter. Which will make me the next Governor of Albay. Great! I already have a future! Every first-born member of our family will be running and will be the next Governor. Which made my father the 'Governor'. That's the reason why they are training me. To be decent, disciplined, well-mannered, and 'PERFECT'.

Ang laki na agad ng nakapatong sa balikat ko, ang bata-bata ko pa. I'm just a thirteen-year-old kid! Bakit ba ako ang unang anak? Pwede naman si Lira na lang! Tutal ay maldita naman iyon sa akin! Lira is my ten-year-old sister. We are a total of three siblings. The other one is Liam, who's a seven-year-old. The most quiet one.

"Ms. Liza, it's time for your bath." Our maid said. We're here in my room and it's so bright. Another day, another pretending.

It's good to see bright lights that shine on my face every morning. It's like telling me that it will be okay and will be there to watch me. I love the sun. Sunrises, sunsets, everything that the sun makes.

"Ate Tijana, why are you always quiet? Hindi naman ikaw ganiyan dati," parang nagtatampong sabi ni Linus sa akin. Sa aming magkakapatid, mas kasundo ko si Linus. Noon. Madaldal si Linus pagdating sa akin. At gustong-gusto ko iyon.

"Nothing. Let's go downstairs, Linus." Marahan kong saad at hinawakan ang kamay niya. Our hands are tiny because we're still kids.

"Where's Lira, Ate?" Linus asked, looking at me.