Clutch of Affliction

Chapter 13

If I just didn't break my boundaries, maybe it didn't happen. If I just didn't wish for freedom, maybe it became a different path I am taking. Maybe I'll be less guilty.

Only by not crossing the line I made by myself, it will not hurt anyone. But I already did. The boundaries I made were already crossed. The comfort zone I broke was coming back to me to cage me again. The only remedy for what I did was to distance myself. To let them free from me.

I need to cut ties with everyone. To Luke, especially. I am a huge impact on him. Kahit hindi niya sabihin, alam kong naaapektuhan ko siya. At hindi na iyon maganda.

I entered into this relationship for love. The love I thought was genuine and will never disappoint me. However, this relationship became a mess. It was no longer giving me peace. It is making me think of my mistakes. I will not be able to give love to Luke if I am in this state of life.

Love might be powerful, yet it is one of the hardest things to fulfill. Love can also be a weakness. Weakness that will consume the person who's inside the relationship. I can no longer provide it. And it is unfair.

My decision was purely for him. I don't want to ruin Luke. I don't want to make him feel the things he doesn't deserve.

"Let's break up, Luke." Just by words, it made me shiver. I want to take it back.

The decision that I thought I can do, made me want to rethink and take what I said.

The look on his face breaks me. He's hurting.

I'm sorry, Luke... But I need to do this for you.

"Don't say that..." he said, almost crying. "I know you don't mean it."

Seeing him in pain wants me to slap myself. How dare you hurt Luke like this?

"Love naman..." he said. "Bawiin mo sinabi mo, please, love?"

I look him straight in the eye. "I'm afraid I can't take it back, Luke. Let's end this."

He looks down and goes back into my eyes. "We're just okay yesterday, Tix," he walked near me. "You said you love me yesterday, love,"

Nang hihina ang tuhod ko. Parang gusto ko na lang na mawalan ng malay.

"I don't want to make you suffer anymore, Luke," I said. "Look at you, Luke, you are slowly broken."

He shook his head. "No, I am not suffering."

"Yes, you are!" I cannot stop myself from raising my voice. "You are suffering, Luke! Y-you... I heard you crying—"

"No... no..." paulit-ulit niyang iling. "Don't break up with me, love, please,"

I cried. "Please, Luke! Please, please run away from me! I am a monster, Luke! I don't want to ruin you anymore!"

"You are not a monster! You are not ruining me! Please don't say that, don't ever say that to yourself because you will never ruin me and you will never be a monster!"

"But I already am! I am becoming a monster who will ruin you and me! Please! Just please let's end this," I cried. "H-hangga't maaga pa, Luke, palayain na natin ang isa't isa. 'Wag na natin sirain nang tuluyan ang relasyon na 'to."

He just cried with me until he kneeled. "Please, don't do this, love," he sniffed. "I am willing to be ruined, Tix. I will be glad to be ruined if it was you! I am willing to be a monster, too!"

"See? See, Luke? You are willing to do everything to me and it is bad, Luke! It is not good for us! It is not why we started this relationship! Please! Please! I am b-begging you, Luke... Let go of me. D-don't cage yourself because of me. I will never let you do things just because of me!" I screamed, kneeling in front of him.