Clutch of Affliction

Chapter 18

tw: sexual assault

How did this happen? What is he doing here? Why he's here? Why in this certain place, of all places, why here in Nanay Vina's house?

Did he come here for me? But why is he shocked when he saw me a while ago? What will happen now? 

I have so many questions that were coming into my head. I cannot process what is happening. It is all mixing. My emotions, my memories, and everything I did before. My thoughts were coming back from what happened earlier morning. My friends are here, Luke is here, and now Dad's here.

Nanay Vina and Amara were shocked. They couldn't believe anything at all. There is something in Nanay's eyes as if longing and wanting to hug me in her arms tightly.

"Paanong..." Nanay Vina stuttered.

"Si Liza ang panganay kong anak, 'nay," ani Dad.

"Ibig sabihin ay... a-anak niyo siya ni Elize?" naguguluhang tanong ni Nanay.

Tumango si Dad. Ano ba'ng pinag-uusapan nila?

"A-apo ko," ani Nanay na naiiyak na.

Mas lalo akong naguluhan.

"Bakit kayo mag kakilala, 'Nay? Bakit kilala mo ang Daddy?"

Niyakap niya lang ako at umiyak. "Ang apo ko," bulong niya habang tinatapik ang likod ko.

"Dad," tawag pansin ko kay Dad na naka tingin lang sa amin at naiiyak na rin. "Dad, anong sinasabi ni Nanay?"

Tumingin siya sa akin at huminga nang malalim. "Alam kong alam mo na hindi ka anak ni Mathilda," paninimula niya. "A-anak ka namin ni Elize, Liza. Si Elize ang totoo mong Mama. At si Elize ang bunsong anak ni Nanay Vina,"

Sumikip ang dibdib ko. "P-paanong..." naiiyak kong saad. "Nasaan na ang Mama ko? 'Nay, n-nasaan po si Mama?"

Mas lalong naiyak si Nanay at mas lalo niyang hinigpitan ang yakap sa akin.

"W-wala na si Elize, Liza," mahinang ani Dad. "Wala na ang Mama mo,"

"Hindi... hindi ko pa siya nakikita. Hindi ko man lang naramdaman ang mga yakap niya. Bakit wala na ang Mama ko? Bakit..."

"Nawala si Elize nang maipanganak ka na," ani Dad. "Noong niyakap ka niya para makita ay iyon ang huli niyang mga sandali,"

Humagulhol na ako sa sakit. "No..." iling ko. "Ang Mama ko... hindi ko pa siya nakikita! Hindi ko pa siya nayayakap! Hindi ko man lang naramdaman ang init ng yakap niya! B-bakit, Dad?"

"Sorry... I am sorry, Liza," Dad cried. "If only I knew! If only I knew that she can't bare a child, I wouldn't do anything!"

"You wouldn't h-have me, would you?" I asked. "If only you knew you will choose h-her,"

He is shocked as if he wanted to take back what he said.

"That is not what I mean—"

I smiled bitterly. "It's fine, Dad. It's fine," I nod. "If you only explain to me everything before, maybe I'll understand you. I'll try my best to listen to you. If only I knew, maybe I didn't need to catch your attention, your love, and your care."

"Don't think of that, Liza!"

"But it's true! Every time you look at my face when I was a kid, there is something bitter in your eyes! You cannot even look at me with care! You won't even pay attention to me!"

"I am wrong! I made a mistake about that! That is the mistake I made that I wanted to redo!"

"But you already ruined it," I cried. "I am already ruined because of the mistake you've done. They cannot even accept me for who I am,"