Cross School

39 - The Choice

Tyler ran away from everything expecting to lose himself in the busy city, to become a ghost with no past behind him. It was one hell of an overreaction to what had happened in his life, but for a teenager with an identity crisis, Tyler felt like disappearing, for a long, long time. He waded through the crowded Vancouver sidewalks, paying no mind to the people who shoved him aside. He caught a bus with no idea where it would take him. He hoped it would lead him to an answer. It did, but he didn't have to travel far.

Tyler froze as he traversed to the back of the bus. Sitting on the back seat, lonely, waiting for company, was Layla, exactly how he left her, dressed beautifully in black with a saddened, heartbroken portrait.

The bus was empty save for them. He walked to her, she shied away, but he moved forward until he was right in front.

'Can I talk to you?' he asked.

'Go away,' she answered.

'Can I apologize?' he replied.

'Go away,' she answered.

'Please, let me explain,' he said.

'Please, go away,' she answered.

Tyler sat down next to her. She shied away but didn't move. He looked at her pale face, she stared at his. The rode the bus in silence for a long time before Layla got up and headed out. Before she left, she looked back at Tyler.

'Aren't you coming?' she said. Tyler followed like a lost little lamb. He found himself in the suburbs, out front of a nice house with an even nicer lawn. Gnomes guarded the garden, pink flamingos swarmed a water feature. Layla led Tyler down a pebbled pathway through her front door, into an incredibly nice house.

They walked upstairs, to her room covered in Fall Out Boy and Paramore posters, stacks of CD's and movie cases across the floor, a TV with every conceivable video game console plugged in remained restless in the corner, waiting to be used.

'Take off your clothes,' Layla ordered. Tyler complied. She took his male uniform and placed it neatly on her bed. She rummaged through her own drawers and fished out a long-sleeved black shirt, a pink plaid skirt, black knee-high socks and chunky combat boots. She placed them next to Tyler's clothes, along with a variety of makeup between them.

'I'm going downstairs. When I come back up, I want to see that you've made your choice. Are you Tyler, or Taylor? Whomever you choose, I will have no complaints. I want to be with you, no matter the identity. I just want to know that you know who you are first.'

She left without another word. Tyler stared at the two outfits in front of him. He reached for the skirt, its soft fabric reminding him of the first time Alicia dressed him up, god, that seemed like another life. The super pink outfit she had chosen then with the perfectly girly makeup and balance-ruining pumps felt so nostalgic now. It was fun back then, dressing up as the person who would become Taylor. He didn't know her then, but she would come to emerge as the weeks passed.

Tyler still remained underneath the mask. Two identities, fighting for control of one body, and everyone just wanted to know if he had made his choice. Choice. Choice. CHOICE. That goddamned word, perverting itself into every conversation, every thought, why did he have to choose? He had to choose between his parents, choose between which outfit he wore, choose between which person he was? It was maddening, absolutely maddening.

Tyler thought long about which outfit he would put on. Would he remain Tyler, the normal boy he had known his entire life, or Taylor, the emo queen he was excited to get to know? Tyler wanted to run away again. The choice ruined him. But then one simple question entered his mind. In a brief moment of clarity he found his answer. Looking back, it seemed obvious.

Why do I have to choose?

Tyler walked downstairs. Layla smiled when she saw him, the decision he made seemed to be the one she alluded to all along. Tyler wore the shirt in walked in with but put on the pink plaid skirt. He didn't wear the combat boots but accented his trainers with the knee-highs. He put mascara and eyeliner on, but nothing else.

'I'm not running away from my choice,' they said. 'I'm simply not choosing. I like being both Tyler and Taylor. One day I'm sure I'll choose one, but that day is not today. Will you take me back?'

They had chosen, Taylor had chosen. They were different, but familiar. Tyler and Taylor didn't need to be apart, they were one, Taylor was just the name they liked better.

'Will you take me back?' Taylor said.

Layla smiled. 'Of course. I love you no matter who you are. I'm sorry for what I said, I was just shocked, that's all.'

Taylor shook their head. 'No more apologies, I'm happy now, no more about the past. I'm ready to leave any hardships behind. I'm me, and I'm happy with who I've become.'

Taylor returned to school later that day. They visited their sisters, Bella was in full support, Taylor's mother accepting of their choice, and Alicia, the hardest to confront, said nothing and offered a hug. For Taylor, that's all that was needed.