Finally Home

22. Tyler

The drive up to Cleveland was fun. Sam and I sang to a playlist I'd put together. She was fun to be with.

She commented how just two years ago she hadn't known the music we were listening to.  We joked a bit about how I had never thought I'd have a fan become my daughter. But I told her I couldn't be happier. And she said the same.

I asked her if she was happy. I worry sometimes that she's not. I want nothing more than my family to always be happy. Sam said she couldn't be happier and that Jenna and I literally saved her life. She didn't think she'd still be alive if her - if she'd stayed with Stanley. It warmed my heart. She appreciated everything we've done for her and honestly, expects nothing and appreciates what she's given.

We continued singing along to the music as we drove.

We pulled into the hotel just after six. I loaded our bags onto a luggage trolley, only because Sam couldn't carry anything since she was on crutches.

I got us checked in and we headed up to our room. I'd gotten us a suite, so Sam would sleep in the room and I could sleep in the living area.

She seemed impressed by the room and explored it with interest.

"This is a really nice room, Dad," she said, dropping her school bag on the couch.

"Thought you'd like it. Are you hungry?  It's been a while since you ate."

"Yeah. I'm a bit hungry. Can we just eat here in the hotel?"

"Sure. We'll go downstairs to the hotel restaurant."

And so we did. Sam joked about ordering lobster and caviar and champagne. I told her she was stuck with the kids' menu.

She looked at me with side eyes that could kill.

"Fine," she said. "I'll have the macaroni and cheese."

"Sam, I was kidding," I said.

"I know," she said brightening up. "Just playing. I think I'm going to have a burger and fries and a Diet Coke."

"Sounds good enough to eat," I smiled. She rolled her eyes at me.

Throughout dinner we talked about the weekend, the game her team has just played, her gifts and trip at Christmas.

We talked about what she was thinking of studying in college and what she might like to do for a living.

"I wish women's professional basketball was more popular than it is. I'd work towards playing in the WNBA," Sam said.

"It's still an option," I said. "I mean, if you're serious about playing professionally."

"I don't know," Sam said. "I was just sort of thinking. I kind of want to be a social worker, but Marie was so burned out. I kinda also want to be a writer. Maybe a journalist."

"Don't want to be a rockstar like your dad?"

Samantha snorted.

"Sorry Dad. You're really good and really talented. But I'm not anywhere near as talented as you."

"Sam, have you heard yourself sing?"

She shrugged.

"I sing okay. In tune anyway. But I'm not great."

"Sam, you're very talented musically. You don't give yourself enough credit. That said, music isn't for everyone and it's a lot of work."

"I know. I see how hard you and Uncle Josh work. Even when you're not on tour, or when you don't have an album in the works."

"I didn't think you noticed that," I said.

"Of course I do. I'm really good at watching people's body language. It's how I knew whether Stanley was going to beat me or just lock me in my room."

I frowned. I don't like talking about Sam's birth father after everything he put her and us through.

"Dad, don't be mad. Stanley sucked and I don't like talking about him really either. But he did give me some talents, for better or worse, that are helpful in life in general."

"Just thinking about him makes me think of everything he put you through and what he put us through."

Sam looked thoughtful.

"I wonder what would have happened if he hadn't kidnapped me.  Like, would I be better than I am now? Or did I work hard enough after that where I am now is where I'd be anyway?"

"What do you mean by better?" I asked. Sam is an amazing person. Compassionate, smart, and finding new confidence every day.

"Mentally. Would I be better if he hadn't kidnapped me?"

"Are you having problems?"

"No," she said, frowning. "Not really. Like, I don't think I need any appointments with Doc, if that's what you're thinking. I just sometimes wonder if maybe I'd be, I don't know. It's hard to explain."

"I think I understand what you mean," I said. "And Samantha, everything that Stanley did, made you who you are. Crazy as that sounds. Instead of you being a bitter and angry person, you made the decision that you would not allow the way he treated you to be the way you treat others.  You recognize that compassion is important. Look at the time Jill was mad at you, and you helped her when she had a seizure at school anyway. You could have turned your back on her because she was mad at you.  You didn't. You helped her. Because you made the decision to be a good person.

You told me last year you don't believe in God and you still come to church when we go and help with Rosie or help with the daycare or the Sunday School.  You don't go around telling the kids that God isn't real or anything like that.  You come to church to help. Because you are a good person.

So, I don't know if you would have been more mentally stable if Stanley hadn't kidnapped you. But I don't know that you'd be the person you are now if he hadn't. Make sense?"

I looked at Samantha, who had tears in her eyes. She blinked and two tears trailed down her face. I smiled at her.

"What's this about?" I asked, reaching over and rubbing under her eye with my thumb.

"What you said, was just, so, nice. It made me happy cry, I guess."

"Well, Samantha Joseph," I said. "You deserve good things and good words. You're an amazing young woman. You're smart and funny and a leader. I've said it before and I'll say it again. You aren't the same little girl that landed in our backyard three years ago."

And she wasn't. She was finding her way in the world and where she fits in.