Trapped inside this madness

Trust me.

Twenty minutes left. On one side you had the feeling twenty minutes sounded incredible long - what could you tell him? What else would this man want to know? Or would he just read your mind?
On the other side it felt too short. Because even if you didn't want to admit it - you were amazed by this man. He was handsome, could read you like an open book and seemed to be incredibly intelligent.

„So, why don't we come back to my question: Why are you here, Miss L/N?" his blue eyes rested on you. Like he already knew the answer but he wanted to hear it from you.

You pressed your lips together and tried to escape those blue eyes by looking at your cold hands. You played with them to get them warmer and to distract yourself. „Well... actually. My Mother wanted me to visit a therapist. I-I...", you stumbled. You always hated to talk about yourself - especially about your feelings. That's why your ‚friends' always thought you're doing fine. You've never complained about bad things going on in your life, you've never told them if you needed help, because, hey. Deep inside you, you already knew asking for help was always a bad idea. The people will always let you down when you need them the most, right?

„Okay. Listen, Mister Crane..." - „Dr. Crane.", he interrupted you. Doctor. Of course! What was going on with you? „I-I'm sorry, of course, Dr. Crane.", your cheeks turned red again. He confused you and you hated him for that. Was he really the perfect psychiatrist for someone like you? You cleared your throat - again. It felt like you repeated this every few seconds. „I'm not happy around people. I have been disappointed pretty often and that's why I have trust issues. Well, actually. I hate people in total. I have friends, sure, but I have nobody except my Mother to rely on. I am alone which works for me but... it feels wrong. It feels like I'm an alien."

You never really felt bad being alone but you knew that this wasn't the normal way to live, right? Social contacts were important but you were scared. You had this fear inside you - one of many - hanging over you like a dark shadow. Always there, always present. Fear of being disappointed again, of trusting someone and putting so much love and effort in friends, family or even a partner and then being alone. Not because you said something stupid or even mean - no, just because they got bored in you or even for no reason.

You furrowed your eyebrows. Suddenly you remembered two friends. Being there for them, helping them out with everything - just being a perfect friend and for what? For being ghosted. Even if you told yourself you were fine with this, you're finished with this topic, you often thought about why - again - someone let you down. After all the trust you've put into them. Maybe it was just because you were naive, right? Or just stupid.

„Listen. I think we have to work a lot together. I can help you, but only if you trust the process. Trust me." That sounded strange. Jonathan knew exactly what he was doing. It was a little mind play - just for the beginning. Because he already had some plans with you. Plans which might include some of his fear toxin but for that he wanted to know more about your fears. Yes, he knew you searched for danger and darkness - but he also felt there were much more fears you dealt with. A young, beautiful patients with a lot of fears - the perfect patient for the toxin.

Crane knocked on the table and pointed on the white clock on the wall behind you. „Our time is over.", he mentioned. It was crazy - the time flashed past. „O-oh. Sure.", you shook your head and straightened your coat. „I want to see you again tomorrow. At the same time. We have a lot to do and we shouldn't waste any time. My ‚homework' for today is.", he looked at you with a serious face. „Think about every fear you have. Even better: Write them down, whenever you are scared."

You nodded and having the feeling to be in a trance. You didn't know what this man did but there was something about him. Maybe it was something between a therapist and his patient - whatever it was you couldn't explain it. „I'm gonna see you tomorrow, Dr. Crane. Have a nice evening.", he escorted you to the door and rested his cold hand on your back. „Take care, Miss L/N."

You left the Asylum - still feeling his hand on your back. Even after you've arrived at home, eating, doing the dishes and getting ready for bed - you still thought about his blue piercing eyes.

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*Author's Note*
First of all to anyone who made it that far: Thank you so much for reading. This is really exciting for me as it's my first *reader* and English story! Again: Sorry for any made mistakes.
I hope the story doesn't bore you at the moment. I want it to get a slow start - but I really have a lot on my mind about Dr. Crane and you. I'm sure you'll enjoy it!