Trapped inside this madness

It's like you never had wings.

One week. For a week you had been isolating yourself and thinking about the last weeks. About what you had done to Clara, about what Crane had actually done to you. About your encounter with Batman and Bruce Wayne, about the fact that - thanks to Wayne - you didn't have to work and instead of coming to rest and helping your secret friend Batman, you had poisoned Clara. Because of all that, you just needed time for yourself. Time for your inner peace and to decide what you should finally do.

When your mobile phone rang and your mother's picture flashed up, your heart warmed for the first time in a long time. You had daily contact and wrote a lot to each other, but to hear her was something else. After all, she was the only person you trusted completely and that was also the reason why you hadn't told her anything about all this.

"Y/N, I wish I was calling you for something nice, but it's about your.... father. He knows you live in Gotham. He put one and one together-"

"Mum?! Are you all right? Please tell me you're okay?" that had been your biggest concern. Your mother had raised you alone. Your father was violent, a drug addict and even in prison for some time. You never thought of him as a father, after all, he was never there for you. He didn't care how you were doing, he never wrote on your birthday, and he never paid a penny of child support. Your mother always had to take care of both of you and since you were working yourself, you really didn't know how she managed all that. Alone.

However, it did occur to your father to check on you and your mother from time to time. Tried to play happy family and see himself as a victim. But mostly when he needed money, or even a kidney. You remembered him talking about desperately needing a kidney - it sounded like an attempt to ask you for it, but you had skillfully ignored it. You didn't really keep in touch, but he always knew how to get into your life when he wanted something. You loathed him. Especially for what he did to your mother.

"Y/N, I'm fine, don't worry about me. But please... take care of yourself. You know him, he always finds ways and means to find you..." - these words caused an uneasiness in you. You knew he was violent. If only this man would finally disappear from your life - permanently! But maybe he could NOT find you. Gotham was a big city, you didn't have plenty of friends or contacts - how should he find you?

You talked to your mother for a while, reassuring her not to worry, not to come and see you - she should concentrate on herself and if anything happened, you would contact her. Actually, that phone call was something you really needed. She could always reassure you - even if she didn't know what was really on your mind. But just knowing that she was there for you - even if in Metropolis - was a wonderful feeling.

*

The moonlight illuminated the dark streets of Gotham. The night was cool, with only a few wispy clouds hanging between the skyscrapers. Actually, it was a night like you loved it. It was a special atmosphere and usually the perfect time to go for a walk. You paced restlessly up and down your flat - should you risk it? Should you go for a walk? Or should you stay at home? The thought that your father might be in Gotham nearly drove you mad.

You looked at the screen of your phone and stared at two names: Bruce Wayne and Dr. Jonathan Crane. Maybe one of them would have the time to take a walk with you? On the other hand, it was night. Besides, you were an independent, strong woman who could take care of herself! "God, Y/N. Pull yourself together! It's just a walk, you'll be fine."

So you decided to set out alone into the dark night. You had your phone with you and a key with which you could defend yourself if necessary. "I don't need a man by my side," you grumbled to yourself, put on your jacket and finally went out the door. The cool wind was just what you needed. You needed to clear your head and move around. At some point you found yourself near the Wayne Tower and looked up. The moon was close to the tower. It was a great sight. Even though many people couldn't relate to Gotham, you loved this city. It was your home.