Trapped inside this madness

All alone. All mine.

Not today, Scarecrow. - It felt like a freudian slip. But this only meant deep inside you, you had the feeling of Crane as Scarecrow, right? Even after this amazing party and a perfect sleep, you had to think about this. It was the right decision to get the rest of the week off and collect your thoughts. But there were also new thoughts just as why Bruce Wayne wanted to talk with you about Scarecrow. Why was he so interested in this? For you it didn't make any sense. "UGH! WHY ME?!", you sighed. Yeah, you were the one who was bored of her normal life and the one who wanted dangerous situations but THAT was not what you meant. Thanks Universe!

It would be so much better to think about the party, about your talk with Mr Handsome Wayne and not about Scarecrow - nah, Dr. Crane and his unopened message. "Okay, let's get back to you, Jonathan.", you whispered and finally checked his message.

I hope you are fine. You've been quiet all day. Take care. And if something happens, message me.
JC

"Oh, come on. Really?! I've been quiet all day? Men!" - let's be honest. What did he expect? Should you message him because you kissed him? Because he thought you were in love with him? If he really thought so he didn't know you at all. You were someone who never really fell in love, someone who had trust issues - which you told him - and he really thought he could wrap you around his little finger and with some heroic rescue operation you would be aaaaaaaall over the moon? Okay, you enjoyed his company, you loved his blue eyes and his voice but no. That wasn't enough for you to develop feelings for someone after such a short time. Also? What could have happened? This whole message felt strange.

You left the message on read - without replying. Something Crane did NOT like. You would be punished for this - you just didn't know yet. But what you did know was that you had to get back to your little black book and re-read all the things you put down there. You could have your Sherlock moment and convict him. Crane. He would be your Moriarty.

Getting out of bed and grabbing your little notebook you made yourself a coffee. This would help you as well to connect the dots. With your favourite mug you leaned on your table and checked your notes. Your first meeting with Crane and Scarecrow, the way Crane always wants to talk about fear, the fear your felt whenever you met Scarecrow... This all was so wrong. This fear welt so different. As you told Crane, your biggest fear was to loose your Mum. This fear was filled with worries and whenever you thought of THAT day it brought you to tears.
When you think about "little" fears like spiders or snakes, it was more the feeling of disgust. You just couldn't stand these animals and didn't like it when they were around you. A spider - at least the ones you found in your apartment - could not kill you. You just had this horrible thought of it to cross your face, to feel the tiny eight legs on your skin - something like that. But FEAR?

Your head already smoldered like a chimney, "Scarecrow. Scarecrow... why am I always that scared...? Why?" He had nothing you feared. Okay, you once saw maggots coming out of his mouth but that's also something disgusting and not scary. "Wait. Fuck. Oh my God, of course! The water. The smoke.", your heart beated fast. Incredibly fast. "The first time I saw him was when Jonathan gave me a glass of water. I felt dizzy right after... once he sprayed me with something... something fear activating. Of course. YES! IT IS HIM I KNOW IT!", you clapped your hands full of joy about solving the case. The big question was... How to tell him? How to fight the fear? You had an idea. But would it work?

*

We have to talk, I need you as psychiatrist. Not as a friend this time. Please. Arkham? Whenever you are free. - Y/N

- Sure. 5 pm, Arkham. JC

You stared in disbelief at his reply. "Wow. Why so formal?! Shouldn't you be worried? Or are you showing your real face, Jonathan." you laughed. You kinda expected a different answer. More concern, more emotion - faked, of course. But at least more emotion.

So, what were you up to? You realized something important was in his little silver case he always brought with him. Maybe his fear activating stuff. The question was, why he was immune against it. Something you still wanted to find out. So you had to get rid of this case. The big question still was: HOW. You didn't want to think about this at all. You would find a solution - how about being spontaneous? Even if you loved being prepared and think through everything and every possible situation, sometimes it could be better to just let things happen and see how the things will turn out, right? And that was your decision for today.

You grabbed all your important things, keys, phone, wallet, jacket and that black little notebook and finally got off your apartment. It was a bit early but you wanted to take a long walk to clear your mind and prepare yourself for this important talk with Crane.

*

5 pm. It felt like eternity today. The excitement got bigger and bigger, thousands questions crossed your mind but you were there. Sitting in Arkham. Waiting for Dr. Jonathan Crane.

„In time." you heard a familiar voice interrupting your thoughts. Without a word you got up and joined his office. „What happened? I was worried. You didn't text me back, you wanted to see me today. What's wrong, Y/N?" Your eyes wandered around the office. You've been there some times, sure, but you never paid so much attention. You saw his little silver case standing next to his table. After blinking sometimes you finally gave him all of your attention. With a complete different plan. „I had to see you. Something happened yesterday and I wasn't able to text you... I. I saw him.", Crane furrowed his eyebrows. „Who?" - „Scarecrow. He was after me. I wanted to get home after my work event and... God, I am still so... in shock. Why is he after me?" Silence. The room was filled with a strange silence for a moment. Crane knew you lied. Of course he knew. He just did not know why you lied. Yet. He cleared his throat und looked you directly in the eyes. „Are you completely sure? Where did you meet him? What did he say?" - Inside your mind you rolled your eyes. You wish, you could just tell him what you know. But you had to act innocent, right?

„It was him. I know it. Who else could it have been?! D-Do you think it wasn't him?", you raised an eyebrow before you shook your beautiful head. „Fuck it." - „Excuse me?", Crane looked at you surprised and kind of in disbelief. For the first time he had no idea what was going on in your mind. Why you acted so strange, why you lied about meeting Scarecrow. „I haven't seen him. It was just an excuse to-" „To see me?", Crane interrupted.

Wow. He really was confident, right? He thought you fell for him and just wanted to see him? Ugh. It made you go crazy! „No. It was an excuse to finally tell you what I know. That I found out that no other than YOU is the Scarecrow. My fucking nightmare. And don't even try to deny it. And don't you dare opening this fucking silver case.", you stood up and kicked the case away from him. Spontaneous, right?!

But the biggest surprise was that Crane didn't react at all. He looked at you, took off his glasses to clean them and cleared his throat. Again. „Miss L/N, I am truly amazed. But... let me ask you one question.", he put his glasses back on his nose. „Do you really think that there is someone who will believe you? A young girl with no social life...? You know that I have power over you. Over everything what will happen next." - „You don't." - He laughed and shook his head. „Uh, uh, uh. Listen, dear. As your psychiatrist I can write down EVERYTHING in your file. Schizophrenic? Yes. Referral to Arkham? Yes. Dangerous for others? Yes."

Your eyes widened. You had thousands of ideas how this situation could turn out but you missed this option. Before you could find any words he continued. „Y/N, no one is gonna believe you. You are all alone. You told me. I even heard it with my own ears, remember? When your friends had this little game night and couldn't take care of you? Didn't even invite you? You... have nobody. All alone.", he got closer and lifted your chin. You were completely frozen. „All mine."

And for the first time you were afraid. Truly and completely afraid. Fear. Here it was. Fear.

Hello my lovely readers!
I wanted to post this chapter not this late, I am so sorry - again.
But life happened and I didn't make it. But I finally did! I hope you like it and I tryyyyy to post the next chapter a bit faster!

Thank you for reading!
Xx N