Trapped inside this madness

Forgive me.

What should I do with you now?

Everything went black. Your body just couldn't stand all of this any longer. The fear, your thoughts. It was too much. So it reacted. After hours of being unconscious you finally woke up again. With tired eyes you blinked sometimes to get used to the new surroundings and lights. You were not at home - but it didn't seem like you were in a hospital. „Where am I?" you asked yourself and rubbed your forehead. You had a horrible headache. „Fuck... what happened?!"

Your eyes finally met Jonathan Crane who observed you. "You are at my place.", he answered in a calm voice. "I don't know what happened to you. I don't know if you can remember anything. I came to our appointment and found you unconsious. Just... laying there on the floor.", he cleared his throat and stood up. He seemed to be worried about you. About what happened to you. 

"I...", you started quietly. Your headache was horrible. Everything hurt. Even talking seemed to make the pain be worse. "I can't remember anything. I... All I know is that I wanted to be in time for our meeting and... yes.", you stopped. You got up to sit and wrap your arms around yourself. "H-he was there again. S-scarecrow." A single tear ran down your cheek. "I... What does he want from me? I cannot take this anylonger. Why is this happening. I just. This. No...", you shook your head, not knowing what to say. This was too much. 

Crane nodded and left for a single moment just to came back with a glass of water and some pain killers. He was a brillant observer but of course he also knew that his high fear toxin dose would cause side effects like horrific headaches. You were so confused you didn't waste a minute to think about if there could be a connection between Crane and Scarecrow. For the moment you just enjoyed some company and you still had the feeling he was worried. 

"Listen, Y/N. Don't think about anything bad right now. Just relax, take your time to recover. From how I found you I can only imagine how terrible your meeting with the Scarecrow must have been. Your body needs some time. So breathe, take some pain killers if you need them and just stay here. If you want me to bring you home, let me know. If you want to stay. Stay. I'm gonna cook something for you and everything's gonna be fine. Okay?"

You just stared at him for a moment. His voice was calm and even... lovely? He had such a different undertone and you had to admit: you liked it. It wasn't okay to bring you here. He actually should have gotten you a room at Arkham - or even the Gotham Memorial. That would have been the right decision. That would have been reasonable. That's the way you would have acted - for sure. You thought about his words. Thought about how to act. Be grateful and accept his offer to stay? Because, YES, you wanted to stay! Or should you be the reasonable young woman you've always been? Never taking risks, even if you wanted to. 

Jonathan was still expecting an answer what he showed by just raising an eyebrow. "I... would love to stay. Please.", a small smile escaped your lips before you took the medicine and waited for the pain to release. "Oh, and... thank you." 

Thank You. Something about you saying thanks and your delicate voice, you sitting on his bed being broken after what HE has done to you, made his heart melt. That's all he could ask for at the moment and he felt like a child seeing Christmas Presents under the tree. You were still an experiment to him - of course. But he also enjoyed your company. Enjoyed your fear, your tears but also - or especially? - your fragile side. You were this lonely, broken woman with trust issues. The one who couldn't even call her friends. The one who was brave enough to tell the Scarecrow she wasn't afraid of him. Dear God, you were something special and he wanted to get to know you. As Jonathan and as Scarecrow. 

After he tortured you with this pretty high dose, he wanted to be nice this day. Show you, you could really rely on your psychiatrist. On him. Also as a friend. "You are very welcome, my dear.", he answered. "Just. Don't tell anyone about this here. You are still my patient." You nodded and interrupted him. "I won't. I promise. And I am glad you brought me here and didn't insist on... being stubborn like me and bring me to the hospital." You laughed. It was the first time he saw you laughing and it was beautiful. "Now take some rest, Y/N." Crane left the bedroom and close the door behind him. 

You noted how your cheeks burned and how your heartbeat got faster. You did not want to fall for him. It was wrong, you knew that. And this all went way too fast - you were no Disney Princess to fall for the Prince who saved you. Actually, if you really think through you never felt for anyone. You never had a boyfriend. You were always too afraid to be hurt. To be left alone and so you prefered to be alone. It was a big difference, right? To BE alone because you wanted to or to BE LEFT alone because no one wanted to be around you.You tried to shook of your thoughts and cuddled yourself back on the bed. Grabbing your phone which was in your pocket, texting your Mum that you were okay, texting your - ugh - boss that you had an accident and couldnt message earlier. You checked your messages - realizing no one else had messaged you. "That doesn't matter at the moment, Y/N.", you told yourself and placed your phone on the little bedside table. You needed a rest. And you did fall asleep within seconds.

*

A knocking on the door woke you up. You felt better. The pills helped against your headache and your body got some rest. You wouldn't say you could uproot trees all day long but you felt awake and good. "Come in. Please!", you got back on your feet and stretched your arms. Yes, you definitely felt better. Jonathan opened the door and smiled at you. "Now look who's back at the living." he gave you a cup of coffee. "Join me in the kitchen, please. Let me know what I can cook for you." 

Coffee. It felt like a magic potion and you truly loved it. For the first sip you even closed your eyes to enjoy the taste and feel the warmth running down your throat. "This is exactely what I needed and this is by far the best coffee ever!", you leaned against the doorframe and observed your saviour. His hair was more messy, he only wore a white shirt without a tie and the top buttons were undone. He looked stunning. For a moment you daydreamed how it would feel to be awaken everyday by someone who brings you coffee in the morning and looking this fine at the same time. 

As soon as you're at home you would definitely start to think more reasonable and professional again. But just for today, just for this moment you wanted to be irrational. Maybe even foolish. Enjoying being around him. Around an handsome man like him. Still being in your daydream and staring in the void you didnt realize Jonathan talked to you.  

"Y/N...? Are you still with me?", he wondered and got closer. Placing his cold index finger under your chin to lift it. "Y-yes...", you whispered and already cracked your voice. "I just drifted. That's all.", you tried to excuse. Crane looked directly into your (light/dark) eyes. This moment felt so intense. Like you and him were the only two people on this planet. Like nothing could stop you. Like nothing would matter. Your heart seemed to explode. This moment - just you looking at these blue eyes and him looking right into your soul - could last forever. You even forgot about the bad things that happened in the last days. 

"Forgive me.", you pressed your lips together and before he could ask for what you need his forgiveness, you finally had the courage to kiss him. Softly. Even shy.

Crane widened his eyes and kissed you back. You really were a mystery to him. The last time he tasted these sweet lips you rejected him. You wanted to be professional. Was this professional? No. And even if the Doctor did not expect you to act like this, he got you right where he wanted you. Just earlier as he thought. This kiss and this strange feeling inside him wouldnt change a thing. It didnt matter for his experiments. The opposite. He would enjoy them even more. As beautiful you were with a bright smile... 

You looked the most beautiful with fear in your eyes. Especially when you feared him. His alter-ego. Scarecrow.

But for this day he would enjoy the kiss and cook for you after. Show you that someone cared about you. That you were safe with him and finally - after such a short time - could rely on someone. Ask for help! And after a wonderful, simple day he drove you home. Home where you could collect your thoughts. You had some time to think about everything that happened as you wouldn't see him the other day as you were invited to the Wayne's Party, right? Reese wanted you to join him - "as an assistant of course". That was something you really couldn't wait for. An expensive and important party. And you would be part of it. 



* Author's Note*

Hello there! 
First of all I am SO INCREDIBLY SORRY for disappearing and not posting for months. 
I really try to update at least once a week. For everyone who is still reading: THANK YOU! 
I hope I did not disappoint with this chapter - it's been a little bit more fluffy, right? Even if I didnt plan this but it kind of felt right for me xD 
So I really hope you did like the comeback and I cannot wait to write more again!

Wish you all the best! xx