𝄞 The treble clef ✰

#4 BABY!

We were already in a "push and pull" relationship.

How did we get here?

Of course, she started everything (I want to think so).

As much as I pulled her away, she always came back and got closer than before. She changed me. She transformed my feelings into something unexplained, we are more than friends, that's for sure...

But I can't blame her completely, she didn't force me to do anything, I corresponded her, even unconsciously, I wanted her close, I gave into her whims and I let myself be.

What was that moment things changed? I'm not sure.

It was so gradual.

I don't know the moment we pass from holding hands casually and hugging for fanservice, until spending so much time together (outside of the company), talking until late at night and calling each other with our thoughts, I don't have idea.

When I realized what she means to me, I immediately refused the possibility, I was panicked, cuz' I still needed being Solar, the unblemished idol, the leader, for my dream, for MAMAMOO's dream, for the RBW people.

I buried my feelings and forgot myself, but despite everything, she didn't leave me, she always stayed.

Wheein & Hwasa found it out before me, Byul was not only a girl crush by imposition. Even though it was obvious, me, being a clueless person caught it up until much later. I understood the reason she didn't feel part of us.

The maknaes insinuated it, but they never told me directly, it was Byul who confessed her personal taste in Japan, in one of our tours, as if I was the most naive person in the world, she told me: "unnie you are fool."

I remember so clearly, we were talking about WGM that ocation:

"I couldn't do something like that unnie."

It bothered me, it wasn't a finished issue yet.

"I don't like that kind of fake relationship, I don't think I could be close so soon with an unknown person, even in a tv show"

"Yah!" I was offended. "It's not like we've actually been married and had that much contact, it was like acting in a drama. You did it yourself Nayoung-ah."

"It's not the same unnie, you could have refused the show!"

"If I didn't, Mamamoo wouldn't have gained more popularity that year!"

"We were already popular unnie, it wasn't necessary!"

The discussion didn't seem to finish.

"Aigoooo!, it seems like I did something really bad, if you and Park SeoJoon nim have been invited, wouldn't you have agreed right away?

"Babo..."

"Mwo? mwo?"

"Why don't you know yet? Babo.."

"Mwoooo?!"

"Wheein and Hwasa know it, even the CEO knows...

―. . .

―I...I...like girls.

―. . .

Both of us remained silent, she analized my face attentively, I wasn't totally blind to at least no have suspicions. I reacted slowly, but then I made some silly jokes to lighten the atmosphere, of course nothing changed, we continue as before.

ByulE, she would always be my dongsaeng, copycat Byul, stingy Byul, the annoying hamster with whom I can always be myself and who support me at all, her preferences didn't change what I thought of her, but I admit, there was a time (which I regret), bad people and haters, confused me, and I hurt her, I hated myself for it.