Given and Denied

Chapter 25.

It was pouring with rain.
Darkened, heavily leaded skies added to the gloom and sheer despondency that we all felt as we stood, huddled together underneath huge umbrellas in the churchyard at our friend Maya's funeral.

I was clinging onto the arms of my two closet friends Amelia and Marcus, as I hid behind a pair of thick, dark sunglasses to camouflage the redness of my swollen and tear stained eyes.
I had done nothing but cry all morning at home and again now throughout the beautiful and extremely touching service where they had played Maya's  favourite song, Snow Patrols, Racing Cars, on huge speakers that were situated at the front of the church.
Playing that song loudly for the whole congregation to hear, had just about tipped me over the edge and had ripped at my heart so very badly that  I had wept like a tiny baby then and still continued to do so.

I had been dreading this day but knew that I had to go through it. Goodness only knows how her parents and family members were feeling. Maya's poor mother was in absolute bits. Having to Bury her one and only beautiful daughter was something that no parent should ever have to go through.

Seeing the demise of such a treasured human being who we would miss with all of our hearts was also something that those closest to her should never have to bare witness to, but here we all were, standing at the graveside, watching as her coffin was gently lowered into the ground and the vicar reading a passage from the Bible.
Still the rain was unrelenting and my feet were soaked through. Rather like the day when I had heard about Maya's death, when on the film set at that lovely stately home.
I wondered if I would ever be able to continue on with that film or indeed ever act again. I certainly could never see myself getting back onto the stage at The Royal Rose Theatre.
It just would never, ever be the same.

"It was good of Hugo though to come over and do a reading for her ". Amelia spoke as we were now walking together away from the graveside.
"Maya would have loved that".

I took in a heavy, ladened breath as I remembered seeing Hugo Martinez, get up onto the stand at the front of the congregation and before everyone present continued to read out aloud his own personal memories of the girl who simply adored him and whom  he continually kept at a severe arms length, proclaiming that he was in fact gay.
To see him here today,  accompanied by a most glamorous and simply beautiful young woman on his arm, he most surely would have broken Maya's poor little heart.
He certainly would have broken Marcus's, if he hadn't indeed been so wrapped up within his own grief and was without the company and support of a very handsome young man, of whom I simply did not know!

I then gave Amelia's arm a huge squeeze.

"You know, Maya really loved Hugo didn't she". I sniffed. "She should have stayed loving him and not gone off looking for love elsewhere".

Amelia's grip very suddenly tightened on my arm too as she could tell that I was getting deeply upset again.

"Maybe if she'd have done that, she would more than likely still be here with us,  where she should be".  I spoke quietly.

Amelia bent her head down, closer to mine and gripping my arm even tighter than she had before, then whispered.

"Thank goodness Jules Ryback didn't turn up that's all I can say".

I suddenly stopped in my tracks at the mere mention of his name.

"He wouldn't have dared".  I then growled back angrily.

Amelia realising that she had touched a very raw nerve, now rubbed lovingly at my arm.

"Well, At least everyone from the theatre had turned up, even the ones she didn't particularly like". Amelia now smiled, rubbing at my arm furiously in an attempt to calm me somewhat.
"She was quite picky you know, about who she did like".