The Other Prior: Candice Prior || Divergent Fanfiction

Chapter 23: Belonging

859 Reads! It's a late night update for me, so forgive any obvious grammar/spelling mistakes, and feel free to point them out. I wanted to stick to my habit of publishing every Wednesday and Saturday, without exceptions, so here you go, chapter 23!

Chapter 23:

"You- You what?" Amar asks me, his comforting face now contorted into a stunned one.

Just looking at his face, I can tell he knows that there is more to the story than I let across, and that he will not leave until I give him the full information. Amar, though I have only known him for a week and a half, has made it very clear that he is a person with many layers. Sometimes, he is soft and understanding, like the time he invited Four and I for a game of Dare with his friends, but sometimes he is cold, like the lifeless initiation instructor he becomes by day. He is persistent and very smart. Unnaturally smart even, for a Dauntless person.

Is he divergent?

"Andi- I know there's more that you're not telling me." He states, turning me so I have no choice but to look into his eyes. I've always hated looking into people's eyes, and for the longest time, I've never had to. Abnegation dictates that we must avoid eye contact us much as possible lest it comes across as staring. I feel like eyes have a way of getting people to tell the truth. They always have for me, and often I can't afford to speak my mind about things; so, I try and avoid the eyes. It is too painful to recount what happened last night. I am still soaked with guilt, resentment, anger, contempt, confusion, and grief. But Amar deserves an answer. He was the one that held me when I cried. He was the one that noticed something was wrong. He was the one that stopped me from taking my own life. He deserves to know.

"I was upset after yesterday's simulation. I found myself wandering around Dauntless and I ended up by the bar." I start off, and he listens intently, not shutting himself off from me after my stunning declaration like most people would have. He listens as though he completely believes that I had a reason for what I did, even if I myself don't believe so.

I have never been listened to like he listens to me. He just listens. He doesn't talk when tears start to flow down my eyes as I describe to him what happened when I first saw the hooded figure that was Jake on the chasm walkway. He doesn't speak when I collapse into violent sobs when I describe how I kicked him forward with no real intention of hurting him, he just pats me on the back comfortingly, giving me the strength, I need to go on. I tell him everything. It doesn't even occur to me that I should hold information back. I don't hold back what Jake said, and he doesn't look astounded or confused when I use the word 'divergent'. It's as though he has heard it before. It feels good to tell him everything that I've been holding inside me. I pour out all my feelings, my doubts, and my insecurities even though the unspoken question was only 'What happened last night?', and he listens patiently, a fact that I will always be grateful for.

"It was an accident, Andi" Amar says slowly after I've finished recounting last night's incidents.

"An accident which resulted in someone dying! It's not a Jake!" I clasp my hands to my mouth at the sound of my slip of words. I get up abruptly from the position we had taken on the floor of the walkway. Ignoring Amar's tries to comfort me, I turn on my heel and walk away rubbing my wrists to my eyes to wipe away the excess tears.

I know that I was unkind to Amar, unnecessarily so, but it is hard for me to move past this. He helped though, just by listening to me, he helped.

+++

I'm back at the place that I have grown to dread. It will forever haunt me from now on, that much is clear to me. It is the place in which I saw my friend fall to his death, but right now, it is morning, which brings a lot of relief to me. I walk to the center of the walkway and watch the water pour downwards underneath me.