Hold me tight

10.

             10. Slow dance with a stranger

I was walking alone in the middle of the night at outside. I had been okay again for a couple days, not feeling sick anymore. Joonas took good care of me at the first day when I got sick. But when he accidentally said that he should've had a practise, I got shocked and almost mad. Or I was, only a little bit. I said to him millions of times to go there because it's a lot more important thing than taking care of me, he just didn't listen.
I almost kicked him out of my apartment to go there, then he gave up and lifted his arms up and accepted his sentence to go there. And since that day he has texted me every day, making sure if I was feeling okay. Luckily he didn't get sick.

But now it was finally time for me to go outside, take some fresh air and trying to get my thoughts to somewhere else. At midnight, yes. There was a lot of people going to bars and getting out, they all were with their friends and having fun.
It's making me jealous for sure, but when then I remember that I have a new friend, Joonas.
It's still complicated. I haven't talked about myself, but he has told about his life more.
I know that he wants to know me better so much, but I just.. can't let him in. I have always kept myself safe from everyone, and my thoughts dance alone in my brain.
It would kinda feel wrong if someone else knows about them.

A warm wind was hitting my face while I got closer to the ocean, but then I decided just to turn to some street and continue my way away from it.
I saw a bar getting closer to me, it was the one where we had the afterparty. A very small smile appeared on my face while I was thinking about the night.
Now the bar was on my right, I saw people there drinking and having fun. I swallowed, licked my lips and suddenly my throat started to feel dry and thirsty. I stopped.
I was trying to fight back against my thoughts.
Beer, shots, cigarettes.. anything started to sound too good for me now.
I could almost feel the alcohol running down my veins, my head slowly starting to spin around and my voice being more and more unclear.
I saw people going in, laughing and cheering.
Then I saw a couple coming out, completely drunk, leaning against each other and giggling. They kissed.
With my side-eye I started to stare at them while I almost leaned against the building's wall.
The man had his other arm wrapped around the woman, while he was calling for a taxi. The woman was slowly closing her eyes, but forced them to be open. I remember me and Joonas being in that condition.

I looked away and took a very deep breath. I closed my eyes for a second, and when I opened them, I had made an decision.
I started to take steps towards the door of the bar.
I opened it and stepped in.

I leaned against the counter while I sat on the bar stool, drinking my third beer. Time was probably flying, I don't know because I haven't watched my phone in a while. Couple men has tried to make an conversation with me but I have only gave them a bad look.
The bartender kept an eye on me, there was few completely drunk men around me and he probably wanted to make sure that they won't harm me.
Better try, I would kick them where the sun is not shining.
I sighed very deeply, I leaned my head against my hand while the other one was strongly keeping a grip of the glass of beer.
I felt someone's hand touching my back lightly, I flinched and looked to my left. A tall, blonde haired man looked at me and sat on the bar stool next to me.
"Sorry." He mumbled quietly and then ordered something for himself. My eyes looked at him up and down, well dressed and hair looks almost too clear.
He had a small beard and when he turned to look at me again with a smirk on his face, I rolled my eyes while looking away.

"Why a woman like you is alone in here?" He then asked. He wasn't drunk, or it sounded and looked like it. I took the last sip of my beer and when the glass hit the table, I looked at him.
"Woman like what?" I responded, raising my other eyebrow on him. His drink was handed to him, and he gave a nod to the bartender before landing his eyes on me again.
"A beautiful one. I catched my eyes on you a while ago, now I got the courage to come talk to you." He explained himself and it didn't make an impression to me.
I looked at my empty glass, then the bartender who was in hurry to make all the drinks.
"You know, I'm not a woman who is flattered by strangers words." I sighed and started to look around, trying to find an escape.
But then, my eyes catched the front door. Two very familiar man came in. I frowned when I got it that it was Joonas and Joel. I almost got excited because they would be my escape, but I saw couple women with them.