Hold me tight

25.

                 25. Is this what you want?

"So, you two are officially fine?" I raised my other eyebrow to Eevi, she nodded and took a long sip of her drink. Couple of days ago we were at the restaurant. Now we were in a bar with Eevi, sitting in a terrace and had small drinks. It was warm and sunny night.
"We had a long talk, and talked simply about everything in life. And we'll leave the miscarriage behind." She told me, looking at her drink.
But soon her eyes slowly raised up to me, and she had a suggesting smirk on her face, I looked at her with questioning look.
She leaned forward, placed hand under her jaw and leaned against it. She was waiting for something.
"You and Joonas are cute." She then said daydreaming. I stared at her with my eyes wide open, I smiled and shook my head.

"Don't start with that." I said and then took sip of my drink. She just giggled and smiled, shrugging her shoulders.
"Can't help it. He's so in lov-"

"No." I interrupted her, she frowned and looked at me more serious. I immediately felt bad for saying that.
"Sorry.. it's just.. we haven't talked about our.. thing..?" I struggled with the words and I was so nervous. She nodded slowly and I think she understood. Or course she did. Eevi has told me about her lovestory with Olli, it was complicated.
She knows excatly how it feels to be alone and lost.
She was about to say something, but decided to stay silent when some people walked past us at the terrace. She leaned closer and swallowed.
"I don't know if I'm the best example in here, but.. you two should talk. Saga, I see how he looks at you. The gaze is so sweet and like he wants to protect you from everything bad. I've never seen him like that." She explained quietly and I saw that she was being serious.
"You think he would be.. in love..?" I whispered and then Eevi started to smile a bit. She leaned against the back of her chair and shrugged her shoulders, but still, she had that smile.
"That's something you have to ask from him." She only said.
I started to feel frustrated and nervous, would he really feel something like that towards me?
It's impossible...

"Okay, girl. I know what maybe would help you." She leaned against the table again.
"Write down about your feelings. Write every single thing, then.. give it to Joonas. I'm sure he would appreciate that. Or just say the same things to him." She smiled and was proud of her suggestion.
It didn't sound that bad actually.
"But I'm not a writer, not as good as you are." I underestimated myself. Eevi just tilted her head little bit and then shoon her head.

"No, don't say that. It doesn't really matter. Writing was everything I had back then, I wrote sad love songs and stuff. I found comfort about it. And for you.. I think it would help you too." She smiled.
I don't even know about my own feelings, is there feelings?
What I feel is like.. butterlies.. I feel safe around him and his touch is warm and it feels good. This is new to me. It's hard to know what this is.
But I know one thing.. he's messing my mind and I can't stop thinking about him. What spells is he using?

I was zoning out, but only thinking about him. I was thinking about his.. everything. And I started to feel cold, I needed his warm hands wrapped around me. I was imagining his smile and curls while he's laying next to me, I think I was smiling.
"His kisses are like drug." I suddenly said out loud, still staring my drink and thinking about him.
When I've become like this? Just only a few weeks ago I was ready to die, but now.. Joonas Porko has changed my mind. The voices are still yelling at me that I should stop this madness and end it all, but when I hear Joonas' voice somewhere or even see him.. I feel like I have nothing to worry about.
I slowly lifted my eyes up to Eevi, the smile on her face was real and happy.
"He's.. like from another world." I said and Eevi nodded slowly, she knows what I'm talking about.
"As I said, he's kind and such a gentleman." She smiled, I bit my lower lip.
He truly is. Maybe I should write an letter or something, then I would give it to him and.. he can say what he thinks about and.. the rest would be history. I don't know.