Hold me tight

22.

              22. This is where I want to be

It was hard for me to sleep last night, it really was.
Maybe I slept an hour or two, but badly. Joonas was on my mind, him sleeping at his friend's house.
And I blamed myself of that. Joonas has been behind my door according to her words. He has rang my doorbell, but he didn't call or text. Why..?
And I was at Eevi's apartment, waiting for Olli with her.
I felt so anxious for the whole night, I wanted to cry. And I did. I hated myself so much. He wanted to have a safe place to sleep in, and his first choice was me. But I wasn't here then.

I leaned against my balcony's railing, smoking a cigarette. I haven't smoked for a couple of weeks and I thought that it would be over. But no. Here I am, killing my lungs.
I looked at the clock of my phone, it was almost nine in the morning. Maybe I should call to him and I could explain.
So, I searched his name from my contacts. I let out a sigh before calling to him.
I sat down to the chair that was behind me, and I pressed the phone on my ear. My right leg was shaking.
First I waited for three seconds.. then six.. eight.
Until someone answered, I swallowed. What if the woman would answer again?

"Hello..?" I heard Joonas' raspy morning voice, he has clearly just woken up.
"Joonas, Hi. It's me, Saga." I answered, smiling relieved.
It was silent for a couple of seconds.
"Oh.. hi. I just woke up.. I'm.. I think I'm at Margaret's house.. I was drunk last night." He murmured back, I was happy to hear his voice again after a week.

"I know. Can we meet.. now?" I asked nervous, putting my cigarette away.

"Yes. I leave right away. Where?" He asked, I heard him standing up.
"At my place. I also have some painkillers for you." I smirked, he chuckled a bit.
"Great. I'll be there."

I didn't have to wait long, I was leaning against the railing again, looking down. I saw him coming behind a corner, it made my heart almost jump out of my chest. I started smiling stupidly. He was wearing his sunglasses, and he tried to be fast with his moves, it was obvious. And when I saw him opening the door down below, I walked out of the balcony and closed the door. I searched some painkillers and put them on the kitchen table, also a glass of water.
Two minutes, and he knocked my front door.
I looked myself quickly from the mirror, noticing that I don't have a bra on. Eyes wide open I started to panic a bit, luckily this shirt is oversized, but.. fuck I don't have time.
I went to open the door, and Joonas looked like a mess when he saw me. We both smiled to each other shyly, he walked in and closed the door while I went to the kitchen.

"So.. yeah it was a wild night." He scratched his neck chuckling nervously. But when he saw the painkillers, he almost runned to get them.
I crossed my arms against my chest, maybe to cover my boobs as well. Like there was something to hide.
"And it was stupid. We were so worried with Eevi." I said back, he looked at me under his eyebrows while taking those pills.
"You were with her? And not here?" He frowned and pointed the floor, I nodded.

"Margaret answered me last night when I tried to call you. She explained how you ended up at her house. She also called me a one night stand." I chuckled in the end, he frowned even harder.

"Why you didn't call or text me when you were here behind my door?" I asked, he looked at his feet and shrugged his shoulders.
"I thought you were here, and that you didn't want to see me. You and Eevi called and texted me many times, I was thinking that you were angry at me when I didn't answer." He responded humble.
I sighed quietly.

"But that bar and drinking thing from all of you guys.. that was stupid. I've never seen Olli so drunk like he was last night when he came back." I said serious, Joonas only nodded lightly and clearly looked ashamed.
"Eevi must be angry too..." He mumbled, I nodded.
We were silent for a moment, only staring at each other.