Hold me tight

26.

26. I'll catch you

I woke up to that someone was placing kisses on top of my head. I carefully opened my eyes, I was laying on my side. And the first thing I saw was Joonas, his messy hair and blue shining eyes. He looked happy.
I smiled and closed my eyes, I'm definitely not a morning person. He snuggled even closer to me and wrapped his arms around me, letting out a deep breath at the same.
"Last night.. at the shower.. it was amazing." He said, and I heard how he was smelling my hair. Maybe he tried to be silent as possible. But I felt it, it made me smile even more.
"It was.. I've never felt anything like that." I quietly answered with my raspy voice.
He then pulled a bit apart and I opened my eyes, now we had an eye contact again.
He put some of my hair behind my ear, I put my hand behind his head and played with his hair.
He seemed to like it.

"Mornings like these.. I wish I could always wake up next to you." He stroked my back with his arm, slowly. We both smiled then, but my smile faded away soon.
"Maybe you could." I answered. His face got more serious, I think he was suprised by my words.

"You.. mean that?" He asked, his voice was so humble. It made my heart almost melt.
Seeing his blue eyes that looked so confused, he didn't move or anything.. he was so sweet.
"Yeah.. let's see where this goes.. little by little." I nodded lightly and a hopeful smile started to appear on his face.
"Little by little." He repeated, and after that gave me a long and loving kiss.

"I need to visit studio quickly today, then I'll come back and let's do something. I was thinking about ordering an appointment for the tattoos." He explained while we kept on cuddling and stroking each other.
"Okay. But.. what tattoos?" I frowned, he didn't see that because my head was resting on his chest.

"Hmm.. small butterflies?" He suggested, I loved that idea. I lifted my head up, then I placed my jaw on his chest, I smiled to him.
"Because of what I said?" I stared at him, he nodded and then buried his hand into my messy hair. He massaged my scalp, it felt so good.

And when we finally got up, Joonas wanted to make some breakfast for us. I let him do that, so in the meantime I was sitting on the balcony, enjoying the sun and drinking ice tea. I closed my eyes and leaned against the back of the chair.
A light smile appeared on my face, but it started to fade away soon, my head was hurting a lot.
"Fuck..." I mumbled by myself, I put the glass down on the small table next to me.
I stood up, but the world almost spinned around me, I felt so dizzy.
I took support from the railing and closed my eyes, maybe this will go away soon like always before.
"You're not taking my daughter!" I heard my mother's voice, it was a flashback from my childhood. I opened my eyes faster than ever and breathed heavily, what the heck was that?

"I think everything is ready." Joonas said as he walked towards the balcony, I was still standing there and stared the floor with fear.
What is happening to me? I've been hearing those voices again, but I've never heard my mother's voice.

"Saga?" Joonas asked worried when he was standing two meters away from me. I dared to lift my eyes up, and I looked at him. He frowned and came closer.
"I just.. felt dizzy, nothing to worry about." I tried to smile, he nodded slowly, I don't know if he believed me.
I walked past him to the kitchen and sat around the table.
"I was thinking that if my condition continues to be this.. good, I would try to get a job." I shrugged my shoulders while pouring apple juice to my glass, I also filled his.

"That sounds good. But remember to listen your body and mind first." He smiled but also was caring.
Yeah.. I think I should not listen to my mind. Those voices are making me nervous and I have no idea why I hear them.. should I tell to Joonas?
Maybe not.. I don't want to worry him or anything.
He would think that I'm crazy and.. who would want to date a crazy person who hears voices and stuff?
Wait.. date? No. We're not dating. Not yet, I think...
But whatever those voices are, I hope they end soon.