Hold me tight

23.

              23. When will you stop that?

"Mom! Mom please don't go!" I screamed so hard that my lungs were almost on fire. Tears covered my red face while I was in huge panic.
My hands were shaking, I cried and cried and shouted after my mom. She kept walking away from me at the empty streets of Kemi. I followed her, I runned after her, but still she was faster.
Often she looked at me with her calm face, like this was normal.
But suddenly we arrived to a lake, she stopped and so did I. My gaze wandered around, we were at the middle of a forest.
A forest I didn't recognize.
Then I stared at her out of breath. She turned around, and smiling she held out her hand, as a sign for me to come.
I didn't hesitate, I just wanted to be with her again.
I almost runned to her, and I took her into a tight hug. I cried against her shoulder, she stroked my back.
"Why you didn't stop?" I sobbed.

"I tried.. but it was impossible..." She answered with her shaking voice.

"Is this real?" I whispered, closing my eyes. It was silent first, but suddenly her hands tightened around me. It hurted.
"Yes.. it is..."
But.. her voice was.. lower...
She didn't sound like herself.
It wasn't her anymore.
I opened my eyes in shock, I tried to pull away from the hug.. but her hands were squishing me harder.
It wasn't my mom.. it was him.
His hands were strong, very strong. He was tall.
My face got buried against his chest.

"Let go of me." I sobbed calmly, he chuckled with his evil voice. He enjoyed this.
"Saga, darling.. I just want to hug you.. dear child." He said back, my breath was getting faster.

"I'm not your child.. fucking murderer, leave me alone!" I had the courage to shout to him.
His movements were fast, he pulled me away from him, but still holding my shoulders tight. I was scared to look him into his eyes, but I had to.
His evil grin was slowly appearing into his face.

"I enjoyed of killing your mother.. she shouted and tried to escape.. she hit me.. but I was stronger. The last thing what she heard was me laughing." He told me proud, I sobbed even more, my jaw was shaking.

He leaned closer, his mouth was too close to my ear.
I felt his breath in my neck, I closed my eyes.
"And since that.. I've been dreaming about something..." He started speaking again with his scary and low voice.
I hold my tears back.
"First torturing you.. and then killing you..." He whispered.
Then he started choking me slowly.
He looked me into my eyes.
I couldn't breathe, I closed my eyes.

"Saga! Saga wake up!" I heard someone saying and shaking my body a bit.
I flinched awake, almost sitting up. I was covered by cold sweat, I was breathing heavily. I looked to my left and saw confused and tired looking Joonas.
"You cried.. it got me scared, did you see a nightmare?" Joonas put his hand gently on my leg, I let out a long and deep sigh.
I wiped those stupid tears away from my face.
We spent the rest of the day only cuddling and watching some series from netflix after out kissing session, it was now 5am.

"This is not new to me." I mumbled tired while getting up. I only had my strings and Joonas' big shirt on.
"Where are you going?" He asked, like he was a puppy who was crying after it's owner.
I didn't answer, I was too overwhelmed by the nightmare. And for his disappointment, I had to take one cigarette and smoke it.
I took it out of my jacket's pocket and the lighter as well, then I went to the balcony.
I leaned against the railing and watched as the sun was rising, making Helsinki look pretty from it's light.
I lightened the cigarette that was between my lips, I inhaled that killing stick in, and then exhaling that smoke. Don't really know if it calmed my mind.
Killing my lungs slowly, that's what it did.

I heard Joonas' steps coming closer to the balcony, he wouldn't like this.
I rubbed my forehead with my right hand where I was holding the cigarette.
He stood next to me, leaning against the railing as well.
"When will you stop that..?" He sighed, looking at me. I stared the beautiful sky, not giving an answer.