Mein Sonnenschein.

Chapter 7 | This Is The Moment.

Pauls POV.

It started after about 3 Ausländer kisses, I realised I didn't just like it for the fans, for the statement but for Richard. Be able to kiss him felt great. His lips are so damn soft! And every time we touch my heart gets hot, feeling like it's about to burst. I've been contemplating what I should do, tell someone, tell him, or keep it to myself. I settled on telling him, after all we're friends first, good friends, I'm sure if I have a problem no matter which or who it involves Reesh will always try to help. I hope.

We're currently in a hotel room, watching dog videos on my phone. It was the best pass time, being with Reesh I mean. No matter what we are doing it makes me happy. However, unlike Richard, I like sleep. When I turned my phone off I realise just how close he is. His arm is around my shoulder in such a comforting, almost protective way. It feels good but it worries me. It also gives me hope in some way. A thought in the back of my head saying maybe he likes you back, after all why would he be like this if he didn't? Maybe because we're best mates, he's just comfortable being close to me. But maybe that in its self is a good sign.

These thoughts always travel through my head during random moments of the day when I look at him, but right there and then I decide, I'll tell him tonight. But how? I can't think of any logical or easy and good way to tell him right now..

I decide I want to get up to get under the sheets. Maybe not tonight then but tomorrow... Fuck then when?.. As I go to move Richards arm stops me, it seems to tighten as though he doesn't want me to move. "Reesh, can you move your arm please? I want to get under the sheets to go to sleep." I looked up at him to see he's completely zoned out, I don't even think he's heard me so I try again. "Reesh? Richard are you listening to me?" At this Richard snapped out of his state and looked down at me, "Oh, erh, sorry Paul, what are you saying?" Oh Richard, I chuckled and replied, "You're too much in your head recently." Me as well, don't lie to yourself Paul. "I was saying, I'm going to sleep now, it's nearly half ten and I'm tired." He gave me a nod in agreement, "Oh yea, of course. I'll probably do same." I was quiet for a moment, waiting for him to move his arm... but he didn't. "Reesh..." How do I say this without it being awkward or seeming rude? "Can you..?" Instead of saying anything my throat tightened and I just gestured to his arm. Richard seemed to move quick, taking his arm away from around me and awkwardly laughed, "Yea, s-sorry Paul. Huh didn't realise how close I was. Just needed to see those dog videos." I thought for a moment of why he's awkward. We've hugged, we've kissed... Now he's worried about basically just hugging me, it's weird. But I played off my own confusion to not make it awkward, "It's good Reesh." I got up off the bed and pulled the sheets back ready to get in the bed again before I got the idea. I know if I try to tell him I'll be fumbling and flustered before I can tell him hey I want to tell you something. So, maybe I can show him? And I can do it now without the issues of maybe being seen. I could kiss him, not a stage thing, a proper kiss. Even on stage it's never a good kiss, just a peck, now I can show him properly. No one's around to see or judge, this is the perfect time really. I need to take this moment.

I got back on the bed and to have a better chance of this working I kneeled towards him. I just looked at him, looked at his beautiful blue grey eyes. They're one of my favourite parts of him. "Eruh? Paul? Are you okay? You need to tell me something or do you have problem or something. It's worrying me..." Oh no I didn't mean to worry him.. I shook my head quickly. "No no Richard don't be worried."
"Well then.. what's up?" I sighed and closed my eyes, tilting my head down. I can't look at him. Do I really do this? Do I possibly ruin my best friendship I've ever had? Or it could turn good and maybe be.. more? than our best friendship? Richard was silently waiting when I opened my eyes and looked at him but quickly looked back down, I can't look at him right now, it'll make my fumbling worse. "I, well. I... hmm. Richard... please, don't be mad okay? I. Well I feel some way.. And I need to tell someone. But, you know, I can't tell people anything. So, maybe, I thought if I showed the person it might, you know.. make it easier." Fuck, I'm stuttering and fumbling my words so much!

I was hunched over, trying to make myself so small, hoping to be sucked into a black hole and disappear from this current situation. "Oh Paul! I thought it was going to be something bad." Richard chuckled and rubbed his head. Okay, well he is obviously oblivious how bad this will probably be. "Of course, if you think it'll help then do that. Who is it anyway?" He asked, seeming genuinely interested which was nice in the friendly side that he obviously cared. Bad in the side that I now have to tell him without backing out. I shuffled on my knees a bit out of being uncomfortable about what's about to happen, but also trying to get a bit more comfortable. Kneeling isn't a natural thing for me I guess, it hurts. "Well, it's someone you know.. and someone I'm close with already.. I was thinking of maybe just.. kissing them?.." I tried maybe giving hints it could be him, but also not in case he thought it was a bad idea in general. Then again it's hard to give hints without just giving it away completely. Richard seemed to pause for a moment to think. "Well, if you think they'll respond well and you don't think it'll upset them or seem rude to them, then go for it. Just make sure it's obvious so if the person wants to say no they can. We have to have consent." Oh of course Richard is thinking that, he's so gentlemanly. I was thinking it as well obviously but I couldn't expect less from Richard, after all he probably thinks this kiss will be for a woman.. not him.. I nodded my head showing I agreed and moved a little closer to him. Right, now or never. Come on, I can do this! I wasn't looking at Richard until I looked up at his eyes, again, they're so beautiful. There's something calming in them, I couldn't help but stare for a moment. I shuffled closer to him again a few times and decide to be slightly bold, placing my left hand on his neck and rest my right on his leg, just above his knee. His skin is smooth, so soft. Richard seems.. frozen. Maybe he doesn't want this? But I've given him enough time to pull away, right? That's it, this is it. His breath dusts my face slightly as I made the last move and touched my lips to his.

As much as I wanted to give him a full kiss, a proper kiss over a stage kiss which was quick and meaningless, I couldn't when it came to it. I just stopped and waited, waited to see if he reciprocated... But he didn't. I felt my face heat up as I pulled away quickly, instantly regretting my ideas and started my fumbling my words again, "Oh, shit! Richard, I'm so sorry. What am I thinking! Fuck." I went to get up but Richard stopped me by grabbing my arm. This was obviously just a shock reflex or something because the grab was quite rough and Richard, no matter how angry or annoyed he is with me, is always soft and gentle, kind. This definitely wasn't angry or hurting me too much but it wasn't the norm, and it's confusing. But maybe he's thinking about it? Maybe he's not mad. Richard seems to melt out of this shocked, confused state after maybe 10 seconds of silence and smiles as he leans towards me... Kissing me. Wait, kissing me? I kiss Richard back as soon as his lips touch mine. They're soft and cigarette tasting but the kiss is relieving. Reesh brings his left hand to my neck and right on the back of my head, almost holding me in place. I didn't care though, I need this kiss to last. It felt so good, so much happiness washed over me and stayed like a blanket.

Our lips are moving softly, slowly against each others. I hum happily, this is what I need.

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hi first author note, just wanted to say thanks for reading so far, hope you are enjoying this.

i kind of ended up making Richard a real over thinker xD basically made him me with how much i over think but i thought it fit him well for some reason.. yep.

paul's a bean, i love paul. also made him a little bit of an over thinker but more a fumbler/stutterer when he's nervous because i thought that worked for him as well. i obviously don't know the rammstein boys but i used my basic knowledge of some interview stuff to make a basic idea so don't take this as truth xD okay, well thanks again and enjoy the rest :]