Mein Sonnenschein.

Chapter 16 | Arguments.

Richard POV.

First days of shows are always stressful for all sorts of reasons which are different from band member to band member. For me it's always the wondering if everything will go alright. If instruments will work right, sound alright. If lights will turn on and play in time. If the pyro will fire right.

And so far it hasn't gone alright. We've been stuck outside the venue now for 2 hours on the bus, just waiting. Something inside the venue is wrong and the venue are taking fucking ages to fix it. Our crew have only just been let inside ten minutes ago. Good thing the stage and our other shit should be set up and ready to go, by the way time is going we'll have to rush to get everything else sorted. The worst thing is we don't even know what's wrong in the venue. Nothing wrong with the stage though, hopefully. Then again we don't know. On top of this stressing me out, Till has been on one. I understand he's also stressed about it but when me and Till are both unhappy, we argue. A lot. Anything and everything that the other person does can trigger an argument. And it's bad, not just bickering but it can turn into full blown screaming matches. Only on these stressful days will this happen though. Flake is the one who tries to calm us, he's the voice of reason. Right now I've been told to go upstairs into the back room to "cool off". Bullshit I need to cool off, it was Till who started the last fight because he wouldn't stop pacing.

"Till, stop pacing. It's pissing me off and you've been doing it for half an hour now. Give up."

"Fuck off Richard. You being close to me is pissing me off, deal with it." This was not our first argument today. He was going up and down by the side of the kitchen, next to where I was sitting on the couches, and he hasn't stopped for ages now. "Fuck you Till, at least I'm not in your face constantly, walking all over the place." Till finally stopped pacing, dead in front of me, glaring down at me saying, "I'm not in your face. I'm simply walking back and forth over there, not even in front of you. And anyway, like I said, you don't need to be in my face to piss me off. Knowing your here is bad enough." This pissed me off more and I felt my blood start to boil, my hands curling into fists in attempts to calm or compose myself in anyway I could right now. "Well same Till. Fucking same. Just sit the fuck down, you aren't the only one stressed here." I should mention Flake is sat behind Till and Oliver is next to him. Both of them are watching the situation. Paul and Christoph are both on the left table in the kitchen, eating but also watching closely. "Oh sorry, is the drama queen worried? Aww, poor Reesh." I stood straight up and got in Tills face, even if I'm shorter I'm not afraid of Till. Him saying Reesh in an argument in such a condescending voice just tipped me over the edge. "Stop Till. I'm being serious now."
"Oh, how fucking scary. What you going to do?" Just as I felt it might all explode right there Flake jumped up and wiggled in between us. "Okay guys. Till. Richard. Come on. Calm down."
"Calm down? All I fucking did was tell him to stop pacing. And then he went off on one." I said looking at Flake only for a moment before my attention was back on Till again. "Richard everyone deals with stress in their own way. You know Till paces. Till we know Richard is easily irritable." Flake tried to reason with both of us, turning to face Till then me and sort of standing sideways between us. Guessing because that keeps us a small bit more apart but he can also read both of us clearer. "Irritable is a fucking understatement, he's just being a dick." More of Tills sly comments, and I'm supposed to just deal with that? "Oh, fuck you Till. Seriously you're like a child. Why do I have to deal with being called names."

"I'm like a child? You're a fucking grown baby sometimes!" Till raised his voice, now yelling at me fully and pushing closer to me.
"At least it's not constant for me!" My voice also yelling now. Flake placed his hand on Till chest, lightly pushing as if to tell Till to back off. And it seemed to work. Since when does Till listening to Flake when he's this annoyed? Since when does Flake get involved as well? When did it become his business? "Okay, Richard why don't you go upstairs?" Flake again tried to reason with me but I'm too angry right now. "Why should I? I didn't start this bullshit for no reason!"
"Stop yelling at him you dickhead. There's no reason to get shitty towards Flake just because you're being a little drama queen." Till spat at me, moving slightly to get closer to me again. I did the same and now Oliver also stood up, placing an arm between me and Till. "Okay Okay. Please Richard. Go upstairs. Chill out. You both know you'll regret this when the stress is over. Richard, go." Oliver was reasoning now and for some reason I listened. Not because it was Oliver over Flake, but I was honestly getting bored of this. Bored and more annoyed as time went on to the point of wondering if I'd do or say something stupid, more than what I'd already said. "Fucking fine. But not for his benefit, only because I'm bored of this childish bullshit now."

Now I'm sat in the back room, attempting to calm down. It's not fun for me either being so stressed and arguing. I need to smoke. Just then I heard a small knock at the door. Simply hearing someone was wanting to talk to me put me back on edge, that's the mood I'm in currently. The door cracked open and I saw Paul peak in. Just seeing his face would make my mood lighten and I'd just want a cuddle up to him, relieve my stress with him, that is it would on any other day. Today it just annoyed me. I just wanted to be alone right now. I don't need any unnecessary contact with people, even if it is Paul. He gave me a smile as he fully came into the room and closed the door behind him. "Reesh, you okay?" His voice was quiet, gentle, as if he was really trying to not piss me off more. Again, any other time I'd be thankful for Paul being here, for his kindness but not right now. Right now, I'm still pissed off and stressed. That being said I just sat silently. I really didn't want to upset him or argue with him and I know if I reply my voice will be snappy and it'll just lead to that. But Paul being Paul pushed the subject a bit more, "Come on Reesh. Talk to me? I just want to help." He was now stood in front of me and I was still sat down so I lifted my head to look at him. I don't want him here. Why doesn't he just take a hint and leave me alone. "I'm fine Paul. Go away now please." Like I thought, my tone of voice was harsher than usual and he looked slightly hurt by my words but I don't care, he can get over it when he finally goes away. Paul shook his head and frowned, "But you're not Reesh, you're stressed and annoyed. I know that but-" I cut him off before he could even get close to finishing his sentence, "If you know so much why don't you just leave me the fuck alone Paul." My voice was slightly raised as I said this, he was getting on my nerves more and more. I just can't deal with people today. Not in this state. It's all just going to turn into arguments. "Well, no Richard. I just came to see how you were, no need to snap at me." Paul was still frowning, still looking at me and now his body was slightly ridged and stiff, obviously becoming tense or angry himself. It didn't register to leave our conversation here, not in my mood. "I said I was fine and you still continued though didn't you. That's the issues." He folded his arms over his chest, almost defensively as he asked, "What's the issue, Richard?" I stood up rather quickly and was now looking down at him, pretty close to his face. For the second time today in a very short period of time I was in someones face, ready to argue with whoever it was, no matter if it's my partner. "You! You're the issue Paul! Just leave me the fuck alone. Seriously, fuck off!" My voice is definitely raised now, probably the loudest I've talked to him in this relationship. Nearly yelling. Is this going to be our first argument? "Fuck you Richard. I'm just trying to help. Why do you get like this when your stressed? You really need to find some better way of coping." He snapped back at me. "Don't tell me what I fucking need to do Paul! I'm not a child."
"Well, you fucking act like one you get treated like one!" His voice was also bordering on shouting now. There was no longer any question of if he was angry or not, he definitely was. "I act like a kid? No I don't! Shut up Paul!"
"You just told me to shut up! And that's not childish?! You can't even argue in an adult way!"
"Well fuck off and this won't be an argument!" I was definitely shouting now, like I was at Till. "It's already a fight Richard!" Paul took a step back from me and rubbed his forehead slightly, taking a few breaths before continuing, "You know what. Fine. Fucking Fine. Be alone Richard. Be a grumpy, stressed, annoyed asshole all alone. Enjoy it." Paul turned and went to leave before we both heard another small knock at the door, stopping him just in front of the door. He took a breath, obviously trying to compose himself before it opened to show Christoph very sheepishly looking between us. Either he heard us and is hoping to not get caught in the fight, or he just knows I'm pissed off and doesn't want to make it worse. "Till told me to tell you guys," Just the mention of Till sent my blood boiling again slightly, "The venue is finally letting us in so we all need to go now. If we don't the show will be late and if the shows late we'll be late moving to the next city." Christoph was obviously rambling slight and Paul nodded, smiling tiredly at Christoph while I made no noticeable reaction. "Okay cool, better set off then." He patted Christophs shoulder as he passed, leaving the back room. I hate saying Till was right, especially right now, but he was. We needed to get a move on if we'll do this show on time.

I followed behind Christoph and Paul, lagging behind slightly so I didn't need to be close to either of them. Again, not in the mood. When we got down the stairs the guys were waiting. Till was at the door, Flake more inside but still near the door, followed by Oliver who was on his phone on something, then Paul and Christoph, then finally me. Till and I made eye contact for a moment but it was broken by Flake pushing Till out of the bus door, "Come on then guys. We need to go if we'll be on time." 

-

AN/ thanks for reading guys, sorry its a late update but it will be back to the usual sunday updates :] have a good day, byee
♡♡