Mein Sonnenschein.

Chapter 17 | Making up.

Pauls POV.

I can't believe Richard. All I was doing was trying to help... Or maybe it was my fault. Maybe I should have just let him be on his own when he asked the first time. But I was just worried about him. I only wanted to help calm him down. But I should have left him alone if that's what he wanted... I can't decide if I was wrong or if he was. Maybe we were both wrong?

At the entrance of the stage now I can see Richard stood in front of me smoking, Oliver was between us. Christoph was already sat at his drums, hitting the first beats as Flake stepped out holding his keyboard and beginning to play. Richard put out his cigarette before composing himself and going on stage. Even with todays issues, we all need to put on a good show. Ignore our day issues and give fans what they came for.

Music and Rammstein. And fire.

Through the show I can tell Till is keeping distance from Richard, and Richards keeping his distance from everyone. It's not usual for us to keep to ourselves and only come together for certain times of the show, but even that's not often today with Richard. But not to the point of fans noticing, at least I hope. I can only see it because I saw what's happened today and know they'll not want to be near each other. As for the rest of the guys we were interacting as usual for the most part. For a moment, I actually forgot about todays issues. Looking out into the crowd and seeing all the fans having a good time was always fun. They were all punching the air, jumping up and down, head banging along, screaming the words. Their good moods improved my bad one massively. That was until Ausländer. As soon as we were all back on stage it hit me, what's going to happen at the end? All the way through the song I was wondering, will we kiss? Will we at least interact in some way? The song slowed and Till sang the last lyric before backing away like normal. I glanced at Richard as the small guitar solo section kicked in, waiting for his actions. If he moves, I'll move. Otherwise, I'm not going to do anything. He turned ready to walk towards me so I did also. Richard seemed to have the same idea because once he'd seen me also make a small move towards him he started walking properly, I did the same. When we met in the middle of the stage, I was looking at him but he was avoiding my gaze. Richard leaned forward and instead of kissing he gave me a small hug. I accepted this, not sure whether I really even wanted a kiss right now. He'd upset me to be honest. Acting fine and dandy right now is difficult, I just want to be in my bunk cuddled in my blanket.

And that's what I did. Once the show was over I took a quick shower while I had the chance and then got back onto the bus, clothes off and into comfy, baggy sweatpants and a hoodie, then straight into my bunk. If I'm being honest, I'm sulking. It's the first time we've argued and I don't even know whose fault it was or why it became such a bad fight so quick. I shouldn't have yelled. But he yelled at me first. But I should have left him alone, he told me to so I shouldn't have pushed the matter. But I was only trying to help. All these points and yet I can't understand why. At some point, I don't know what time but I'd been laying there for a while, I fell asleep finally. It wasn't particularly good sleep either, I woke up a few times and started over thinking again. I could hear across from me Richard breathing unevenly, I've realised after sleeping near him when he's asleep his breathing is very even and slow compared to when his awake. He was also tossing and turning over in his bunk. Obviously he was struggling to sleep as well. If it was any other night I would have got up to see if he wanted a chat about what was bothering him, but I knew what was bothering him this time, and would rather leave it right now.

One time, out of the multiple, when I woke up I realised it was morning. Today we're just traveling so I could stay in bed all the time I wanted and I did. At some point I'm guessing we reached the venue and the bus had stopped. I could get up and go for a walk around the town, that could be fun. Take my camera and take some pictures while I'm out. I dragged my legs off the bed and landed on the floor with a small thud. The bunk room was empty so I got changed in there, putting on some comfy jeans and a plain grey t shirt, taking a clean hoodie with me just in case I get cold. Going downstairs I saw Till and Flake at the table, Christoph and Oliver watching TV and no Richard. Not a surprise. I smile at Till and Flake and they reciprocated, "Nice to see you surface Paul. Richard wants to see you." Till said. I didn't expect to hear that first thing out of his mouth. "Oh. Well, I'm not sure if I want to see him right now. Have you two made up yet?" Till nodded his head, "Oh yea yea. We were both just pissed off yesterday. Not a good mix for both of us, we made up early this morning though." I stood in middle of the tables, awkwardly wondering what to do. Flake stood up, picking up his cup as he went past me to the sink, "I know you probably don't want to see him right now, you're upset with him for yelling at you." I want to see him, to make up but I feel so lost. I can't decide how to feel. "He told me he felt terrible and wanted to make it up to you. So put your hoodie on, because its cold, and go out. He's been sat out there for hours now, thinking I'd guess but he's also waiting for you. Just, at the least, hear him out." He patted my back and gently pushed me towards the door. Flake is great at convincing people to do stuff; he puts out good arguments. Maybe a bit forcing at times but that's what you need for some things.

I pulled the hoodie over my head and pulled up the hood. I grabbed my boots and slipped them on, taking a deep breath at the bus door. When I opened it I saw we were parked right next to a big public park, a big pond in the middle. I'm guessing this is just a rest spot then before the rest of the journey. There's no venue around this area big enough for our show. Next to the bus was two small benches and Richard was sat hunched over one, smoking. When I stepped off the bus he glanced at me then back at the bench table but back up at me quickly. Sort of taking a second look as if he didn't think it was going to be me and it had only just registered in his head. Richard took the last drag of his cigarette before stubbing it out while I approached the table slowly and sat down on the seat across from him. For a moment it was quiet, him just looking at me as if he was composing his next thought, his first bit of speech to me. That was, "Paul, I'm so sorry for yelling at you. And I'm sorry for what I said. I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you. It wasn't fair and I didn't realise until I'd calmed down. I know you've been off today, you've not been around or out of bed until now and its past mid-day. You aren't any issue to anyone, I just said that because I was annoyed at the day. I, I wanted to say I was sorry and I never meant anything." Hearing this I felt instantly better honestly. I knew all of this. I knew he probably didn't mean it. I knew it was just because he was worried about the day. But hearing it from him was reassuring. I got up from the bench and Richard watched me closely, almost as if he was expecting me to leave. But I didn't, I went over to his side of the bench and sat down next to him. Richard turned his body towards me and I smiled, holding his hand gently. "I know Richard. It's okay. I forgive you. But seriously Reesh, you need to find a way to cope better rather than anger." He nodded his head and smiled at me, "I will, I promise." I smiled at him happily, feeling my old self come back. I never realised that having an argument could affect me so much, but I was happy it was sorted now.

"So, my Paulie, I wanted to make it up to you. Friday we have a day off, I say we go out to a restaurant and have a proper date. Then we have a hotel that night so we can get snacks, drinks, put on a movie and have a movie night together. It's not much but it's all I can think of on tour." He chuckled and rubbed the back on his neck showing he was slight awkward, nervous maybe. I smiled brightly and nodded my head, "That sounds great Reesh. Can't wait for Friday now." I shuffled up and gave him a tight hug, squeezing him slightly just to make sure he was really there, no dream. Richard hugged me back just as strongly, kissing my forehead as we separated. "For now, though, we have 1 hour until we start moving again to get to our venue tonight. Should we go for a walk around the park?" I nodded my head yes and stood up from the bench, "That's what I was actually planning on doing. Doing it with company will be better though." I held out my hand and he grabbed it, standing up and keeping hold of it as we set off for our walk.

We walked all around the park, since it was so big we rarely had to worry about anyone seeing us because we were so spread out, but when we did get close to someone we stopped holding hands. Just in case they'd recognise us and say something or take a picture. Two people did recognise us and come to say hello, taking a photo each. Both of them were planning on coming to our show which was cool to hear. Once we were both out of eyesight I felt Richard go to hold my hand again. It made me smile. Simple stuff with Richard can make me feel so warm and content. Eventually we were back outside the bus, it half an hour later. We sat back on that little bench, side by side. I just daydreamed for a while then a question crossed my mind. Does Richard feel the same as I do? That this couldn't get better. But I don't want to ask that directly.. "Reesh, do you ever think it'll get better?" I asked him softly. He looked at me, obviously confused and with a hint of worry asked, "What do you mean? Are you not happy now?" I quickly shook my head and smiled at him, "Nope, I'm the happiest I've been in ages honestly. I asked that because I want to know how you feel. Do you feel that anything could change for the better?" Richard seemed to think over this question for a moment before he smiled, sort of looking off in the distance before back at me, "Honestly, I don't. I also feel happy. Happier than ever. I don't want this to end, to change in anyway. Well, beside maybe more dates and cuddles." He chuckled and hugged me from besides, kissing my cheek. I smiled and leaned into his side, "Well then, that can be organised." I kissed him gently and I felt his lips curl into a small smile as he reciprocated the kiss. I can't wait for our first date on Friday.