𝐌𝐀𝐅𝐈𝐀 | 𝐉.𝐉𝐊 × 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 20 - 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐧

My eyes started watering and my legs shaking. Everything was shaking around me. I was trembling. May be I was seeing things, may be it was an hallucination. My throat tightened and my vision was blurry. What the fuck was happening tonight, what am I doing here?

"Y/n don't go like that-" Jungkook stopped as he saw me looking at the boys and that one person standing there. "Shit..." He closed his eyes and looked down.

"Jungkook, tell me why my brother is there? Am I dreaming?" I begged him to tell me it was not true and that k was seeing things and going crazy. "Why is he here? Next to Namjoon." I held his arm and let the tears roll down my face.

"Y/n," He didn't know what to say and how to say it. "I'm so sorry."

I walked towards the boys and stood there with an empty heart and empty eyes. It's like all my emotions vanished. I didn't even want to look at him. "Y/n, I missed you."

"Don't fucking touch me, you bitch-"

"Don't talk to your brother like that-" Namjoon added, but honestly why the fuck was he talking to me and how the fuck did he know my brother.

"Namjoon after everything I told you and you know how much I trust you, why the fuck is my brother here and how do you know he is my brother. What the hell is he doing here!" I shouted, feeling tired and exhausted after everything. "Give me a fucking break, Jun Hoo, do you even know what the fuck I went through after you left?" I chuckled.

"No, but I'm here to protect you now-"

"Fuck you. I don't want to listen to your bullshit. You left without looking back or thinking about me. I begged you to take me with you and now you're also here, doing suspicious things. You're a fucking bitch and a liar, you said you'd contact me and you never did. I went through so much and still had hope you'd come back, at least for me!" I let my tears full of sorrow roll down my cheeks. "Why didn't you die too like dad, why the fuck are you here!" I threw him my shoes violently.

"Y/n, it's not his fault, please listen." Namjoon tried explaining, but I was too stubborn and too angry to even let him talk to me.

"How the fuck did he get here and how do you know him? I'm asking for the last time." I lowly and slowly said, feeling my blood pressure increase.

"He's my best friend and I'm the one who got him into those things. He didn't have anywhere to go and needed money as soon as possible to be able to live. I helped him get into a new mafia gang and he grew a new gang and now he's one of the richest and dangerous mafia leader too, like us. He asked me to help him find his sister and I did. Even you contacting Hoseok was planned. We spied on you for a while and that's how we let you stayed at our mansion without you getting armed or anything. We gave you everything you needed because Jun Hoo is one of us, kind of."

"So everything was fake?" I finally looked into his eyes, knowing what I meant behind this sentence. I felt my throat tightening and my heart hurting. "It was all fake wasn't it?" I looked at the boys. Jungkook avoided my gaze, Taehyung and Jimin too. "So you all knew?!" I laughed and cried at the same time, going slowly crazy.

"Y/n, let's not do this here..." Yoongi tried giving me a hug and calming me down, but I pushed him away.

"Namjoon look into my fucking eyes and tell me everything was fake, that you pretended."

For a little while, he was gazing down, but then his eyes darkened and he dared to glance at me. "Yeah, it was." He stated coldly.

I nodded and tightened my fist, trying to calm myself down. I didn't want to say anything anymore, so I just left and walked towards the car me and Jungkook came in. I did not care if people were looking at me, I just wanted to leave. I thought about it and the only thing I could have done is laugh, it was to good to be true. What did I think? I deserved all the beating my mom gave me, I'm a fucking idiot and a naive one on top of that.

I couldn't care less if people were looking at me or judging me, because right now I just wanted to cry and let everything out. I was almost choking on the tears that were threatening to roll down my cheeks. I stood behind the car and sat down on the floor, not caring if I would get the dress dirty or not, I couldn't care less. I let my tears painfully roll down and let everything out. I couldn't stop getting flashbacks about my dad, brother and mom. Why did he come back after leaving like that. I silently sobbed and hiccuped. I kept drying my cheeks, but the tears wouldn't stop coming and making them wet again. My throat was sore from the crying and my head started aching.

Was it nice making fun of me, looking all desperate and depressed? When I was in need of help? Did they enjoy it?

I hated them and wanted them to leave me the fuck alone. I didn't deserve to be played with, no matter the situation. I just wanted to feel protected and loved. This is all I asked for and this is what I got in return. I'm not saying I had the best behavior, but still.

I hid my face with my hands and cried. I didn't know what to do and even if there was something to do, I was too overwhelmed to think about anything else. I didn't even know how I felt anymore and what I was feeling.
I never asked to see my brother. Even though I did still worry and think about him, I felt an extreme anger toward him for leaving me that day. He abandoned me, knowing how damn we were close and inseparable, he still left.

"Y/n..." I recognized Jungkook's voice and heard his hesitant and unsure steps toward me. His voice was different than usual, softer. "Stand up, don't sit on the ground like that." He put his two hands on my shoulders, but I shoved them away and looked at him.

"Don't fucking touch me." I said in between hiccups and choked on my tears. "You knew too and nobody told me anything. Who the fuck told you I wanted to see this motherfucker?" I bit my lip, trying not to cry again and in front of him, even though it was already too late for that.

"I clearly told you not to get close to Namjoon. He's not the person you think he is and on top of that he just used you-"

"It's not only about him!" I shouted. "It's about you guys pretending to be nice to me, looking me in the eyes, knowing damn well what was going on. You thought I was going to be happy?" I nervously chuckled, my tears still rolling down my cheeks. "Yes, I found my dear brother thank you guys so much, I love you forever." I mimicked in high pitched. "Fuck you all."

"Can you listen to me Y/n?" He sighed deeply and closed his eyes before returning his gaze to me. "I don't know anything about you. The only thing I know is that Namjoon didn't tell us anything about it in the start and purposefully brought you to the mansion and this event. I can't tell him anything because he's my Hyung and superior. With Jin, he is the leader. Even if I tried to express my point of view, which I did, he did not pay attention. He tried to help his friend, and he succeeded; he must have known about your background because you informed him about your past. I, on the other hand, do not. So don't blame me if I don't inform you when I'm in a fucking horrible situation and have warned you." He gave me a harsh glare, but his voice was gentler than normal, which helped me relax a little.

"I'd like to go." I couldn't get a proper breath, but I tried. I just wanted to cry myself to sleep alone in my room. "Just..." I stopped in the middle of my sentence. I couldn't stand it any longer and simply wanted to be alone. I was determined about not seeing him.

"It's your brother, y/n..." He forced me to stand up by putting his arms under my armpits. "You won't be able to avoid him for the rest of your life."

"I don't give a fuck." I rudely said, shooting him a dirty glare. I was mad but not at him and right now I couldn't control my thoughts and action.