The Fifth Member (Little Mix/Perrie Edwards gxg) Part 2

Chapter 35

Beth's POV:

After Jade left a long silence stretched among the room, except for Leigh and Jesy's soft snores. Perrie was still standing looking very tense while I was lying in the comfort of my bed again.

Perrie sat down on her mattress and we once again were perfectly in each others point of view. We looked at each other, waiting for any of us to say something.

"You can say something you know. Just because I didn't forgive you doesn't mean you have to be scared to speak." I finally settled on saying.

She looked a little surprised but then shyly said, "I just don't think I deserve to talk to you."

My heart clenched but I tried to keep my expression indifferently. It was obvious that Perrie regretted what she did. I'm not stupid. The stuff she said that night though was too harsh for me to just forgive and forget.

"Don't be afraid to talk in front of me." I said and mentally added, You certainly weren't that night.

I shook the thought off. In my situation right now it really would be pathetic to argue and say all I want to say. After I'm healthy again though I will let them have a piece of my mind.

Once again I started thinking about how I got into this situation. Just a week ago I was on my couch watching the American Music Awards and well...  drinking a little, only to end up wrecking my entire body completely by falling down the rooftop. I tried so hard to forget them, but how can I forget someone who gave me so much to remember?

Jesus I spent 9 years of my life with them. And in those years we never went for more than three weeks maximum without seeing each other. How the hell am I meant to forget them? They literally were my life.

And now here I am, with no friends because I don't have the energy to go around and befriend new people, only to have the whole shebang of letting them in, feeling not good enough... yeah all those shitty things.

And exactly because of all these troubles that come with being associated with me, and they are many, I still can't forget the four girls, because through literally everything they stuck with me. Can I really fault them because they once didn't stand by my side?

It hurt, obviously it hurt, but I don't know if I'm exaggerating or not, I mean... was it really a reason to end our friendship?

Then again, I'm not really the one who ended the friendship they did, so I guess I can fault them for that.

Perrie was playing  with her fingers while biting her lip slightly, once I analysed her a little I saw how her bottom lip was bleeding a little, her anxiety is growing.

"Perrie." I said softly and she looked at me immediately stopping the biting on her lip.

"Don't bite your lip. Remember, do the other things that don't hurt. Distract yourself with the chain I gave you." I instructed.

It was a precaution that I took immediately once I found out she had anxiety. Every time she would start picking on her cuticles or start biting her lips. She would make herself bleed very badly.

She shyly said, "In the rush to come here I forgot to take them with me." Her head hung down like she wasn't able to talk and look at me at the same time.

I looked at my left hand and saw a ring that would also serve as a distraction because it could spin while wearing it, I mean I have the same habits as her.

"Come here please." I said trying to keep the hostility and every other negative emotion out of my voice. I'm honestly tired of my feelings.

She stood up and came to me immediately.