fuck you p.j~a johnny knoxville/jackass fanfiction

chapter 1~we're making a movie

CALISSA'S POV

"cali! where'd you put the water guns!" bam yells from outside, up towards my window.

it's a stupidly hot summer day in westchester and my cousin bam is trying to get me into the pool with him and our best friend ryan. i have three water guns sheltered away in my room, terrified of how bam will use them on me if he's given full access to them.

"i don't know, phil probably took them" i smirk while hanging half of my body outside the window.

bam goes to run inside and i immediately run to my closet, grabbing two of the water guns. i creep out of my room and slowly make my way down to the kitchen.

"bam i don't know what you're talking about" phil chuckles as bam interrogates him.

i run out with both water guns in each hand, soaking bam's clothes while i run after him. loud laughs are coming from phil and i's mouths while bam grows a smirk on his face. oh shit what's he planning? suddenly he grabs the back of my legs and throws me over his shoulder, pouring all of the water out of the guns onto the floor.

"bam you bitch!!" i scream as he runs with me towards the pool.

i'm chucked with all of bam's strength into the pool, water rushing into my ears and soaking my whole body. i swim up to the surface, an annoyed look on my face as bam and ryan's laughs are louder than ever.

"your makeups messed up sweetheart" ryan says breathlessy in between his laughs, resulting in me giving him a sarcastic smile.

"you know i was about to join you guys without being thrown in but i think i'm just gonna watch a movie in my room" i say flipping off bam.

"speaking of movies!!" ryan yelled.

"we're making a jackass movie!!" bam yells excitedly.

"seriously?! that's amazing" i smile, dismissing bam's previous childish behavior.

"everyone in the crew wants you to be in the movie cali, are you up to it?" bam smiles, holding out his hands at his sides.

my jaw drops, attempting to process what just bam said in my head. i jump out of the pool and go to hug bam, soaking his body from mine.

"yes! holy shit yes!!" i scream, jumping up and down.

"aw come on cali" bam groans with the loud sound of water dripping all over the cement.

"we leave tomorrow" ryan adds in.

"i'm gonna pack now" i smile, giddily running up to my room.

"cali! not in the house" ap groans as i soak the wood floors with my clothes.

i, calissa margera am gonna act in a movie doing my favorite things with my favorite people. of course i can't call them all my favorites since i only have an actual friendship with chris, ryan, bam, and johnny and i haven't seen them since i was 18. chris is such a sweet friend to me and is so supportive of everything i do; when i had my first MMA competition he flew all the way from L.A to see me fight. johnny and i's relationship on the other hand is complicated, he's always messed with me in an annoying way and treated me as if i was made of glass; in this movie i will in fact prove to him that i'm not the delicate little thing he thinks i am. the rest of the jackass crew i have never met but i'm more than excited to do so.

i look in the mirror at my long light brown highlighted hair, imagining how i'll style it the day we begin filming. the sunset shining through my window illuminates the water beading off of my tan skin along with the small purple gem on my nose piercing.

"slow your roll cali, we've hardly talked about this" bam says barging into my room.

"ever heard of knocking?" i reply whilst choosing some dry clothes from my closet.

bam ignores my comment as i throw a navy blue south park tank top and some black pajama shorts on my bed.

"we're gonna be filming for about 10 months so you, ryan, and i will be staying at johnny's place the majority of the time" bam says, laying down on my bed.

oh boy i can't wait to live with johnny's helicopter patrol ass for 10 months.

"also your part in the movie will pretty much only be the public pranks a-"

"what did fucking johnny make that rule?!" i angrily cut bam off.

"listen, i know you want to do stunts but it's for your safety. you have a little body comp-"

"don't even start bam, i train with grown men in the gym constantly and still beat their asses. i know you know i'm tougher than he thinks" i cut bam off again, slowly growing anger towards him.

bam stays silent for a minute, staring down at the ground as my anger burns up inside of me.

"okay, i'll talk to johnny but you still aren't doing anything too extreme okay calissa?" bam sighs.

"you got it bammy" i chirp with a smile at his response.

"our flight leaves tomorrow at 6pm and chris will pick us up at the airport" bam says, hopping off my bed and up to his feet.

"kay sounds good, get out so i can change" i say as i push bam out of my door.

i'm so excited to be reunited with chris but not so much johnny; the last time i saw him i was 30 pounds heavier, had no makeup skills along with box dyed red hair, and my acne was at its worst. i truly was the definition of a zit infested trashy teenager.

i dismiss my thoughts about johnny and pack basically my whole room except for my bed, posters, and dresser to make sure i'm prepared for anything that comes my way. after about an hour and a half of uninterrupted packing i finally decide to fall asleep, dreaming of the type of stunts i'll take part in.

i'll try to be the most daring person there without a doubt; even more daring than THE johnny knoxville.