fuck you p.j~a johnny knoxville/jackass fanfiction

chapter 2~welcome to l.a

CALISSA'S POV

i wake up to the oh so familiar sound of shuffling feet and whispering in my room meaning i'm about to be pranked. before i could even open my eyes to react, a huge bucket of water is dumped over my head. i shoot my body up and look at my soaking wet bed and wipe the water off of my face. looking to my left i see ryan giggling while holding a camera and bam laughing in my face with an empty bucket in hand. time to do what they least expect.

"it's 2pm you lazy ass" bam laughs, his accent exposing itself drastically.

i jump up and start punching bam in the gut and arms, resulting in ryan laughing more.

"fucking hell, this was ryan's idea too!" bam yells as he attempts to block my punches.

i stop hitting bam and go over to ryan; he tenses up his while body, expecting me to beat him up. instead i give a semi-hard slap to his arm then immediately turn around to punch bam in the arm one last time; at this point both ryan and i are laughing.

"that was good footage cali" ryan smiles as he closes the camera.

"welcome to jackass cali, jesus christ" bam chuckles as he makes his way out of my room.

'welcome to jackass'

the phrase played over and over again in my head, sending chills down my body and a huge rush of serotonin to my head. i jump out of bed and grab some low rise black jean shorts and a tight white crop top with a blink 182 logo on it. i go take a shower to prepare for the flight leaving in 4 hours. i begin to think about L.A as i stand in the warm shower, beads of water dripping off of my skinny yet somewhat muscular figure. i'm gonna be living in the big city for almost a year with famous people; this is an experience that probably almost anyone in the world wishes was theirs. what if i don't fit in? what if i get way too overwhelmed with loads of people around me? what if i shut down and can only talk to bam, ryan, and chris? what if they think i'm weird?

i shut down my negative thoughts and focus on the excitement and great possibilities that are yet to happen soon. i dry myself off and get dressed, throwing on my black converse with my outfit. i then decide to go down to the kitchen, fixing to make bam some food as an apology. everyone is sitting or standing around the dining table; phil is doing taxes or something, ape is talking to ryan, and bam is looking through the camera's footage.

"do any of you want me to make you something?" i ask everyone in the kitchen with a smile.

"awe that's sweet of you calissa but i just ate, thank you" ap says with a heart-warming smile.

"i'll skip getting poisoned before our flight" bam says, putting the video camera down.

"i'm just trying to be nice dipshit" i scoff, attempting to hide a smile.

"i'll take a grilled cheese sweetie" phil says, still focused on his task.

"can i have one too please" ryan sweetly asks.

"yeah sure" i smile at both of them.

i begin to make two loaded grilled cheese sandwiches and ape begins a conversation with me.

"it's bam and ryan's job to make sure you're safe while you're filming and while you guys aren't. i know it will be nerve-racking being around boys 24/7 so i'm always just a call away. let me know if you need anything and tell me if bam and ryan aren't doing their jobs, okay sweetie?" ap sympathetically tells me.

i give her a big smile and hug her tightly, i'm really gonna miss her and phil. the both of them have been there for me ever since the incident with my mom which i don't want to think about until after my flight.

"seriously guys you need to make sure she doesn't get too hurt and that she's safe with the boys" ap tells bam and ryan, pointing a finger at them.

"she'll be in our sight 24/7 and we'll have boundaries set for her and for the boys with her" bam assures ap.

"the only person i worry about is steve-o, he better not make any hornball or dumbass moves on you" ryan says in a strict tone.

"then don't let him do that ryan" phil protectively scolds him.

i'm both terrified and excited to meet steve-o, of course i've heard good things about him but i've also heard a little about his deranged side.

i set the two plates of grilled cheese in front of ryan and phil and they both thank me politely.

"on second thought i might want a grilled cheese" bam smiles at me.

i roll my eyes and push his chest back lightly then turn to look at the clock, reading 4:30pm.

"shouldn't we be leaving soon" i ask, motioning towards the clock.

"shit yeah, load the car up with your bags cali" bam says, making his way upstairs.

~~~

we finally made it to the airport and our flight leaves in about 30 minutes. rushing through check in and security was a lot harder than i thought it'd be but we fortunately made it on time. my nerves get the best of me when it comes to airplanes; i always think about the possibility of them falling out of the sky and catching on fire or some shit. we reach the gate and get in line to board the flight to L.A.

"god i need a drink" i sigh, tapping my foot on the ground.

"it'll be fine just go to sleep before we even take off" ryan says.

i laugh at his advice, knowing it won't work for jack shit.

~~~

after the dreadful 5 hours filled with headaches, nausea, and actual puke, we land in L.A. i'm probably the first on the plane to stand up and attempt to run out to the airport which was a terrible idea in the end. i ended up sitting and waiting for bam and ryan at the front of the gate which took roughly 15 minutes.

"god calissa you could've waited" ryan says annoyed.

"i wasn't spending another second on that plane" i chuckle.

an exhausted bam comes out from behind ryan, i'm surprised he's already jet lagged. it's currently 8pm in L.A and i notice the sun is almost completely set as i look out the huge windows surrounding the airport.

we all go onto the escalator that leads to the bag receiving area and i scan the crowded airport for any sign of chris. i finally spot him waving a colorful sign labeled 'ms. calissa, bam, and dunn'.

"oh my god!" i shriek like a little girl as i chuck my bag into bam's chest, practically forcing him to hold it.

i run down the escalator and towards chris, ready to give him a big hug. he spots me and give me a very weird look.

"i missed you chris!" i yell to him and jump into his arms.

"holy shit cali you freaked me out. i can hardly recognize you i thought you were some crazy fan" chris laughs as he squeezes my small figure into a hug.

i pull away and give him a big smile as bam and ryan come up from behind me to give him a quick hug.

"i don't look that different do i?" i ask chris then turn to bam and ryan.

they all have this look on their faces almost saying 'are you dumb?'.

"calissa you look like a model compared to a while back" ryan back-handedly compliments me.

"gee thanks dunn" i scoff with a small smile.

"let's get your guys' bags, johnny is waiting for us in his car" chris says as we begin to walk to the bag area.

"wait johnny's here?" i blankly ask.

"my license got suspended a few months ago" chris chuckles.

oh boy, seeing johnny wasn't what i had in mind for the first thing i'd do in L.A.