MAKE ME FEEL (YiZhan)(Completed)

Separation

Zhan rings the bell and impatiently waits until door opens. feeling irritated he is about to slap his head, but stops noticing Cheng's situation. later one looks like he haven't slept for days, his eyes darkened and skin pale, clothes dirty and messy. he doesn't even try to smile as always, while meeting best friend. Zhan walks in without invitation and places bag on the table

"I brought healthy fruit for you. seems like I would go for some strong alcohol. what kind of silliness did you do?" 

"thanks, is this only way of comfort you can offer?"

"here" Zhan opens his arms and smiles sweetly, nodding at Cheng. latter one let's out loud sob and hangs on his neck, hiding face into Zhan's chest "silly, my silly friend" Zhan whispers and keeps petting his hair, until journalist calms down and stops trembling. Cheng moves back and wipes tears, coughing awkwardly 

"so embarrassing. where is Yibo?"

"why do you ask?"

"he is in danger. I don't want someone else..."

"he is safe. I left him at the hospital for the check-up. I'm here to talk about you not Yibo. what the fuck is wrong with you? why do you keep blaming yourself in everything? you made Haikuan too confused, poor guy begged to talk to you. you weren't like this before"

"life slapped me in the face for being shameless Zhan. how did I dare to dream of happiness? with what gut I dared to love Haikuan? only thing I should do is regret and repent"

"stop it for god's sake" Zhan grabs Cheng's shoulders and shakes him "I can't watch you suffering like this"

"it was never gone, all pain is back again and attacks me. watching at Lusi..." Cheng falls on the floor and starts hitting his fists "I imagined him, all alone, waiting for death. I'm seeing nightmares, I'm hearing his voice. he cries, he begs to be saved. only taking responsibility, only sacrificing myself can free me"

"Cheng, you'll end up going crazy at this rate. I'm always here for you, Haikuan adores you. we both can help, you just need to open for him too"

"maybe he is going to understand, to forgive but...I can't. the more I love him, the more I'm ashamed. if he knows my disgusting past..."

"exactly what? what I'm not supposed to know?" hearing sudden voice startles them both and Cheng stumbles, noticing Haikuan at the door. latter one walks in and grabs his arm "so you trust Zhan, but not me. didn't I prove myself enough already?"

"I'll leave you alone and wait outside. I'm not one to give wise advices, but just don't hurt each-other" Zhan pats on Haikuan's shoulder and closes door after leaving room. racer softens grip and pulls Cheng down on the sofa. his eyes shows too strong love and care, journalist can't take it anymore

"I really wanted to make it work Haikuan, I really tried my best but..."

"didn't I wait enough? you still hide things from me"

"I should remain next to her, I should take care of her"

"I'm ok with that, I'm ok with everything as long as you're next to me. did I ever get jealous of your friends? I love and respect Zhan, because you do so. I can support Lusi too...although I know she loves you as man"